


Diamonds in the Rough

by Xanadian



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Angst, Ba Sing Se, Canon Compliant, Crimes & Criminals, Death, Drama, Drug Abuse, F/M, Fluff, Gen, Gritty, Heavy Themes, Hurt/Comfort, Lower Rung, Medical Conditions, Mild Sexual Content, Organized Crime, Overdosing, Post-Canon, Romance, Slow Romance, Underbelly of a City, content warning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-15
Updated: 2021-02-17
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:28:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 59,484
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27575207
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Xanadian/pseuds/Xanadian
Summary: Mai has moved to the Lower Rung of Ba Sing Se to seek treatment and has started her own academy for children that cannot afford schools in the better parts of town.After three years of living an alternate reality in Ba Sing Se, her experience of life in the Lower Rung is about to reach a crescendo that includes her estranged boyfriend (and Fire Lord) Zuko and an organised crime grid functioning in the underbelly of the city.Note - Tags make it sound much harsher and darker than it is. I just wanted to be absolutely certain in providing fair content warning. No graphic depictions. Heavy themes.
Relationships: Mai/Zuko (Avatar)
Comments: 114
Kudos: 126





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The story takes place three years after Mai and Zuko break up in Smoke and Shadow.
> 
> Please check tags for content warning. Heavy themes. No graphic descriptions.

Mai threw her head back, forcing the bitter, stingy liquid down her throat. The potion slipped past her chapped lips, leaving a burning trail down her gullet. Her shoulders convulsed in immediate response as her eyes screwed shut and lips puckered.

A few short-lived moments of pure torture ticked by before the greenish liquid disappeared into the gracious acidic pits of her stomach. Her eyes watered as she blinked; palms flat on the counter in front of her giving herself a second’s grace to recover from the attack. 

Over the past months, she had managed to learn the trick to keeping the bitter potion down instead of immediately belching it back up, without having to force the jaw shut. Yet, it somehow never got any easier.

And to think this daily trip to hell’s gate, was in fact her elixir of life.

At least, the medicinal effect of the liquid was immediate.

It travelled from her throat to her guts, spreading like fire. With quick hot flashes, it burned the receptors on her skin and left her completely numb. All over. Not a single inch of her body was granted a free pass. The medicine was indiscriminate. 

It sped through her arms, legs, torso and face, all the way to the tips of her fingers. It spread lightly over her now relaxed and shut eyelids, teasing a final tingle to her lips before she was completely shut off to all sensation.

Profoundly numb.

She was never, not-numb. She was required to administer her daily dose before the effect of the previous one had worn off. The only feeling she could remember now was this one, this horrible burning, stinging sensation. And even this was welcome in her otherwise benumbed existence. 

In return for its life-giving properties, the potion would leave her body lifeless. A most poetic trade-off.

She was more lifeless than even the inanimate, cold (she supposed) hard, rusty, metal of the counter beneath her fingers because she had seen even metal come to life and bend and crack and break under Toph Beifong’s command.

But not Mai.

Mai was invincible to pain. Yet she was always hurting.

‘You’re okay?’

She opened her eyes and turned slowly to face the man that must have only just entered the dank, dark storage room where she stood. He was setting fire to a lamp that hung on the wall. Or maybe he had been here for some time, administering her dose usually cut her off to any outside stimulus for the concerned few seconds.

The flame raged when the wick was set ablaze, then simmered down as the young man threw the match to the floor, quashing the burning embers under his sandal.

Somehow the light of the singular lamp felt more spectral than no light at all.

‘I’m great,’ she responded plainly, nodding at Shin in acknowledgement.

Absentmindedly, she picked up the cotton bandages that lay beside her on the counter and began wrapping up her lightly bruised arms from her session with the Healer. ‘As you must be aware, I delight in the sensation that feels like a cat is clawing its way upwards from my gut to my throat daily.’

‘That bad?’ Shin grunted out as he lifted the heavy boxes that lined that side of the storage room, making space for the boxes he had brought with him just now. There was an unmistakable sense of sympathy in his voice. Mai could tell, even though she couldn’t see, his eyebrows were probably slanted in concern.

She chose to ignore the sentiment.

Her spaced out gaze followed a single drop of sweat, illuminated by the flickering streetlight outside, that fell forth from his chin. She imagined the ‘plop’ that it would have made had it not been intercepted by the cotton of his signature white fitted undershirt, now dusty and greased after a day’s hard labour.

She continued to wrap the bandage round and round her arm, forgetting that at some point she had to tuck it in. She lost herself in the soft ruffling sound of the cloth, the metallic rattling of shop-owners pulling down metal shutters to protect their businesses from anti-social elements as the night drew in, and the faraway howls of the dogs in the street.

After a long, noisy day at the academy, these sounds were almost meditative for her.

Shin turned towards her, having placed the last of his boxes in place. He ran his fingers through his hair and his dark, dampened locks were slicked back in one smooth motion.

He raised it eyebrow at her and she was reminded she was yet to respond.

'How about you try some of this life-giving liquid and maybe it will inspire you to get Gian to work a little faster on a _nicer_ antidote? Something that doesn’t make me want to give up my hope in life.’

He snorted placing his hands on his waist. The lean, soft curves of his face were lit harshly by the flame that danced in the lamp on the wall beside him. ‘If I could get Gian to do _anything_ , I would make him raise my wages. I know I’m his apprentice and all, but I can hardly pay my bills with what that drunkard pays me.’ He looked around, making sure the coast was clear of unwelcome ears, ‘Plus he treats me like I’m his personal assistant or something. You know he had me make three trips to the top of the hill to bring back these berries?’ He pointed accusatorily at the boxes. ‘Great for sinuses apparently,’ he grumbled under his breath.

Mai sighed, ‘End of month fees should be coming in from the parents, I’ll pay you an advance if you’d like?’

Shin shook his hand dismissively, ‘No, Mai. I know you need the money for school supplies and stuff. I’ll manage.’

‘Aren’t you a sweetheart?’ Mai lightly mocked as she peered beyond the opened shutters of the storage of the medical centre she was in.

"Medical centre" was a fancy name for a rundown set-up that Gian, the Healer, worked out of. But it was the closest thing they had to anything of this kind in the part of the Lower Rung of Ba Sing Se that they were in.

The lights were steadily darkening. She should be on her way home.

‘I am actually,’ Shin responded, ‘I left a week’s worth of groceries at your place earlier this evening. Quite some veggies in there so make sure you eat those for stamina.’ 

Mai scrunched her nose at his words of advice and pushed herself off the broken counter she was leaning on as secured the bandages on her arm. She slung her backpack over her shoulders and strode up to Shin where he stood examining the inventory of ingredients against a list in his hand.

Playfully she shuffled her feet, throwing a light punch at his shoulder. Unexpectedly, he dodged her advances, managing to block her incoming punch with his arm.

She stood back, lower lip slightly pushed out, ‘Impressive Mr Healer. Who knew the medical student has _moves_.’

‘I spend half my day at the academy, at this point I could defend myself in an armed robbery from simply watching you,’ he shook his head. 

‘You’re welcome,’ the corners of her mouth lifted into a tiny smirk. ‘Anyway, how have _you_ been getting on?’

‘Oh, don’t pretend to care,’ he rolled his eyes at her, as though relieving her of the responsibility, ‘I would have heard from you in the past week even once if you did.’

‘I’m sorry, Shin, I know I keep pushing our dinner, but there’s just so much work. Every day I feel like there’s more and more that the kids need to be taught before the exam and time is constantly running out. You know how it is,' Mai shrugged. 

Shin nodded. He did. Then, picking up his jacket from the chair beside him, he tossed it at Mai without asking for her approval, ‘Just because you can’t feel it, doesn’t mean the cold won’t harm you. Yes, your biceps look great in your sleeveless combat tunic and I am shaking in fear at your formidable fighting strength, but winter is here so pick warmer clothes.’

She really should have picked out something warmer, it was true. Mai rolled her eyes and pushed her arms through the sleeves of the jacket.

‘How was your session today?’ he asked, assisting her with her backpack as she pulled his oversized jacket over her shoulders.

‘Good,’ Mai drawled. ‘Gian is a master. He pokes me with needles in some random spots in my arms and back, and lo and behold, I have been freshly poured with energy.’

She added a little more seriously, ‘I _am_ grateful, just so you know.’

‘He’s very passionate about your health –

‘About my disease,’ Mai corrected, ‘Don’t think I don’t know that his primary objective is gaining recognition in the medical community by finding a stable cure. And I don’t really mind being his experiment.’

‘Hi, Mai!’ Kinoh walked into the store. The waterbending healer’s waterbending daughter. Kinoh was also an apprentice of Gian’s alongside Shin, and while she was a year or two younger than Mai and Shin, she was almost at the same level as him in her medical practice.

Mai had heard she was exceptional in her healing skills, but her sceptical self couldn’t shrug off the fact that she was also Gian’s _daughter_.

They weren't very close, since Gian had largely entrusted Shin with Mai's medical responsibilities, but she was always very sweet in passing.

‘Hey,’ Mai greeted back.

Turning to Shin again, she lowered her voice, ‘How come you want to waste time on dinners with me, but you never ask Kinoh out? I think you guys would hit it off.’ She added flashing the same controlled smirk from before. 

He shook his head, ‘I don’t know how to ask people out and stuff.’ He raised his eyebrows at her, ‘You have tips?’

‘Just ask,’ Mai rolled her eyes, ‘and take flowers or something. I’ve heard girls like that kind of stuff.’

‘Oh, and also,’ she interjected, scrunching her nose at him as she ran her vision to the top of his head, ‘cut your hair.’

He sighed pulling down the ends of his hair and glancing up at them in despair, ‘The only guy that would give me a decent haircut for cheap, has me banned from his store after I had to go collect Gian that time he got pissed drunk and tried to shave the barber’s beard.' He looked at Mai, 'But since _you’re_ so good with knives and cutting your own hair –

‘I don’t cut other people’s hair,’ she yawned, turning on her heel. ‘Not anymore,’ she quietly added.

‘There goes Mai and the mysteries of her past life that she carries,’ Shin called after, dramatically.

She clicked her tongue in dismissal as she ducked under the half-shut shutters of the storage-garage-medicine-centre-thing and into the streets of Ba Sing Se’s Lower Rung.

She walked down the street, which was as empty as it would get tonight. Most people had barricaded their shops and homes and retreated for the night.

Young boys that loitered around past dark and didn’t want to go home, were starting to form their groups in the shady corners of the street.

Mai kept her head up, instinctively skipping over the potholes in the street that she had memorised on this route she took so often.

Far away the dogs still howled at the moon, in tandem with the occasional flickering streetlight that illuminated her path home. The rest were defunct. Had been for months despite complaints to the municipal department.

She could tell the night was windy. The wisps of her hair around her face danced as a testament to the fact.

Taking off Shin’s jacket, she balled it up in her arms instead. She could not feel the wind. Not the smallest ounce of cold, not the gentlest tickling on her skin. She didn’t expect to. She hadn’t in months. But for some reason, she hoped every day that something would magically flip the switch in her system and her body would overcome the omnipotent numbing of her medicine.

She could hear only the crunching of gravel under her feet, apart from the occasional howls and the random whistles and jeers of the boys that were beginning to throng the darkened alleys of the Lower Rung.

She wasn’t afraid of them. She had her knives.

Oddly enough, the eerie feel of the Lower Rung had always been comforting to Mai. Right from day one. The darkened alleys and quiet hollows were the perfect place for her to hide, the perfect place for her to lose herself. There was something about the anonymity of this place, something about the way you could lose your voice among the hundreds of thousands of people that were trying to be heard.

There were no heroes or villains in the Lower Rung. They were all just people, trying to make a living. Making whatever choices they needed, to simply make it from one day to the next. Making distinctions between right and wrong was a choice reserved for the privileged up in the Upper Rungs and anyway, Mai had never been a very good judge of wrongs and rights and so she was more than happy to let go that privilege.

Being among people that fought battles of life each day, somehow gave her a sense of solidarity in her own battle. Being around people where her previous life had no bearing gave her freedom. Everyone was running here; she didn’t mind running along. It was something to do. 

Mai stopped outside the familiar blue shutters of her abode, she unzipped her bag and pulled out two wrapped up pieces of bread and meat. As usual, the old man and his dog were sitting on the footpath beside the dark structure of her academy.

She walked up to the man who appeared to be dozing, his chin resting on his chest. As she came nearer, the dog, aware that his dinner had arrived, barked loudly, waking up the man with a jolt who sat up straight with a slew of swear words that Mai had never heard in her life.

Those were the only words Mai would ever hear from the man. Never a thank you, nor a cheery greeting. She handed him the food solemnly, kneeling down to pat the dog once. He took the food from her, still muttering curses under his breath. She didn’t know why she had taken responsibility of the dog and his owner, but she had. There was something in the way the old man had looked at her, as though he knew something about her, that made her want to help. 

She stood up and headed back towards the entrance of her academy. 

* * *

Pulling the shutters behind her, she trod lightly over the mat-proofed, cushioned floor of the academy. Her feet padded on the surface, quietly echoing in the large-ceilinged empty hall.

She liked the emptiness of the large hall at night. The echoiness too. Mornings in here were too loud because of the students. 

She was halfway across the large floor on her way to the staircase at the end, that led to her small living space upstairs, when she clearly heard a soft padding of feet behind her. Perfectly in sync with hers, but not hers.

She didn’t quicken, nor reduce her pace, walking at the same speed as before. Extremely cautious now of every sound or movement around her.

In a flash, she spun around and found the space empty, but her sharp eyes caught the light spots of depression in the mattress behind her. A second pair of imprints besides the ones of her own feet.

Soundlessly, she ducked behind a pillar to the side and watched the open floor. A few tense moments passed before a shadow preceded a figure slowly emerging from a pillar it hid behind, looking around to see where its target had disappeared.

Mai pounced and lifted the little girl off her feet as she squealed in surprise. Mai smiled and tucked her under her arms like a bag while she squirmed, and carried her to the centre of the floor dropping her onto the mat. The girl tried to catch her breath from the giggle attack Mai had induced.

While the girl scrambled to get on her feet, Mai sat down beside her. ‘Good effort, but you got impatient,’ Mai offered.

‘I almost got you!’ the girl whined through her giggles. ‘I was waiting for you because I wanted to show you that I drew us.’

The girl pulled up a neatly folded piece of paper from her pocket and handed it to Mai, who unfolded the sheet while the girl peered intently over her shoulders watching Mai’s face to gauge her reaction.

The picture on the sheet was of two stick figures. One taller than the other. The shorter one wore a skirt, while the taller one wore a scowl.

‘Chiya, that hardly looks like me,’ Mai noted suspiciously, turning to the girl and raising her eyebrows at her, ‘Are you sure that’s not …Kenji you drew next to you?’

The little girl gasped and snatched the sheet away from Mai, blushing wildly, ‘No! It’s you, Mai!’

Mai snorted at her reaction, shaking her head. Then added, ‘Why are you awake, it's past your bedtime.’

‘You’re awake too.’

‘Yeah, but I’m also not in school anymore. I already studied hard and got into school _and_ got out of it.’ Mai responded as she pulled the girl closer with an affectionate hand on her back. ‘You know the school entrance tests are very important, right? And you always wanted to go to a big school where you can make loads of friends. Well, you’ve gotta work hard for that kid.’

‘Okay, I will,’ Chiya smiled, stuffing the sheet back into her pocket and took off running towards the stairs that led into the basement. ‘Good night!’

‘Night,’

Mai pushed herself off the floor and trudged up the stairs that led to her little flat, bursting through the stiff door with a push from her shoulder.

She dropped her bag and the jacket onto the table that was uncomfortably close to the front door for lack of space in her ridiculously tiny condo.

She reached up for the scarf that she trusted to hold her hair up in her singular bun and let her hair cascade down her back. It didn’t fall much farther past her mid-back now, where once it touched the start of her thighs.

She simply did not have the time or keep the energy required to care for that much hair anymore. Besides, it got dirtier much faster in the dust and pollution of the Lower Rung, and washing and drying all that hair daily was an impossible task.

As she discarded the scarf onto her floor mattress, she caught a flash of red from the corner of her eye. On lifting her elbow and she was unsurprised to find that it was bleeding from a cut she might have incurred at any point from leaving the medical center to entering her house.

She sighed, walking over to the sink and running the tap water over her injury. It was ridiculous the amount of daily functioning that depends on a person's ability to sense physical simulation. Or perhaps it wasn't, but taking the ability of feeling for granted had never let her acknowledge the utility of it. Till today she couldn’t decide if not being able to feel her wounds was a good thing or bad.

The water continued to run as Mai’s vision spaced out over the sight from her kitchen window. Far away, she could see lights in the distance. Lights in the Upper and Middle Rung where restaurants and entertainment houses and street shows were just getting started for a long night of enjoyment on the weekend. Then for miles around it, the city was thrown in darkness as people holed themselves and their children up in their homes past nightfall in the Lower Rung.

Weekend shenanigans too, were reserved for the residents of only _polished_ localities, Mai had learned of late. 

She watched the pretty lights flicker. Wondering what Ma and Tom-Tom would be up to this weekend. Wondering what Zuko and Ty Lee were doing in the Capital.

It has been quite a while since she had written or responded to their letters.

She yawned. _Tomorrow._


	2. Chapter 2

Mornings in the Lower Rung were far different than the nights, is what Zuko had been told.

The daylight drove the gangs, robbers, conmen, and lurking agents of the Ba Sing Se’s royal security force underground, and what remained was a loud, bustling locality that sufficiently cloaked the sinister underbelly of the city behind a veil of feigned peacefulness.

That is why they needed to finish their work as quickly as possible and head back to the camp outside the city walls before the sun went down again. Trying to make it undetected past the city gates after dark was also a challenge Zuko did not want to unnecessarily assume. General Mak had wanted to avoid the young Fire Lord even coming to Ba Sing Se and personally involving himself in the mission at all, but after last week, Zuko knew he had to take matters into his own hand. 

For months there had been rumours and suppressed reports that the nefarious ‘ _Red Bloom_ ’ drug was being smuggled in small quantities along the borders of the Fire Nation from the Earth Kingdom.

The amount of damage it had caused in the Earth Kingdom in just under a year of circulation was an openly concealed topic that travelled in whispers even among world leaders. Yet, the Earth Kingdom refused to acknowledge any of it. In favour of the new world order focused on peace and sovereignty, nations no longer interfered in the personal matters of each other and so the issue of the drugs had remained an isolated 'Earth Kingdom problem'.

However, the moment Zuko was alerted that the drug might be making it past his borders and infiltrating camps of his soldiers and beyond, he had arranged a meeting with the Earth King to sort out the matter.

The meeting had gone quite a bit awry from the direction Zuko had intended. Earth King Kuei seemed lukewarm at best towards discussing the matter of the smuggling, and tried to turn the meeting into a trade route agreements talk instead. Months of following up in letters had also resulted in empty promises on the Earth King’s part and no substantial results, while reports of the drug being traced in the Fire Nation kept pouring in.

Then last week, after being in denial about the fact that perhaps his soldiers, members of the border patrol, might be engaging in the smuggling and may have turned addicts themselves, Zuko received a horrifying shock.

He was on a military expedition when his guards had woken him up in the middle of the night, and rushed him into a tent occupied by some soldiers. He was met with the sight of a young man that lay cold in his bed; his skin bluish from the lack of oxygen. _Red Bloom_ was notorious for blocking the windpipe and resulting in death by asphyxiation at even a minor amount of overconsumption.

That was the last straw. The terrifying image stayed imprinted in Zuko’s mind as he and his Generals postponed all other projects and chalked up a plan to sneak into Ba Sing Se, collect information on the whereabouts of these drug hideouts and conduct a raid without the Earth King ever finding out.

His reaction could be handled in hindsight. Zuko couldn’t wait to lose more of his soldiers waiting idly for the Earth King’s apathy to turn.

The plan now was to engage with some activists, social workers, and teachers that worked with recovering addicts or anyone not directly linked to the Earth Kingdom government, and get as much intelligence on the matter as they could. He was sure they could piece together enough information for his special operations unit to start working on a plan to take out these cartels from within or in the very least severe their contact or point of entry into the Fire Nation.

‘Eugh,’ Zuko scrunched his nose, rudely shaken out of his thoughts with a strong, wet footing that he had taken into a squashed tomato on the road.

He dragged the bottom of his feet on the gravelly road hoping to wipe off the pulp, walking tensely through the muck and ruckus around him. They were making their way through a fish and vegetable market in the Lower Rung and he couldn’t put into words just how horrible the combination of odours that floated around him was. He wasn’t sure his brain was even at maximum functioning capacity at present being under siege by the smell and loud noises of the market.

This was markedly worse than he remembered it being since his time in Ba Sing Se. Or perhaps, the Middle Rung just wasn’t _this_ bad.

His officers walked a little farther ahead of him, and some a little behind, all dressed in plainclothes to avoid suspicion.

He saw the officers ahead duck into a side alley and head into a small restaurant that they had picked out for the meeting. Zuko followed them, entering from the back door where his soldiers directed him to stay hidden in the back room while they handled business out front. They all agreed there was no use in exposing Zuko to the general public unless absolutely required.

There were some food and drinks laid out in front of him on a table, but Zuko was not interested in refreshments. He dragged a chair and sat down close to the flimsy wall, his sharper ear glued to the wall, listening intently as the meeting began outside. His guard, posing as an employee of his fake organisation, began the introduction. Zuko was told there were about twelve to fifteen people present at the meeting by invite, while the eatery was completely closed for outside guests.

‘Thank you, for joining us here,' the guard began. 'Tomashi Metalworks is delighted to host all of you today. As you must be aware, the owner of Tomashi would like to benevolently invest in infrastructure in the Lower Rung and help combat some issues faced by citizens in the realms of education, crime, or perhaps with alcoholism and drug abuse. So, if you kind folks could comply with us and provide us with your concerns and exactly which localities have these issues and what we can do to help…’

Mai had stopped listening. She could admit that she had only come to this meeting because it had seemed like a lucrative opportunity to secure funding for the Academy and not because she actually wanted to help some unnamed benevolent master. But now listening to the host, and realising the fact that despite their clothes, none of Tomashi's men were from around here, she was certain this was some kind of money laundering scheme which wasn't too much of an uncommon occurrence. Or maybe it was some kind of underhanded approach by the Ba Sing Se government to spy on the activists and get intel.

Even the other social workers who worked in the Lower Rung seemed apprehensive. Not many were providing much input to the host who kept trying to pry out information with words shrouded in innocent concern.

It happened all too often. Big businessmen would come in here and promise help, they would begin projects and uproot families and then abandon them halfway. Sometimes they would provide shining hope to social workers, communities, and families, then after months of communication, they would wash their hands of the project without warning. There was also the fear that the Earth King was keeping tabs on activists that mobilised communities in the Lower Rung to demand their rights.

Mai had often thought about the projects her father would always tell her about. Ones that he said he was overlooking for Firelord Ozai to help the underprivileged in the poorer areas of the Fire Nation. She wondered about the fate of those. Had they too given false hope to many, had her father been complicit in _all_ of Ozai's crimes? Her partiality leaned her to believe that maybe her father might’ve been different from these other businessmen, he certainly had not seemed the shrewd kind. But she couldn’t be sure of her memories anymore.

They were all so long ago.

Mai sighed, standing up from her spot in the back of the room, deciding there was no point sticking around when she didn’t mean to participate.

With her head down she took swift steps towards the exit before she was physically apprehended by a large burly man that stepped in front of her, deliberately blocking her path. The guard looked down at her; expressionless.

‘I’m sorry madam, no one is allowed to leave until the meeting ends.’

‘You can’t keep me in here, I’m no longer interested in the meeting,’ she informed calmly. The host continued to drone on behind her.

‘Madam, please return to your seat,’ the man warned in a low voice.

Mai swerved around him and took a step towards the door when the man grabbed her arm.

‘Hey!’ she yelled in a sharp warning tone.

The room fell silent except for the brushing of clothes and creaking of chairs as everyone turned in their seats. A tense moment passed as the guard released her arm, but continued to block her path.

The host cleared his voice, ‘I’m sorry madam, what seems to be the problem?’

She sighed dramatically, ‘Just ask your man here, to let me through. I am not interested in staying anymore.’

The host shook his head, trying to diffuse the matter. ‘We would just like to hear everyone’s inputs and you can leave as soon as-

‘Here’s my input,' Mai interjected, losing her patience. 'Ask your _benevolent owner_ to come down here for himself and decide what he wants to fund and give us official papers confirming his dedication instead of fishing around for intel like this,’ she spat venomously.

The guests gaped at her and a few drew in their breaths sharply at her words. Most were concerned because they knew she had voiced what they were all thinking.

She looked around emptily at their stares, coupled with the glare of the host at her grim accusation, and felt the grip of the burly man tighten around her upper arm again.

 _Oh, you’ve done it now, Mai._ She thought frustratedly.

She let the man drag her along, not wanting to make a scene in the eatery.

Why was it so hard for her to just keep her head down and do her work in silence?

She heard the host awkwardly laugh and try to distract the crowd and lighten the mood again as she was led away.

What if these were the men of Earth King Kuei and she was in _real_ trouble now? Or worse, what if they worked for the mafia, that she had only heard discreet whispers about until now? She ran a mental check on the knives concealed on her person, as the man shoved her through an entrance in the back of the eatery and into a back-room.

She was thrust into the room and the door was immediately locked behind her. A guard stood by the door within and one stood outside. Before she could even fully look around the room, she placed her hand on the waist of her pants, holding onto a knife concealed on either side, ready to defend. 

But instead of an ambush, she was greeted with a familiar voice.

‘I would recognise that sigh anywhere.’

She spun around, and at once her eyes were locked with Zuko's. Of all places in the world, she didn't think the Fire Lord would be leaning on a wall behind her, hands crossed over his chest, smiling coyly.

For a second she failed to find her voice, struggling to fully comprehend. But then unable to keep her voice down, almost-yelled in surprise. ‘Zuko?!’ 

The guard manning the door turned and raised his hand to his mouth shushing her loudly. She looked at the angry guard, confused, then back again at smiling Zuko. She wanted to rub her eyes and confirm she wasn't hallucinating the sight in front of her. It was more believable that her medicine had developed brand-new side-effects of daytime hallucination than the idea that she had “run into” her best friend, _ex-boyfriend_ , the Fire Lord, at the back of an eatery in Ba Sing Se’s Lower Rung.

Zuko uncrossed his arms, spreading them out. ‘So, am I going to get that hug I’m promised at the end of all your letters or…?’

She made a suppressed screeching noise as she darted towards him, leaping at him as she threw her arms around his neck. He caught her securely in his arms, hugging back with equal enthusiasm, almost lifting her a few inches off the floor.

The way she fit so perfectly in his arms. The way that he was holding her. It was no dream. This was real. He was real.

She parted from his shoulder, still in shock as she _really_ looked at him. Eyes darting across his face that was scrunched from the wide smile that occupied it.

‘What-what are you doing here?’ she whispered loudly, unable to hold back her laughs of disbelief. 

He shook his head, stepping away from her. Both his hands still lightly holding onto her elbows. His first and most jarring thought was how her arms were bare. She rarely had them bare in public before.

‘I’m- uh it’s hard to explain like this,’ he fumbled. ‘And also what are _you_ doing here?’

She shuffled on her feet in excitement. ‘There’s so much I would have to tell you. How long are you here for? How come –

‘Wait, wait,’ Zuko raised his hands asking her to pause. He looked over her head at the guard and indicated something with his hands. Then he looked down at her again with his own smile of disbelief, ‘Let’s have tea together.’

She nodded, letting him lead her to the table in the centre of the room. It was filled with fancy treats that she didn’t even know they had at this eatery.

 _Oh, right. Fire Lord privileges._ She smiled.

Zuko leaned back in his chair smiling at Mai who lifted both her feet up, tucking them underneath her as she got comfortable in her chair. She looked so different in her appearance, and yet she _felt_ the same.

When she looked at him again, her eyes immediately scanned his head and she rolled her eyes in disapproval. ‘What’s with you men, and not cutting your hair?’

Zuko frowned defensively, ‘I actually kind of like the long hair, don’t you?’ He turned his head to give her a view of the backside of his head that sported a small defeated bun that might have otherwise sat high on his head entrusted with the task of holding his crown. His straight hair ran down almost to the start of this shoulders now.

‘It does look good actually,’ Mai admitted slowly, ‘but I know you can get lazy with grooming your hair and–

‘No, no, no I’ve been caring for it just like you told me!’ he interjected, leaning forward across the table as he offered the crown of his head for her to touch and confirm.

She reached out, feeling the softness of his hair. It really was so much shinier and healthier; she didn’t doubt that it was a result of him following her directions. As she raked her fingers through, she couldn’t help but muss up his hair out of excitement.

'Tsk,' Zuko drew back in annoyance, patting down his mussed-up hair.

‘I’m just so thrilled that you’re here,' she shrugged. It was a valid excuse for destroying his hairdo.

The same guard that had manhandled her from before, brought in a tray of tea placing it on the table, making sure to avoid eye-contact with Mai as he left. 

‘How long are you staying? Why didn’t you inform you were coming?’

‘I’m here on a high-priority, top-secret mission and everything was so last-minute. Earth Kingdom authorities don’t know I’m here. Uncle Iroh doesn’t know either so I just wanted to maintain protocol.’ He took a sip of his tea, leaning back again, ‘But I did plan to meet you, Uncle and Toph once everything was successfully completed.’

‘So, this whole thing, this whole Tomashi Metalworks thing, is... _you_?’ Mai questioned.

Zuko glanced up at the guard that was looking at them from the corner of his eye.

This was highly sensitive information and Mai was not even close to being authorised personnel. She had in fact just now been in the group of people they were meant to be hiding this information from and he didn’t even know what she was doing among them yet.

Mai seemed to pick up on his hesitance. ‘Hey, it’s fine. You don’t have to –

Who was he kidding? This was _Mai_ he was thinking about. He could trust her with anything.

‘I don’t know how much you know about the Red Bloom situation in Ba Sing Se?' Zuko began, leaning closer. 'But it’s a highly addictive and potentially lethal drug that’s been making its way into the Fire Nation and the Earth Kingdom authorities have been no help. It's spreading among my men. This young soldier, I saw –

Zuko sighed, shutting his eyes to drown the picture in his mind, feeling the immediate physical effect of the image churning up his gut.

‘–it’s bad stuff. So, I decided to come down here and get some intel.’ He paused, looking up to smile at Mai, ‘So yes, you were pretty much spot on earlier.’

‘I don’t know a whole lot,’ Mai nodded. ‘But I work with children whose families are very poor or dysfunctional, and now lately a lot of their parents have been reported dealing with addiction besides alcoholism. Young boys are getting into these street drugs earlier and earlier too. So yeah, I know what you mean about Earth Kingdom authorities. They’re no help. I believe they get paid sufficiently by the cartels that run these rackets.’

Zuko’s eyes widened, ‘Oh wow, Mai. You can… really help me with this.’

‘I can. I know some people who might know where to go sniffing too,’ she nodded, smiling reassuringly. ‘But do we have to talk about it right away or can it wait? I want to talk to _you_.’

‘It can wait,’ his features softened, as they looked at one another, smiling contentedly. No words needed.

He would always think of the moment they would see each other again, each time he read her letters. And while he never imagined it would be in the middle of a highly sensitive mission in Ba Sing Se's Lower Rung, he always knew he would be absolutely ecstatic to see her. Unfortunately, he wasn't sure she would react the way she had.

He would wonder that when they would meet again, would things be weird? He wondered if they would be so different from their old selves that they would grapple for words to keep the conversation going, and look for ways to exit each other’s company.

He knew he had changed a lot, and so had Mai. She even looked different. Her hair was done up in a scarf and she was wearing far fewer layers of clothing than he had ever seen her don in the Fire Nation. He knew he looked different too.

And yet, the feeling of being with her was unchanged. Still comforting in the same way that it just wasn’t with anyone else. 

‘Let me show you around,’ Mai finally spoke, gently breaking the moment. ‘Spend the day with me.’

‘Why don’t you come with me, Mai? I’m staying at a wonderful guesthouse in the Upper Rung, it’ll be nice and … _safe_ there,’ Zuko offered.

‘I promise it’s not unsafe here!’ she rushed to convince. ‘People here don’t even know what the Earth King’s daughter looks like. You’ll be fine.’

Zuko looked up again at the guards posted at the door, certain that General Mak would throw a fit if he knew Zuko had taken off on his own.

‘Don’t say no, Zuko,’ Mai whined. ‘We’re seeing each other after two whole years!’

 _Two years and four months, dammit_. Zuko sighed inwardly.

He knew he would regret restricting himself in any way while in Mai's company. Mission or no mission.

‘Alright, fine,’ he sighed in sweet defeat.

Mai jumped to her feet in excitement, turning to eye the guards by the door having won this battle against Zuko’s personal security.

He stood up too, brushing his clothes as he motioned for the guards to make way for them, before stopping abruptly.

‘Oh, I just remembered something,’ he looked up straight ahead.

‘What?’ Mai asked.

‘I was supposed to be mad at you for promising you would come down to the Capital City to spend every New Years' with us and really only doing that once in the three years you were away,’ he turned towards her narrowing his gaze accusatorily.

‘I – things get really busy around here on New Year’s,’ Mai replied, an apologetic tone in her voice, ‘I really did want to come, it just –

‘Was it really that bad? In the Capital?’ Zuko couldn’t help blurting out. He realised as the words left his mouth that he had never really gotten to accepting the idea that she had hated being in the Fire Nation enough to run away the way she had.

Mai looked at him, eyes slightly widened in surprise at the bluntness of his question. No, it hadn’t been that bad. And yes, she did want to go back and visit, but she couldn’t.

She rolled her eyes, ‘Don’t get all sappy on me now Zuko, this is supposed to be a happy, reunion moment! How about we go have _fun?_ ’ She looped her hand through his arm as he tipped his head in agreement.

Before they headed through the door, Zuko threw one last command at his guards. ‘Inform General Mak. I’ll manage on my own; come find me in the evening.’

Then they ducked through the covered back entrance through which Zuko had entered the eatery sometime back, and exited into the bright and noisy streets of Lower Rung. 


	3. Chapter 3

Zuko really was trying to take in the sheer amount of people around him, trying focusing on the overwhelming smells, on the obstacles on the road he needed to avoid, and yet nothing worked to distract his brain from Mai’s hand that was clasped in his, as she led him through the twists and turns of the Lower Rung.

‘I know a place to get the _best_ roast duck rolls, and then I’m going to take you to the best place to enjoy them in peace,’ she called to him over her shoulder.

However, she didn’t take them to a _place;_ she stopped in the middle of the street in front of a makeshift stall. No bigger than the man behind it who’s hands were working at the pace of a machine, assembling rolls and handing them out at a speed Zuko had never seen before.

Mai indicated ‘four’ with her hands at him, and the man immediately got to work. The smell of the roast ducks was absolutely scrumptious, but the hygiene of this kitchen was definitely a point of concern. 

Zuko leaned in, ‘Azula was right, you really are slumming it.’

He yelped as Mai elbowed him hard, toppling a step or two sideways. She flashed a cheeky grin at his startled expression, pointing at the ground in a mocking innocent tone, ‘Puddle’.

Zuko shook his head, chuckling, as she picked up a spice shaker from the chef’s modest assortment of ingredients and shook some (really, quite a lot) of spices onto their rolls.

‘Earth Kingdom folks just don’t do spice like us Fire Nation,’ she explained.

They turned to leave after Mai dropped a few coins in the shopkeeper’s hands.

A child beside Zuko suddenly cried out in full volume on not having received the particular flavour he wanted but had forgotten to mention. Zuko almost slapped himself in the head with his palm in a bid to protect his ear. ‘Hoping this special spot of yours is away from all the noise.’

While at one time Mai's entire mood for the night might have been ruined by one unruly child, now she only reached up, rubbing her ear with a slightly inconvenienced expression.

‘It is,’ she assured. Taking him by the hand again.

He hoped they would have to walk a long way before they got to her spot.

Just before they took off, something in her peripheral vision caught Mai’s eye. Shin was waving at her from within the storage-garage unit of the Medical Center across the street.

Instinctively she looked away. Now was not a good time and she could always catch up with Shin later.

She turned back to Zuko but found him looking over her head to the Medical Center. ‘Think that guy’s waving at you.’

‘Oh yeah. Yeah,’ Mai confirmed, realising it was best to just deal with it now that Shin had been acknowledged. She thrust the package of food into Zuko’s hands, ‘I just need to collect some stuff. You stay right here, I’ll –

‘Why? I’ll come with,’ Zuko said, already making to cross the street.

‘Okay,’ Mai followed. This wasn’t a big deal, she just needed to stay calm.

They weaved through the crowd, walking over to the center.

All of a sudden, she felt Zuko’s arm wrap around her neck, yanking her sharply towards him.

Mai tumbled sideways, hissing in annoyance at the unprovoked attack, her face scrunched in a frown as she looked up at Zuko.

‘Puddle,’ he smiled sweetly. 

They entered the garage as Zuko released her. The man, presumably the one that was waving earlier, looked a little taken aback at Zuko’s presence. He could tell because the man looked first at him, before turning his gaze to Mai.

He heard Mai say to him, ‘Stay here,’ as she walked away. Zuko looked away from the man, letting his eyes wander over the run-down garage, but not before he noticed the flower in the man’s hand that he had rushed to stuff into his back pocket the moment Mai and Zuko had entered. ‘Hide’ was a soft word; he had positively jammed the flower in, hoping it wouldn’t make a reappearance.

Boxes lined the walls of the storage they were in, strange equipment that one might see at a Healer’s, littered the far end. Zuko continued to look around as Mai walked up to the man, but was listening.

‘Hi, Shin.’

‘Hey, so-uh, I have all your medicines for up to at least two weeks. Thought you might want to restock.’

‘Sounds good, but I’m going out right now. I won’t be able to take them with me,’

‘Sure, no problem. I’ll have them delivered.’

Then, there was an audible shift in the man’s tone, ‘Also, Gian’s asked me to pull down your dosage a little bit. He wants to see if we can reduce dependency and build natural immunity.’

‘Really?’ Mai sounded excited, ‘How-

She was cut off midsentence when a loud, slurring voice boomed from the entrance. ‘Give her the mint paste, you useless apprentice! Have the mint paste Mai, it’s my new genius invention! It will heal the world!’

Zuko looked to see an old man, flailing and stumbling into the storage in a drunken stupor. The only thing preventing him from rolling flat onto the floor was the young girl holding him up. But, barely.

‘She doesn’t need the mint paste Healer Gian,’ the young man sighed exasperatedly, ‘The paste only helps with bad breath.’ The frustration in his voice was ample indication that this was a recurring phenomenon.

The old man twisted his ankle and the girl yelped in the effort to hold him up, barely staying on her own feet.

Zuko instinctively lurched ahead, supporting the man as he drew his arm over his own shoulder.

The girl looked at him flustered.

‘Think you could use a hand,’ he offered.

‘Yeah,’ the girl huffed, ‘Thanks.’

She directed them to a door at the far end of the room, that supposedly led into a house. Carefully overcoming the few short steps, they entered the man’s home (Zuko supposed). He felt like he had stepped into a master potion workers den. Every single wall Zuko could see in the room he was in, and beyond, was lined in glass vials and boxes of ingredients and bunches and jars of dry and fresh paraphernalia. Everything from herbs and barks, to animal parts. Not even the royal Healer had an inventory this expansive.

They dropped the man who was almost unconscious now, onto a wooden chair. Finally free of the weight, the young girl huffed, breathing deeply, exhausted from carrying from him from where ever the man had decided to lose his wits.

‘You need water or something?’ Zuko asked, concerned.

‘No, I’m-I’m fine,’ she smiled. Tucking her hair behind her ears, she spoke, ‘Thanks for your help.’

‘Yeah, no problem,’ he assured.

‘You’re-you’re here with Mai?’

‘Yeah,’ he nodded.

‘Oh good, I’ll see you around then.’

‘Yeah,’ Zuko smiled one last time, turning around to head out.

‘I’m-I’m Kinoh by the way,’ she called.

‘I’m Zuko,’ he replied, turning around to her.

‘Oh good,’ she shook her head. ‘I mean, nice name.’

‘Thanks,’ Zuko smiled.

Should he compliment her name too? What kind of a statement was that even?

 _Too late_ , he thought. He had already begun walking away. He was relieved to exit the room, unsure what kind of conversation had just taken place.

Mai was waiting for him in the garage and thankfully, that other man was not around.

 _Thankfully? Why thankfully? What are you thankful for?_ He yelled at himself, frowning at his feet as he followed Mai.

‘So, what medicines are these?’

‘I’ll explain, let’s go sit and eat first,’ she said, once again weaving through the streets. Zuko followed, feeling a little uneasy. Mai had also not taken his hand this time.

 _Okay, so you’re not a child that needs to be dragged around._ He sighed.

She spoke again, ‘So, I see you met Kinoh. She’s the Healer’s daughter.’

‘That was her _father_?’ Zuko asked incredulously.

‘Neither of us,’ Mai grinned, ‘has any right to judge –

‘-other people’s parents,’ Zuko nodded completing her sentence in sync with her. He chuckled, ‘You’re right.’

‘What did you think of her?’ Mai had led them out of the market, steadily walking up to a large half-constructed structure a little way off.

Zuko shrugged, ‘She was nice.’

‘Nice?’ Mai dragged the word saucily, turning to raise an eyebrow at him.

Zuko rolled his eyes, ‘Nothing I said or did, warranted a reaction like that.’

‘I think she probably has a crush on you,’ Mai shrugged. She took a turn walking into the structure that Zuko realised was not half-constructed, but half-deconstructed. Most walls were broken and rotting. There were no windows or doors. Just bricks and concrete remaining of what once might have been a proper building. In the center of the space, there were a set of broken stairs leading up to floors above.

_And what about that Shin guy, does he have a crush on you? Do you have a crush on him? Is he your boyfriend? Why does he know you so well? Is Shin a friend?_

‘And does that Shin-how’s he?’ his words tumbled out in uncertainty.

‘What?’ Mai called behind, making her way upwards the staircase.

_Stupid._

‘Uh, the guy’s name was Shin right?’ Zuko fumbled to correct.

‘Yeah,’ she responded. ‘He works with the healer. Nice guy.’

_Nice? Nice. What does nice mean? Is it the same ‘nice’ I meant about Kinoh or is it the ‘nice’ Mai tried to make it into?_

‘He was like one of the first people I ever met here. He helped me settle in and find my footing,’ she explained.

_Oh._

‘Ta-da!’ Mai broke through his thoughts. He looked up, realising they had climbed their way onto the terrace of the building.

The sun was still up, but in another hour or two they might get to witness the sunset. Mai took him by the hand to the edge of the terrace, that had no railings. She sat down, fearlessly flinging her legs over the side of the multistorey structure.

From their vantage point, he could see over the tops of almost all structures in the Lower Rung. There were hardly any multi-storeyed structures in the Lower Rung anyway, most houses and buildings were just a single floor with flat roofs.

And if Zuko really squinted into the distance, he could see where the mish-mash brown of the Lower Rung ended and converted into a more spaced out Middle Rung.

While he quietly took in the wonderful sight, Mai had unwrapped their rolls and handed him one.

He took a bite absentmindedly and the flavours instantly hit him with a rush of memories. Memories of the time he and Uncle Iroh were surviving on cheap street food. There was a warm, homey outline to those memories, even though that episode in his life was filled with bittersweet experiences. More bitter, than sweet.

But then as the wave of nostalgia subsided, and he was hit with a different wave. Of extreme spice.

His eyes widened as he turned to look at Mai. ‘This is so hot!’ he fanned his mouth.

‘Is it?’ Mai giggled at his reaction. ‘Sorry, I have a high tolerance.’

‘Excuse me?’ Zuko shook his head at her, feeling his eyes water up. ‘You don’t find this incredibly spicy?’

‘It’s not _too_ bad,’ she shrugged.

‘Think I need to try this for Dragon’s Breath,’ Zuko choked. ‘Might actually end up breathing fire for once.’

‘Hmm!’ Mai mumbled an excited acknowledgment as she rushed to chew. ‘You’re trying to master the Dragon’s Breath?’ she spoke through a mouthful.

‘ _Trying,’_ Zuko responded, ‘is the keyword.’ His voice was carrying an unmistakable bitterness harboured over months of unsuccessful attempts. ‘It’s a pain in my backside. I just can’t seem to figure it out.’

‘You will,’ Mai patted his shoulder.

They sat in silence, chomping on the roasted duck rolls. Once he had gotten used to the spice, Zuko was able to enjoy the unique blend of flavours that had somehow resulted from the modest set of ingredients the shopkeeper employed.

‘Tell me about the medicines,’ he asked. 

‘Oh, it’s nothing serious,’ Mai swung her legs. ‘I train all day with my students, so I need the stamina.’

‘Yeah, I doubt it’s just that,’ he replied curtly. ‘He was talking about dosages and you’ve always had great stamina.’

‘It’s just for some reason,’ Mai sighed. ‘I’ve been needing more external help. I just take a small dose of these boosters every day and –

‘Everyday?!’ Zuko interjected, turning to look at her sharply.

‘Yeah, I mean –

‘This is what,’ Zuko cut her off, speaking slowly, through a tightly clenched jaw. ‘I despise, Mai.’

She remained quiet.

He turned to her again, ‘I wonder why you love keeping us in the dark? It’s like our concerns don’t matter.’

‘Zuko,’ Mai scoffed a little in disbelief. ‘I promise it’s really nothing. Trust me, you’re overreacting.’

He gave her a sidelong glance, not sure he believed her fully. Still, he chose to accept her justification for the time being.

‘Look,’ Mai pointed at the horizon where the sun was beginning to dip. ‘When the sun goes down, it looks like that hill is eating it up.’

‘How do you know so much about this place?’ Zuko asked. Her knowledge about their current locality made it seem to him that she was here often, he couldn’t imagine why.

She turned to smile at him, ‘I live here.’

‘What,’ Zuko stared back blankly. ‘Here? As in, the Lower Rung?!’

‘Uh-huh,’ she nodded.

‘Mai- _what!_ ’ his eyes grew wide in surprise. ‘I-I thought you might live in the Middle Rung, if not the Upper rung. How come you never mentioned it!’

‘You never asked,’ she shrugged.

Zuko didn’t even know what to say. Why would she be living in the Lower Rung? It’s not like she struggled with her finances, _right?_

‘I know it’s hard to believe,’ she rolled her eyes with a knowing smile, ‘but I’m going to take you someplace where everything will make sense.’

She stood up brushing the dust off her pants, ‘or at least I hope it will.’

‘Where are we going?’ he asked dumbly, standing up.

‘To see my child, my offspring, the fruits of my toiling labour,’ she announced, beaming proudly.

‘I’m so confused,’ Zuko shook his head.

‘Come on,’ she chuckled.

He followed. 


	4. Chapter 4

She lead him back down the same streets they had traversed to get to the sunset spot, but they seemed to have completely transformed in only the two or so hours that they had been up on the building. The fish and vegetable carts were gone, replaced now with fast food and snack shacks. The streets were lit up with lamps and flooded with men and children that were out for their evening leisure after a day’s hard work, whereas it had been mostly women out and bout just a little earlier. It had gotten much noisier too.

In light of Mai’s confessions, he was seeing things differently. Noticing more of this place where he had earlier been happy to avoid the details.

Did Mai live in one of these crammed, square boxes that were just piled on top of one another? He thought, looking at the houses that lined the side of the street. Did she too join the throngs of people flooding the markets for their groceries? She moved so confidently through these streets, effortlessly shifting through the crowds. How long had she been living here?

He couldn’t put his finger on it but something about her _was_ different. He could tell from the start but now he could say with a certain confidence that it had to do with this _new life_ she was supposedly living. That’s not to say she wasn’t happy, only that Zuko couldn’t imagine Mai, who had all her life been overly protected and pampered in her father’s home being comfortable _here_.

The boatloads of irony in the idea that Mai had once been the daughter of the governor of Omashu and was now living in the Lower Rung in Ba Sing Se was staggering. Zuko needed a moment.

He continued to gape around as Mai led them away from the gaggle and down some streets that were a little quieter and got more residential as they moved farther from the market. They all seemed to blend into one another. The same small brown houses in rows and rows with shops intermittently dotting the streets. Zuko couldn’t keep track of how far they had come.

After some time of quiet strolling in the middle of the street, she abruptly changed her course and headed toward the footpath. A dog rushed forward to greet her, circling around her legs as Mai reached into her bag and pulled out a roast duck roll, laying it flat open on the road.

Zuko looked up to see the only other person in the vicinity and found the man already staring at him. A ragged, old, homeless man with fire in his eyes staring daggers back at him. Zuko was a little taken aback but continued to match his gaze. At no point did the man stop, not even as Mai walked up to him and handed him a roll.

She returned to him, following his gaze that was locked onto the beggar. He felt like he couldn’t look away and give the man the satisfaction of the petty win. 

‘Don’t mind him,’ Mai said softly, leading him away.

‘Are you sure?’ Zuko asked, returning a final glare before turning to Mai. ‘He looked like he wanted to challenge me to an Agni Kai.’

‘It not just you,’ Mai said. ‘He’s that way with everyone. I think he used to be a soldier for the Earth Kingdom. He rarely has nice things to say.’

Before Zuko could ask how much farther they had to go, she paused in front of large blue shutters barricading the entrance to a big concrete building, indicating that they had reached their destination. She was beaming as she pointed a finger heavenward, but as Zuko’s eyes followed her direction he realised she was pointing at the name of the establishment painted in big red letters on the face of the structure.

‘Welcome to Ukachi Academy!’ Mai announced grandly.

Zuko stood with his head tilted up, his eyebrows slowly shooting up into his hair as the realisation sunk in. Mai turned around and lifted the shutters, motioning for him to follow.

The shutters went up, revealing not much since the insides were still thrown in darkness.

‘Would the Fire Lord please do the honours?’ She bowed in courtesy, directing his attention to a torch next to them on the wall. Zuko brought a flame on his palm, lighting the torch and through a mechanical setup, the flame travelled along the side of the walls lighting lamps and torches around the hall, illuminating the place entirely. 

Zuko could see now that they stood in the middle of a large and empty hall. The ceiling reached as high a two-floored structure. Practice equipment like swords and darts and protection gear lined the sides, while at the far end he could make out a stack of equipment for more traditional education. Chalkboards, wooden writing stools, and heaps of books.

His eyes scanned the institution trying to take in as much as he could until they fell on Mai again who stood with her hands on her waist, an eyebrow raised haughtily at Zuko’s lack of response.

‘You’re being very rude right now,’ she huffed. 

‘No, no, I’m just …having a hard time,’ Zuko justified. ‘I mean I knew you taught kids…but in your _own_ academy? In the Lower Rung? I’m just… reeling from all this information.’

‘Well, get ready for Sifu Mai’s origin story,’ she shrugged, plopping down on the cushioned floor cross-legged. Her voice echoed a little in the tall-ceilinged hall. ‘It’s nothing crazy, don’t worry.’

Zuko sat down in front of her, also cross-legged. Listening intently.

‘When I moved to Ba Sing Se, Iroh was the only person I knew here. I was staying close to the Jasmine Dragon someplace in the Middle Rung looking for an opportunity to work in Ba Sing Se University perhaps.’ She gathered her knees, locking them close to her chest with her arms. ‘It was the first time I went to see Gian the Healer that I came to the Lower Rung. He, Kinoh, and Shin worked with a lot of these kids and their parents and that’s when I got acquainted with them. They told me they desperately needed a teacher here. The Earth King provides free education to all kids that can pass the entrance exams for the government schools, but these kids don’t even have anyone to teach them the things they need to learn for these exams. That’s where I help them. I’m hoping I can teach them enough that they can get formally enrolled in a proper school.’

‘I can’t believe so much happened for you and I didn’t even know,’ Zuko shook his head in disbelief. ‘You’ve always been there for me and I wish I could’ve helped somehow.’

‘Honestly, it was by design,’ Mai admitted. ‘Maybe it sounds selfish but I was also doing all this to test myself. To see if I could do something worthwhile. Not many people from back home know.’ She sighed at the floor, ‘A lot of these kids would get into bad, bad circles if just left to loiter the streets, no supervision from their parents that are battling their own demons. Here, they learn and make friends.’ Her nails scratched at a tiny tear in the fabric of the cushioned floor. ‘A lot of my students don’t have safe homes or homes at all. So, I’ve got a nice bunk set-up going in the basement too, some of them live here. About eight or nine at moment.’ Then she turned her head back, pointing up to the door on the second level that a lean set of stairs led up to. ‘I live up there.’

‘Wow, this- this is incredible,’ Zuko breathed, his hands running through his hair, still not sure he was processing everything she was saying. ‘I can’t believe you’re doing all this by yourself!’

‘Not even remotely by myself,’ Mai chuckled. ‘Toph and Iroh helped me set-up. Shin has been here since day one for me and the kids. Riku is this older kid that basically helps me run the academy. So many parents of the children I tutor helped me build and run this place. Help was always available.'

They sat in comfortable silence. Zuko taking a moment to digest Mai’s new reality, and Mai still quietly going after the tear in the floor.

Both looked up at each other at the same time and knew that the other too was thinking about just how wildly different the last three years had been for the two of them. Both softly chuckled as their eyes met.

‘So that’s how Mai, the daughter of once-governor of Omashu has found herself in the Lower Rung of Ba Sing Se,’ Zuko concluded.

Mai laughed with a gentle eye-roll, ‘I mean it made sense. When I left home, I took only half of my third of the inheritance. I wanted to make sure Ma and Tom-Tom had more than enough to get by. And by the time I set up this whole place, I was half-way through it. I don’t charge fees either; parents pay what they like if they can. So, at the moment I’m funding it all myself.’ She narrowed her eyes at him, ‘It’s the reason why I even showed up to your “Tomashi Metalworks” meeting before you crushed my hopes and dreams.’

‘Correct me if I’m wrong but me being undercover for a few hours should be very much forgivable if you’ve been hiding your entire life from me,’ Zuko commented. There was some bitterness in the thought, but he didn’t let it come through. ‘Don’t get me wrong Mai, but I’d never think you could adjust to something like this you’ve always been so…so –

‘Privileged? Snooty? Bratty?’ She assisted.

Zuko grappled for words as she laughed. ‘I still am all those things as soon as I step foot back into the Fire Nation for your kind information.’

‘Good to know,’ he sighed. ‘Honestly. I thought we lost you for a bit there.’

She smiled, ‘Moving to Ba Sing Se was a trade-off. I left the Fire Nation not so that I could move somewhere else and repeat the same boring, meaningless existence. Coming here was a big choice and I didn’t want to waste my time. I wanted to do something. Something worthwhile.’ She looked up at the ceiling as though introspecting, ‘And the people here are _so_ warm. The kids gave me so much love. So much family. I really needed that when I first came here. I missed you guys and ma and Tom-Tom every day. I was so lonely.’

_And I was so, so numb._

She felt Zuko’s hand pat her knee affectionately.

She tilted her chin down, looking at him again as she adjusted her legs underneath her. ‘I didn’t say it earlier, but I know quite a bit about the Red Bloom situation. Drugs always spread fastest in the Lower Rung because it's these people that the cartels employ to distribute them. They hook them on to it so that they can’t separate themselves from the operation if even if they want to.’

‘Okay…’ Zuko nodded, both their voices had dropped a notch.

‘The number of people addicted just keeps rising. And the deaths too. Such young kids affected by this monstrosity, it’s truly awful. I’m trying to keep these kids away from their destructive parents and in school. There are others that work directly with the parents and might have a lot of information on where these cartels function out of. But there’s a spot I know, we can go there tomorrow.’

‘That’s brilliant Mai!’ Zuko whispered enthusiastically.

‘Yeah, but we need to go there before sunrise –

‘Mai!’

Zuko spun his head to the side at the exclamation. He heard the pattering of many little feet that sounded like they were climbing up the stairs. Sure enough, from a spot in the floor at the corner of the hall, Zuko saw some heads emerge. Then a small group of about ten children, aged between five years to eleven years scurried across the floor towards them.

The girls ran towards Mai. The littlest one, about five or six threw her hands around her neck as Mai scrunched her face, bracing for impact.

The boys, a little older, hung back a bit. Sizing up Zuko, a new man in their territory.

‘Guys,’ Mai announced. ‘Meet Zuko. He’s my friend that I’ve known since I was very little. Zuko, meet the students that live in the Academy and won’t go to bed on time.’

The children sang out a symphony of ‘Hi Zuko’s, some louder than others, and Zuko waved back.

One of the boys, possibly the youngest, was eager to get down to business. ‘Can you fight? Mai can fight, and we all can too.’

‘A little bit, yeah. But you guys are probably better than me since Sifu Mai taught you,’ Zuko shrugged.

‘Can you do this?’ the kid pulled his unsuspecting friend by the shoulder and flipped him backward onto the mat.

The boy’s friend retaliated with a kick and just like that, a friendly tussle began on the floor. Zuko watched, noticing all the foundational moves that he too was taught in the Fire Nation Academy as a child, marvelling at the sight of Earth Kingdom boys practicing these traditional Fire Nation moves that they must have learned from Mai. 

While Zuko continued to watch the boys, one of the girls whispered loudly in Mai’s ear, her hands cupping her mouth doing little to filter her words. ‘Is he your boyfriend, Mai?’

This was followed by stifled giggling from the other girls surrounding her.

Mai rolled her eyes, ‘Do you guys really think every boy I hang out with is my boyfriend? He’s just a friend.’

Zuko turned to look at her raising his eyebrows. He wasn’t going to let her wiggle out of this one without at least a little bit of discomfort. ‘I happen to remember a time when you were desperately trying to change that fact,’ he smiled coyly at her. Mai narrowed her eyes at him. ‘Or did I imagine all those handwritten letters you would send me via my sister when we were in school?’

The girls giggled and _ooh’d_ at this information and the boys quit their struggling, tuning in to the conversation at his revelation. Mai’s lips parted in mild astonishment, but he noticed the corners of her mouth turn upwards.

‘I just sent those as a _friend_ ,’ Mai clarified blithely.

‘Oh really?’ Zuko countered, leaning on his hands planted behind him on the mat in triumph. ‘Because you would painstakingly write down your 'favourite' romance couplets from our classes even though I could just read them from my text scrolls anyway, _and_ you would draw little firebugs and flowers and hearts all ov–

 _Stop,_ Mai mouthed, extending her leg and landing a light kick on Zuko’s knee, nonetheless amused.

More amused, were the children.

One of the older boys pointed at her. ‘Ew, Mai! You drew hearts? You were so girlie.’ He demonstrated his distaste with a gagging motion which was quickly followed by a kick from one of the older girls to the back of his knee. 

‘Tell us Zuko, what else did the letters say?’ the youngest pleaded.

‘Did you like her too?’ a boy asked. 

‘Did you guys ever hold hands?’ another girl interjected, her eyes were wide in awe and Zuko could tell her little head was filled with romantic fairy-tale notions of love. This particular question was followed by more giggles.

Before he could offer any answers, Mai interjected.

‘Wait! I have a story to tell.’ They all turned to look at her. ‘Remember that time when Chiya brought flowers for Kenji –

The girl who Zuko assumed was named Chiya, perhaps around eight or nine years old, slapped a hand onto Mai’s mouth preventing her from spilling the matters of her heart. The rest of the children erupted in laughter at the mention of this Chiya-Kenji saga. Mai kept drawing the wildly blushing girl’s hand down and pretending to let out her secrets, while the other kids pointed and laughed.

Zuko’s cheek hurt from smiling. He had never seen Mai like this. He had never known her to be one for any particular affection towards children that were not her own baby brother. And at this very moment, there were three kids in extreme proximity to her. One holding on to her head, another sprawled onto her lap, and yet another hanging on her shoulder. Shockingly, none of which seemed to bother her. 

He didn’t know the sides of Mai’s eyes could crinkle that much when she smiled. Maybe in the three years that she had been away, she had just learned to do that a lot more.

Their laughs slowly died down as Mai sat up straighter. 

‘Okay you guys seriously need to go to bed,’ Mai then said, a little sternly.

The kids seem to take her indication, getting up from the mat. They said their goodbyes and goodnights making their way back towards the stairs in the floor that Zuko assumed led into the bunker Mai had spoken about earlier.

The oldest boy called back before he disappeared down the stairs. ‘Shin came by earlier and dropped off somethings at your place, he wanted to speak to you and asked where you were. I said I didn’t know, but I can tell him tomorrow that you were outside talking to _other boys,_ ’ he teased.

‘Hey, Shiroh, we’re gonna do a new lesson for you tomorrow. It’s called Minding Your Business,’ Mai retaliated as the boy sped down the stairs.

_Why did it matter for Shin to know Mai was talking to 'other boys'? Did Mai and Shin have something?_

Zuko quickly dismissed the thought. He was probably overthinking. It took the kids two seconds to ask her if she was dating Zuko and they’d never even seen him before. They probably paired her with Shin all the time too.

Even then, the idea that this Shin guy had unrestricted access to Mai’s home was troubling to him. She was a very private person otherwise. It had to mean _something_.

 _Holy Ran and Shaw,_ Zuko sighed miserably, knowing these thoughts would not leave him any time soon.

Suddenly there was a knocking on the shutters that brought him back.

Mai got up from her spot, rushing over and peeping through a hole in the side of the shutters, ‘Think it’s your guards.’

 _Right on time for the rescue._ Zuko thought. He stood as she let the shutters up.

Sure enough, two of his guards stepped through, followed by General Mak. They acknowledged each other with a nod.

Mak gave a cursory passing glance at Mai, then doing a double-take, turned his mildly-surprised gaze at her, ‘Lady Mai! I almost didn’t recognise you there.’

‘General Mak,’ she nodded. ‘Just Mai is fine. Hardly a lady anymore.’

‘It’s-it’s very nice to see you,’ he smiled. ‘Your mother misses you a lot.’ Immediately he rushed to add, ‘she told me once when I spoke to her on official duty.’

‘Yeah,’ Mai smiled, a little unsurely.

‘We should leave Fire Lord,’ Mak said, regaining his composure as he turned to Zuko.

‘Yes,’ Zuko agreed.

‘Wait,’ Mai said stepping towards him and dropping her voice. ‘Zuko, I think you should stay here. I have a vacant space across the street where I accommodate helpers and caretakers and teachers but it's empty at the moment.’ She slowed the quickening pace of her voice before continuing, ‘I mean, I’m only saying because you never know when information can come in here and it would be difficult for us to communicate if you went back. Plus, we’d have to do most of our scouting in the dark, at night or early morning.’

‘Mai –

‘Oh, come on, Zuko,’ she reasoned. ‘It makes sense in respect to your mission _and_ it’s not every day I get to have you here.’

Zuko rocked on his feet, deliberating the proposition. He looked at his guards and walked up to them. Mai, understanding, stepped behind so he could discuss the matter with his security.

‘I think what Mai says makes sense,’ Zuko said, avoiding General Mak’s gaze. Mak knew him too well, and his sharp look always felt like it was scanning Zuko for the real meaning behind his words. ‘It’ll help us wrap up the mission faster if I stay right here where our information is.’

General Mak spoke, ‘I am only worried about your safety, my Lord. We will not be able to protect you here as well as we could in a fortified location.’

Zuko looked at Mak and nodded. That made sense too. But Zuko’s nodding, and the thoughtful scratching of his chin was only a pretence, he had already made up his mind.

General Mak, as usual, seemed to realise what was going through the young emperor’s mind. He sighed, ‘But of course, as you wish my Lord.’

‘Just trust me, General,’ Zuko assured.

Mak threw one last look of caution at Zuko and then at Mai, considering himself defeated against young love.

Zuko watched his guards leave before turning back to Mai, and without missing a beat, she pulled an effortless backflip, an ability gifted to her by her best friend Ty Lee, standing back up.

‘You probably can’t tell but I’m very excited,’ she announced, in the same signature monotone voice that people loved to hate.

‘Couldn’t tell at all,’ he smiled.

They walked up the stairs to Mai’s house, where she said they could have dinner before she took him to the empty flat across the street.

Mai had offered to stay in the other flat and let Zuko stay in hers for security purposes but he had declined. He had no doubts in his mind about the place mainly because he was certain General Mak would survey the property thoroughly on his wait out of the Lower Rung.

Just before she dislodged the jammed doors with her shoulder. She warned Zuko, ‘Manage your expectations, I don’t want to hear any negative exclamations of shock about how tiny it is.’

He followed her through the door and immediately stopped, as Mai swerved around the dining table placed too close to the door. She wasn’t lying. It was very small. Cozy for one person to live in, but would definitely be crammed for two.

‘Wow, Mai! This is so huge!’ Zuko wondered, ‘It’s like a mansio-

A punch landed straight on his arm. ‘You’re asking for it,’ she announced, heading into the kitchen.

‘Don’t tell me I’m going to witness you cooking!’ Zuko leaning on the doorframe leading into her small cooking space.

‘Not your lucky day,’ Mai said, opening the covered tops of clay pots that sat on her counter. ‘The oldest kid in my academy, Riku, is around fifteen. He and his mother have been there for me since the Academy was just a drawing on a sheet of paper. They couldn’t pay for me to teach Riku, but the kid basically helps me run the place at this point.’ Mai chuckled fondly. ‘His mother figured out pretty early that I was a hopeless case when it came to cooking, so she sends food over almost every day. I don’t even have to ask.’

‘Sounds like you’ve found kin,’ Zuko said, walking over to the center of her apartment. Her mattress held a box of vials, presumably the medicines that were being talked about earlier.

Zuko picked one up, but it gave no indication of what it held. A faint green coloured liquid was housed within glass walls.

‘Yeah,’ he heard Mai from the kitchen.

Mai scooped the rice into their bowls. She never said it out loud, but the people she had found here were like family. In the time of her life that she had felt the loneliest, it was the people and children of the Lower Rung that gave her love as if she was their own.

This is why she loved being in the Lower Rung. People here felt things so intensely. They laughed and cried together. They grieved their losses loudly and for days. Relatives and neighbours joined in grief and sorrow indiscriminately.

When a child threw a tantrum in public, the parents didn’t rush to shut them up. The women talked about their lives while they went about their chores and rescued each other from their sometimes-horrible realities. There were hardly any secrets here. In fact, Mai often felt out of place, never being one to divulge any information of her previous life no matter how much the people probed.

Mai needed to be around these extreme, loud, and brash feelings. Among ugly and beautiful feelings alike. Among unrestricted expression of love, and hate and guilt and anger.

Living vicariously through others was the only thing that made her feel alive in her otherwise numb existence.

She brought the steaming bowls of possumchicken and rice, handing one to Zuko and heading over to a chair that sat pointing at a window in her wall. Zuko pulled one up too, as they sat facing the window.

The wind blew gently through the hole in the wall, cooling his overheated meal. The view wasn’t much, Mai’s neighbourhood was rather quiet and chock-a-block with the same bland homes that filled the rest of the unrecognisable streets in Lower Rung. But the low heights of the structures meant they had a clear view of the night sky.

The moon was almost full-tonight. It had been full last night. Mai turned slightly to look at Zuko who blew on his food and Mai realised then that she might’ve heated it too much.

It would have been nice if tonight was had been the full moon; she would have gotten to share it with him then. 

But then she wouldn’t be here because full moon nights she had to go for her sessions with Healer Gian when his healing abilities were at maximum power. She felt the bubbling of a familiar bitter resentment brewing in her stomach and stuffed a spoonful of rice into her mouth to quell the emotion.

He turned to look at her, catching her eye, and Mai expertly jumped into dialogue as though that had always been her intention. ‘Some time while you’re here, we have to go to the Jasmine Dragon together,’ she said. ‘I haven’t seen Iroh in a while, so if I bring you as a peace offering, he’ll be less angry.’

‘Done,’ Zuko chuckled.

‘So-uh,’ he continued after a minute or so of solitary reflection. ‘I won’t pretend to know everything about this situation, but I believe General Mak and Michi have met a few times _apart_ from the times I asked him to handle official business.’

Mai turned to face him, her eyes widening, ‘Go on.’

‘I mean,’ Zuko shrugged, ‘That’s it, really. I don’t know much else. Only that I entrusted General Mak with the duty of making sure Michi and Tom-Tom had frequent updates on Ukano and that he would assist them in meeting him whenever they wanted, so perhaps they decided to have some unofficial conversations along the way…?’

‘Wow,’ Mai leaned fully back into her chair, chewing on the end of her chopstick thinking of earlier when General Mak unwittingly confessed about speaking to her mother about her. She was reminded about the two or three times her mother had mentioned Mak in her letters. At the time Mai hadn’t even noticed a pattern.

‘I mean, General Mak’s a nice guy?’ She did think he was, but the questioning tone of the statement was more for Zuko to confirm the fact since he was a better judge of Mak’s character.

‘He’s a wonderful man,’ Zuko agreed. ‘I trust him completely so that’s not something you have to be worried about.’

‘Yeah,’ Mai nodded, ‘Good for her, honestly.’

‘Mhm,’ Zuko agreed, getting up from his seat, and heading towards the kitchen.

‘You need something?’ Mai whipped around, trying to not sound alarmed.

‘No, it’s fine,’ he called, looking around the countertop and the drawers in her kitchen. ‘Just needed some seasoning.’

Drawer after drawer seemed to be completely empty except for cooking equipment. Despite the tiny-ness of the kitchen he couldn’t seem to locate the spice rack.

He heard her leap over to the kitchen.

‘Oh wait,’ she said, spilling through the entrance. ‘I just remembered I lent my spice box to the children’s caretaker. It’s down in the bunker, I’ll just go get it.’

‘No, it’s –

Before Zuko could object, Mai had zoomed out the door.

She flew down the stairs, stepping lightly but quickly over the floor in the dark.

 _These pesky little details will give me away_ , she thought grimly. She didn’t keep spices because she couldn’t taste them anymore. Her cooking was limited to boiling and frying and pasting and reducing her food to the easiest and quickest mode of consumption.

Following her diagnosis and treatment, there were tons of little changes in her life that had taken place over the course of three years, and she couldn’t even list them all now if she wanted. It didn’t help that Zuko had a sharp eye either.

She sprinted across the hall.

It’s just that, she knew Zuko would sour if she told him about everything now. She didn’t want this short reunion to go south in any manner whatsoever. Besides, her health was completely in control at this point, there was no reason in digging up past occurrences that might cause bitterness.

She wanted Zuko to stay as long as he could but things like this made her want him to leave immediately. Had she made a mistake by asking him to stay here?

_Mai, you’re overreacting. This is fine. A lot has changed around you and he’ll be too overwhelmed to notice the little things. Besides, it's only for a few days._

With muscle memory she navigated down the stairs, remembering to be extremely light on her feet and not wake up the kids. The caretaker saw her and sat up in her bed. Mai motioned with her hands that all was okay.

She tiptoed to the end where the caretaker would cook the meals for the children and picked up the spice box, tiptoeing once again on her way out.

 _I just need to be more careful,_ she noted.


	5. Chapter 5

Mai wasn’t sure how, but even with her eyes shut, she could tell she was in Gian’s healing den. There was just this foreboding sense of fear that always accompanied the knowledge of being in the den and she could feel it bubbling in her chest.

Her eyeballs frenzied under her shut eyelids as she tried to open them and signal Gian who she could hear tinkering away somewhere in the room. Slowly her eyelids fluttered open, she blinked away the moisture at the corner of her eyes as her hazy vision struggled to focus in on her darkened surroundings. She lifted her arm from the wooden table to signal to the healer and caught a glimpse of her hand and her unsettled vision made it seem like her hand was misshapen.

A little disturbed but still too tired to react, she tried to blink away the illusion. She blinked, once, twice, but her hand refused to take its form. Her heart skipped a beat as she realised – her hand was melting.

She shot up straight, her head swimming from the sudden effort and the fear. She glanced down at herself and the skin all over her body was melting, just dropping off like it was goop. Her heart felt like it would break from how fast it was beating. She slapped her hands onto her face which felt waxy and lumpy. She let out a whimper in fear, too shocked to comprehend what exactly was going on, unable to tear her eyes away from the spot in her arm where the red mass underneath her skin was starting to show.

‘Wha-Whats-Whats happening to me?!’ she screeched at the Healer who was still calmly tinkering away on a table, not too fazed by Mai’s disintegration.

‘Thought it was kind of obvious,’ he responded matter-of-factly. ‘You are dying.’

‘I thought the treatment was working!’ she cried out mortified, trying to not look down at herself, her heart racing a mile a minute.

‘Yeah, that’s what we thought too. Too bad it’s not though,’ the healer simply shrugged at the inconvenience. ‘Your body is eating itself up and there’s nothing me or any other healer can do for you and in fact,’ the old man paused, rubbing his belly thoughtfully. ‘We don’t _want_ to do anything anymore because thinking up cures is getting tiring and boring and making remedies don’t pay for alcohol and _all_ us healers need alcohol all the time!’

‘What are you talking about!?’ Mai yelled frantically, looking for an exit. Something was wrong, there was no pain, she was melting into the ground and there was no pain.

The mad healer continued to thoughtfully rant about how there simply wasn’t enough alcohol in the world to fuel good inventions in medicine.

Mai tried to get off the table. ‘I-I-I need to tell my mother, and Tom-Tom.’ Her voice quivered, ‘I need to tell my friends and my dad, and I need to tell Zuko!’ Words were tumbling from her mouth in her desperation to get out her thoughts before her lips melted off her face.

‘Oh, don’t worry about _that_ Mai,’ Gian tutted affectionately at her. ‘I already sent them all letters saying today is your last day being alive and they asked me to wish you good luck.’ Then the man turned to the vials he had been working on again, ‘Apparently, there’s a special holiday in the Fire Nation and there will be lots of wonderful fairs so they said they couldn’t come.’

‘No, no, no, no, no.’ Mai panicked, trying to reach the shelves. She needed to find the green stuff. Green bottles, green liquid. Green liquid could fix this. ‘I can’t die! I’m so young, please! Please Gian you have to help!’ she pleaded stepping foot onto the ground. 

Immediately she found herself stuck and unable to move further. Her legs were starting to melt into the floor.

With a sharp intake of breath Mai awoke with a jerk, flailing her legs that were trapped under a heavy folded blanket at the foot of her bed. She sat up straight, pulling her legs as she scrambled away from the blanket. She reached for her face checking to see if her skin was intact, wiping down the dampness of the sweat that had accumulated on her forehead.

 _Did I take my medicine last night?_

She jumbled off the floor, rushing into her bathroom. She flung open the small cupboard on the wall, revealing a ready supply of green tonic, and grabbed one hastily. She paused, placing her bottle down deliberately. She needed to calm down first.

She looked at herself in the mirror. She looked positively spooked, but nothing was melting. She was fine.

 _It’s not even possible to melt you complete idiot._ She thought, trying to swallow down the awful knots in her throat. _Everything’s fine. It’s just a weird, bad dream. Relax._ But this was the most vivid bad dream she had in a while. Maybe ever.

Try as she might she couldn’t remember if she had taken her medicine. She hadn’t taken it when she usually would – at dinner, since she spent that with Zuko.

She touched the cold sink. Only she couldn’t tell if it was cold and that brought immediate relief. The effect of the old dosage had not worn off yet. 

Still, it was better to take the medicine to just be sure. She braced herself, opening the bottle and downing the contents without much ado. Instantly she was possessed by the stark contrast of the tingling of the potion once again as she tried to swallow the poison-like liquid, holding on to the sink for support as her shoulders drew in from the effort.

Perhaps even if Gian was successful in making a remedy that didn’t need to be administered so frequently and didn’t leave her numb, she wasn’t sure she might ever be able to taste food anyway since the potion probably burned off her tastebuds every time she took it. Or at least it sure felt that way.

Her heart hammered in her chest, taking a little longer than her rational brain to recover from the oddly real-feeling dream she had had. Throwing the vial in a bin, she strolled back into her room, sitting down on her mattress with her legs folded underneath her, and closed her eyes in a meditative stance.

It’s not like even if she did forget to take the medicine, she would immediately fall sick. Gian had even said she was naturally building immunity and he wanted to wean her off the medicine anyway.

But still, she couldn’t shake away the fear. The fear of falling into the fever again even though she hadn’t fallen seriously ill for almost and year and a half now. Moments like this made her realise no matter how much of a brave face she put up on the outside, the effects of her fever bouts had left a severe impression on her subconscious.

Her mind began to replay the events of the first time the healer had told her that in a rare, peculiar disease her own body was attacking itself, mistaking it to be an imposter. She had met ten different healers before Gian, who was the only one who had any idea of what was going on. He told her that she needed to constantly provide her body with this medicine so that it would have reinforcements to protect itself from the constant attack it was under.

In the beginning, she would constantly fall ill, the four-five-day long sicknesses where she couldn’t move, and each time she had no idea if it was going to be her last.

She breathed out. But it wasn’t like that anymore, healer Gian had managed to create a somewhat stable medicine that helped her, though its side effects reduced her intrinsic motivation to keep living.

But more than these things about her health, it was the seemingly deeply embedded messages in her dreams that had her so rattled. Why did she think Gian didn’t care? He did, he had worked tirelessly on her to the point that she was close to being as healthy as she had been before. Yes, maybe his motivation wasn’t completely altruistic, but that didn’t mean he would leave her for the dead.

And why did she think her family and friends didn’t care? They cared so much.

 _And they would come to be with you in an instant. If you will let them._ She reminded herself as she breathed in deliberately filling her brain with fresh air.

She opened her eyes, looking out of the window at the dark sky, realising they didn’t have too long before sunrise to go scouting.

* * *

Zuko wasn’t sure if he had felt the nudge, or just dreamed it.

But then he heard a voice which he was certain was not in his dream.

‘Wake up.’

‘Hmm?’ he mumbled drowsily, snuggling under his sheets. When did it get so cold in the Fire Nation? ‘Mm,’ he grumbled again. ‘Postpone meetings please.’

‘Excuse me?’ Mai asked, nudge-kicking him in the shoulder again.

Zuko’s eyes flew open as everything came rushing back. He sat up in a jiffy, looking around with groggy eyes confirming that he indeed wasn’t in his bed-chamber in the Fire Nation but in a small dingy apartment in the Lower Rung across the street from Mai's.

The owner of the flat and his recently reunited friend was towering above him with her hands on her hips.

He rubbed his eyes, ‘Sorry, I thought…I was at home.’

‘Home?’ Mai repeated. Sounding out the word with interest, turning around as she walked over to the small wood burner at the opposite end of the flat where the image of a pot boiling for tea started to materialise as Zuko’s vision cleared. ‘Interesting,’ she said. ‘You always called it ‘palace’ or ‘Fire Lord’s home’ never just ‘home’.’

‘Yeah, I’m starting to accept that it is what it is,’ Zuko yawned. ‘I can’t keep hoping one day I’ll magically wake up not the Fire Lord anymore.’

‘That’s… nice to hear,’ she said. ‘Honestly,’ she reiterated her relief at his words. It was no secret, least of all to her, how desperately he had wanted to cut loose from his kingly duties. How badly he hoped he could ‘mend’ Azula and let her take over the duty he truly did not believe he deserved or was capable of performing. What else was a man supposed to think if he was raised all his life being told he was not worthy of the throne?

She brought over the kettle and two cups sitting down across from Zuko who leaned back against the wall looking out of the window above Mai’s head; the sky was still dark outside. Her hair was already tied up, in the peculiar single bun secured by a scarf. He thought he might have gotten to see it open. See what it looked like now. It had to be shorter.

And while daydreaming about Mai's hair, he reached for the kettle to pour himself some tea and hissed in shock withdrawing his hand with a jerk from the heat of the handle. He was definitely more taken aback than he was hurt by it.

‘Yeah, it’s hot,’ Mai replied apologetically, getting up to bring a cloth to hold the handle with even though Zuko was almost certain she had held the kettle barehanded while bringing it over.

 _Probably wasn’t too hot_ , he thought. Just that he was shocked out of his grogginess by it.

They sipped on their tea in silence. Both enjoying the pre-twilight calmness. There was the comforting feeling of the world coming to a standstill that could only be felt in the hours before daybreak when time felt suspended. To be spending this moment in the company of piping hot tea and someone special was even rarer and more cherishable for them both. Only that neither of them knew that the other was holding on to the moment just as tightly as they were.

Zuko felt the gentle coolness of the breeze that would go missing in Ba Sing Se the moment the sun came up swishing over his forehead and lulling him back to sleep. 

‘If we finish our mission in time, we can reward ourselves with a nice breakfast at the Jasmine Dragon,’ Mai said quietly.

He smiled. ‘I should put you in charge of planning my missions. Breakfast plans aren’t usually included in General Mak’s schedules.’ He paused before clarifying, ‘Which is a shame.’ 

‘You need to find someone that will do breakfasts with you _outside_ of missions Zuko, and it’s not going to be General Mak,’ Mai rolled her eyes. ‘Or at least I hope,’ she remarked with a raised brow.

‘You’re right,’ he sighed. ‘General Mak’s too busy having breakfasts with your mom.’

‘Ew. Gross,’ she scrunched her face in pain.

‘Sorry,’ he sniggered quietly into his cup.

* * *

Zuko exited the restroom having quickly freshened up and dressed in all black from head to toe for their little excursion. A black cloth was wrapped over the lower half of his face to protect his identity in case they were apprehended and his hair was pulled back into a bun at the base of his nape. 

Mai was sitting by the door, seemingly ready to head out. She was rewrapping her cotton bandages around her wrist.

Once again, no holsters, no sleeves. Very odd.

‘Where do you keep your knives?’ he inquired casually.

She patted the belt-like leather cloth around her waist, then bent down pulling up the edge of her pants to reveal her ankle holsters. ‘Don’t worry they’re still here. I’m gonna get the bad guys before they get you. Fear not.’

But Zuko wasn’t looking at her knives, something else had caught his attention. He walked up to where she sat, taking her hand and pulling her arm up towards him. Small cuts and scars and scrapes randomly marked her arm going all the way up. ‘Feel like you _need_ your sleeves to protect yourself,’ he remarked but it was more of a question. He’d never seen so many scars on her.

‘I train with the kids all day. These are from then,’ she said, pulling her arm back. ‘The cushioned floor in my academy? It’s the most expensive investment I’ve made and it was to avoid repetitive injuries like these. I also don’t wear sleeves anymore because Earth Kingdom weather is horribly humid most of the time and I figured I could do away with my wrist holsters since I’m not constantly under any danger here or anything.’ She finished with a sigh, standing up in front of Zuko, only a breath away from him. ‘Was that sufficient justification Your Highness or do you still think there’s some funny business going on here?’ Her nose was high up in the air as she playfully challenged him.

Zuko scoffed as she stepped back to lead them through the opened door and into the streets outside. ‘Oh, there’s definitely funny business here Lady Mai, but I will not be accusing you of hiding evidence unless I have proof to show for it, so rest easy. For now.’

‘So,’ she said as they picked up the pace, walking briskly through the quiet dark streets. There was almost no light to support their vision, only the natural glow from the waning moon to guide them from not walking into a wall. Zuko had to trust Mai’s instincts on this one. ‘I’m taking you to the shipment dock.’

They rounded a corner. ‘It’s one of three shipment docks in Ba Sing Se and I’ve heard rumours it’s possibly the one that ships contraband. The other two are in the Middle Rung and Upper Rung, and so much more difficult to smuggle things out of.’

Zuko listened intently, ‘hmm’ing his agreements and following Mai through the gravelly streets. ‘I’ve been told there are large go-downs there with shipments and at this time, just before sunrise, there’s a change of shifts for the guards. We should be able to slip in and out without much difficulty and see what we can pick up.’

They continued walking quietly. After some time Zuko could tell that the road they had been walking on had changed textures. There was no more concrete, they were walking in dirt now. Apart from the soft padding of their own footsteps, there was also the occasional howl of dogs and some odd noises he couldn’t place. The Lower Rung at night definitely made one feel the need to have a knife on-person. While he wasn’t carrying his dual swords, Zuko did have a small machete tucked in the back that he hoped they wouldn’t have to use.

The weather was quite chilly too, the cold was seeping into his clothes that were covering him from head to toe. He was surprised Mai didn’t need more coverage on her body.

Zuko was able to tell when they were getting close to the dock. He could smell the ocean. But not the fresh ocean, not the kind of inviting scent that would greet vacationers when they entered Ember Island. It was more like the stale water stench; the kind of musty smell that came from old water that crowded the docks and ate away at the wooden platforms and housed moss and algae.

They reached tall barbed wires that Zuko assumed were bordering the shipment yard. The spot Mai had taken him to looked unpatrolled (possibly because of the change in shifts she spoke about). She cut through the wires with a swish of her knives and they slipped by without much difficulty.

The yard was filled with large shipment boxes stacked on top of one another and made their sneaking about rather efficient. They tiptoed swiftly between large piles of boxes, rushing past warehouse after warehouse that seemed to be guarded a little better than the open area, they were in.

The few guards that were patrolling the open docks gave away their presence with the lanterns in their hand or the noise of the chatter amongst themselves.

Easily they avoided the guards, as Zuko followed behind Mai. Then finally, she paused crouching behind a box and turned around to him. He leaned closer as she whispered, pointing at a warehouse. ‘Look.’ He lifted his head above the box and looked. ‘The boxes in all the previous warehouses were marked with a red seal. That means they have been checked by customs officers. The ones in here don’t have the mark.’

Zuko understood the implication, the unchecked boxes didn’t _have_ to be Red Bloom shipments. They could be anything that was illegal, they could also be completely legal items pending a check. But, if Red Bloom was indeed being shipped out of the Lower Rung and there was reason to believe it was, there was a high chance it was in these boxes.

‘Should we get closer?’ he asked crouching down again.

Mai looked around and could only spot one guard on the far side. She nodded at Zuko, slipping into the narrow spaces between the box piles trying to get a better look. 

They were behind the last set of boxes that could give them cover before they had to make a run for the warehouse but the way ahead looked clear. With a nod of her head, she indicated to Zuko to go ahead and she would follow. He understood.

Just as she felt him move from beside her, she noticed from the corner of her eyes two guards who were sitting on the ground leaned up against a big wooden box, in clear view of them.

She grabbed Zuko’s shirt in time and pulled him back into the gap sharply. Alarmed, but still managing to make no audible noise, he caught his balance with both arms planted on the box on either side of her head. The space was crammed enough that he was pushed up against her. Her heart was hammering at the thought that they had given themselves away because of her carelessness.

She looked up to meet his eyes, a little shaken, and found him looking down at her from the narrow slit in the mask that was wrapped around his head. She couldn’t tell what he looked like under the mask but his gaze was piercing enough this close to her that it made her look away. They waited quietly, with bated breaths, as the men resting shuffled, one of them lighting up a lamp that sat unlit by his side.

Mai could tell the strands of hair by her ear were fluttering because of Zuko’s heavy breathing that blew gently down on her. She wished she could feel his breath on her skin. She should have been able to feel his warmth this close to her.

‘When will the guys from the next shift arrive? I’m gonna fall asleep on the floor,’ one of the guards yawned.

‘Yeah, they always clock in a few minutes late, those bastards,’ the one with a much deeper voice agreed.

Mai’s hand touched the machete tucked into Zuko’s side and it gave her an idea. She pulled the knife out. 

‘We should complain,’ the first guard groaned.

‘To whom?’ the other snorted. ‘Taiko doesn’t give a shit. He’ll drill you into the Earth if you bother him with _workplace issues_.’

She launched the machete in the air throwing it as far away in the other direction as possible. She heard it land in the distance on top of some boxes making a rattling noise.

‘What was that?’ both guards scrambled to get up. Mai and Zuko watched their shadows grow larger as the first one lifted the lamp with him.

‘Probably nothing, but we should check it out,’ the second guard grumbled.

Both began walking in the other direction as Mai and Zuko tiptoed quietly around the box. With the guards distracted, they had less than a minute to go behind their backs and make their way into the warehouse. But just as they sprinted ahead, Zuko’s foot hit an empty unlit lamp on the floor which toppled to the floor and broke with a crash.

Both froze dead in their tracks.

‘There’s someone over there!’ They heard, followed by the running of footsteps.

So, they ran too.

Zuko sprinted in the other direction, hoping if they ran far back enough in the direction from which he remembered entering it would bring them to the barbed wires again. He could tell Mai was following close behind.

He wasn’t sure if the guards had figured out it was them, but they hadn’t seemed to catch on. Their footsteps fell behind quickly and were no match for Mai and Zuko’s trained speed.

In about a minute straight of running, they reached the barbed wires, thankfully without alerting any more guards. Zuko stepped with force onto the wires, pushing them down, then with his bare hands lifted the top while Mai slipped through the gap. He followed and they kept running away from the docks.

The sky was a lot more lit up now, sunrise was close. They ran down the dusty deserted roads all the way until they reached concrete again with the same shoebox houses lining the sides of the streets. Mai staggered to a halt once she was certain they were out of danger, panting with a hand to her chest. Zuko was huffing too, finally allowing relief to wash over him after he was sure they were safe. He reached up pulling the scarf away from his face and wiping down his dampened hair.

They looked at each other and immediately dissolved into a burst of constrained laughter. Zuko shook his head unsure why they were laughing at all like they hadn’t almost blown the Fire Lord’s cover and gotten Mai in danger.

‘You think it’s trouble?’ Zuko asked a little seriously after he had swallowed his laughs. ‘Should I alert my guards?’

‘No, no. Alerting your guards could make people more suspicious. Even if they heard us, I’m certain they never saw us. We were too fast,’ Mai replied. They were walking at a regular pace now and Mai’s eyes were trained at the road, she couldn’t keep the tiny smile away from her lips. It had been forever since she had felt the thrill of adventure. 

She looked sideways at Zuko and her smile dropped. ‘Wait, you’re hurt.’

She walked up to him as he tried to dismiss it. His palm was bleeding from the places where he had held on to the barbed wire. Mai pulled him by the wrist along with her to the corner of the street to a community tap and ran water over his palm. She continued to hold his hand under the running water as though he couldn’t hold it there himself.

‘How will you bend?’ she asked, turning to look up at him.

It wasn’t that he couldn’t, but she knew that it hurt with fresh wounds.

‘I’ll manage, it’s just scraped,’ he shook his head.

She unwrapped the bandage on her arm, wrapping it carefully over his palm instead. Her eyebrows weren’t drawn in typical concern, nor was she fretting or cooing over him, but he could tell there was tenderness and affection in her care. The same affection that had always been there for him, changing forms constantly, yet remaining unchanged. This tenderness she showed for him was one he knew he didn’t deserve. The care he knew she should have wasted on someone else.

He watched her tie a knot on the bandages to secure them in place and was overcome with the desire to just bend down and kiss her. Lift her chin and show her he loved her still the same. He wondered how she would react. Logically, he knew he might receive a fist to the gut but what if there was a chance that she wouldn’t mind.

It was probably delusion, but the temptation he felt to just dip down and try his fate, seal it with a kiss, know for once and for all if he should move on from her, was too much. This boomerang situation with her he couldn’t handle for too long.

Sometimes he felt like he had moved on from her. These were usually the times he had spent with the other men and women in the three years since she had left, and he felt perhaps he could find someone else for himself. But nothing ever stuck, nothing ever felt as permanent as Mai. When those people were gone, he wasn’t thinking about them, he was thinking about Mai.

For weeks he would manage to not think about her then he would receive a package or a letter from her, or the sheer mention of her from Ty Lee or Michi would make his heart ache in that old familiar pain that he had grown to love.

Of course, he knew from the very moment he had heard her in the bakery that he was going to be absolutely ruined emotionally if he met her and he was more than willing to fall down that rabbit hole all over again.

‘Why is your hair singed?’ she asked, running her hand over a spot on his arm where the hair had been comically burned off leaving a bald spot.

‘Druk,’ he replied. 

‘Druk?’ she asked.

‘Oh!’ Zuko said, ‘Yeah, I never told you I finally named my dragon – Druk!’

‘OH RIGHT!’ Mai responded excitedly as they began strolling down the street again, Zuko’s medical emergency tended to. ‘When I first read that you found a Dragon! A DRAGON! I couldn’t believe it. I think I just stared through the letter for five minutes straight.’

‘He’s beautiful,’ Zuko smiled nodding. ‘I just… I never imagined you know?’

‘I know,’ Mai said softly. Then in a more excited tone, she added, ‘I want to meet him.’

‘He’s a moody little bastard,’ Zuko sighed affectionately, patting the place on his arm where Druk had blown a waft of fire too close to him while he had tried to feed him. ‘You two would get along so well,’

She punched him sideways, ‘You owe me a dragon ride for that disrespect.’ 

‘Done! As soon as he’s able to though,’ Zuko replied, ‘he’s like this big right now.’ He spread out his arms in front of him to indicate the baby dragon’s size. No wider than his chest.

‘Adorable,’ Mai drawled sweetly and Zuko was reminded how much he missed her affectionate drawls. Only Mai could drawl sweetly, the same way only Mai could drone her excitement or the way she could roll her eyes lovingly. 

If one was lucky, like Zuko used to be, one could experience the full range of Mai’s beautiful oxymoron-ity. 

‘I’m so happy for you,’ she said quietly. ‘I know it hasn’t been the easiest being Fire Lord, and I know that having a dragon will add a lot of credibility to your name. So, I’m glad you’ve found one.’

‘Yeah, but at the time when I had no one and nothing, I had Uncle Iroh and you,’ Zuko replied, kicking a stone on road. ‘But also, really only you because Uncle Iroh was here.’

‘Yes, I know I was the anchor in your life. The lifesaving raft that drew you across the ocean of challenges and the rock that grounded you in the storm,’ Mai replied sardonically with a sense of self-importance. ‘I am well aware that I deserve a complete dedicated chapter or more in your personal memoir.’

‘Good,’ Zuko replied with a smile.

While he was distracted in their conversation, Mai had led him into the alley that was behind the Academy. She hoisted herself onto a barrel as Zuko noticed her extremely white and icy-looking knuckles. He reached for her hand, ‘Aren’t you cold?’

She wished she was. She wished she was freezing; she wished her hands would hurt from the cold. She wished she could feel the freezing tip of her nose or the painful numbing of one’s fingers in the chilly air. She wanted to feel cold again. She wanted to freeze and shiver.

‘Kind of, yeah,’ she lied.

Zuko blew on her hand and while she could assume that he had blown warming air on her hand, she could actually see the effect as the colour in her skin returned almost immediately.

‘That’s new,’ she said a little in awe. Zuko had always had difficulty maintaining a steady heated breath.

‘Yeah,’ Zuko responded letting her hand go. ‘I picked it up while trying to breathe fire. No fire, but at least I can perch in the corner of a room and heat it up real toasty on a cold night,’ he sulked.

Mai scoffed at the mental image of Zuko squatting in the corner of the room blowing out heated air.

‘I can see this is a source of frustration for you Prince Zuko,’ Mai imitated Iroh. ‘But remember, perseverance is a virtue that –

‘Save that for Uncle Iroh will you?’ Zuko retorted in annoyance.

‘Hey,’

A young voice interrupted them. Zuko turned and was met with the striking image of a boy, a red scarf around his neck and a bright look in his eye.

‘Hey, Riku,’ Mai responded. The boy took slow, drawn-out steps towards the pair of them, looking Zuko straight in the eye for a second before switching his attention to Mai.

Something about the kid, his gait, his mannerisms, all in the backdrop of Ba Sing Se, brought up a whirlwind of memories for Zuko of another boy he knew once. A boy who had a commanding presence; whose charisma and leadership Zuko had looked up to even.

Whenever, though rarely, Zuko was reminded of him, he wished Jet peace.

‘Mom says she’s made breakfast in case you want to come get it,’ the kid informed Mai. Zuko could tell the boy was only just reaching the age where his voice would crack and turn into the big, manly voice that he was trying to replicate at the moment. His walk was also too mature for his age. He looked like a young boy trying his best to impersonate a fully-grown adult. The way all young boys are at some point in their boy-hood. This was all so painfully relatable to Zuko.

‘How come I haven’t seen you at the academy lately, huh?’ Mai asked raising her eyebrow at the kid who had taken to leaning on the wall.

‘I’ve been busy,’ he responded dismissively, tossing a coin between his fingers.

‘Oh okay, mister-big-guy-sir,’ Mai rolled her eyes. Then in her stern teacher voice that Zuko was beginning to recognise she added, ‘Show up in the afternoon. We need to discuss your scores.’

‘I already know my spelling is bad,’ the boy retorted.

‘Show up,’ Mai’s tone reflected a finality.

‘Why don’t you start paying me more for my precious services and then you can boss me around?’ the boy challenged. Mai and Riku looked at each other, both egging each other on with narrowed eyes. Zuko could tell already that constant banter was the foundation of affection in this relationship.

‘What’s your position then?’ Mai questioned mockingly, ‘Official rebel? Absentee-in-Charge?’

‘Academy Manager,’ the boy responded without missing a beat.

‘Love to see the confidence kid,’ Mai scoffed. ‘Now scram,’ she released a tiny knife on the floor beside Riku’s feet.

The boy smiled coyly, feeling triumphant at having ‘dodged’ her knife. On his way out, he turned around and said, ‘Take my advice.’ And giving Zuko one last deliberate look from head to toe, turned to Mai again, ‘Focus on your _job_.’ 

Mai seemed a tiny bit flustered at the boy’s insinuation. She fumbled, ‘Focus on your …uh, _life._ ’

They waited as Riku’s retreating back rounded the corner and left them alone in the alley again.

‘Wow,’ Zuko finally spoke. ‘It’s like looking at you, but kid version.’

‘I can’t even deny it,’ Mai smiled at her feet as she swung them, ‘I see myself in him all the time.’

Zuko hauled himself up to sit beside her on the barrel.

‘I told you right? Riku helps me run the academy,’ Mai was looking down at her swinging legs. ‘He’s turning fifteen soon but when he was about nine his father passed away. Didn’t leave much, only debt for him and his mother. His father’s bad drinking and addiction affected their entire family. They didn’t have money to send him to school and Riku had to take up odd jobs to support his mother. She works all day too.’ Mai paused, taking a breath in, finding herself a little overwhelmed recounting these events. ‘He’s been through a lot, that kid. And he’s always looking out for the younger ones. I can see he really doesn’t want any of them to go through what he’s been through. And it doesn’t seem like it, but he’s a very hopeful kid. More so than me.’

‘Sound like all of this means a lot to you,’ Zuko replied.

She shook her head, smiling at her legs, ‘It was just supposed to be something to do. I don’t even know when I got so attached.’

And when it turned into her motivation to live.

‘But the good news is,’ she continued a little cheerily. ‘In the last three years, we’ve managed to bring Riku up to speed on his education. He makes sure the Academy always has all the supplies we need and that all our bills are paid. He won’t say it but I pay him well and he and his mother are much better off now. I’m proud of that kid and I just know if he pays a little attention to his studies, he will ace the entrance exams.’

‘I’m so proud of you,’ Zuko said. ‘It’s amazing to see you so passionate about something, Mai. I know you don’t want to take credit because you did it for yourself but there’s not a lot of people that can say they’ve really made a difference in people’s lives.’

‘You can,’ she shrugged. 

‘For me, it’s a job. I _have_ to do it. It’s the bare minimum I have to do. And I have so much help to do it and I live in luxury and security,’ he reasoned. ‘But you’ve changed so much to adjust to everything and I still can’t believe you’ve done all this.’ 

‘I guess just a lot of things fell into perspective after dad went to prison, and everything else…’ she trailed off not wanting to enumerate the happenings of her life that had changed the entire course of it.

Thinking you only had a few months to live tended to a number on even the most apathetic person. For Mai, it flipped her whole world around. She found herself questioning that if she was to die tomorrow, had she ever done anything to feel proud of? She had no qualms in accepting to herself that this whole thing was not born out of altruistic passion but her own selfish need to feel like she had done something worthwhile in the short time she was left with on the planet.

She couldn’t accept death gracefully. Couldn’t part with her loved ones knowingly and so she had departed and tried to set up a temporary life before she had to say goodbye and somehow it had extended into a permanent set-up. 

And now that she knew her life could be extended (seemingly indefinitely) with the help of some potion, the project had become even more important. Every moment felt like it was borrowed, every moment she needed to be better, do better.

She didn’t realise she had spiralled into her thoughts until she felt the pressure of Zuko’s hand squeezing her palm laying idle on her thigh. ‘Mai –

‘Fire Lord Zuko,’

The two of them jumped in haste off the barrel, flustered as if they were teenagers that had been caught getting cosy with one another. They looked up to find two soldiers standing in the alleyway in plainclothes. 

‘What is it?’ Zuko demanded, his voice burly and rough, completely devoid of the tenderness it had only a few seconds ago when he had gently called out her name.

‘We noticed some suspicious activity around Lady Mai’s house,’ one guard spoke. 

Her face shot up, ‘Excuse me? _My_ house?’

‘What do you mean?’ Zuko inquired.

Mai’s voice reached a heightened pitch as she whipped her head to the side, questioning Zuko, ‘Why do you have people keeping tabs on my place?’

The guard responded to Zuko who continued to look straight at them, ‘A man about your height, with dark hair, looked like a worker and was wearing a white vest went into Mai’s home carrying some boxes. On his way out he asked some kids if a man with a scar had been around.’

‘That’s Shin!’ Mai stomped her foot angrily on the floor. Firmly she shoved Zuko with her hand on his arm frustrated that he had ignored her, ‘Ask your men to stop keeping tabs on my academy!’

He turned to look at her, raising both hands defensively, ‘Just calm down.’

‘Tell them right now,’ she fumed. 

Zuko sighed, turning to his guard, ‘Please don’t keep tabs on her property in my absence. You may leave now; the man isn’t a threat.’

Mai folded her arms and turned away as the men bowed and left.

Zuko breathed out slowly as he reached his hand for her shoulder, which she promptly slapped away.

‘I swear I didn’t ask them to do that. As per protocol, they keep tabs on premises where I’m stationed,’ he explained. 

‘Well, if you knew, you should have told them to fuck off,’ she responded angrily. ‘There’re young children in that area and I don’t want your soldiers spying on that place without my permission.’

‘I’m sorry Mai but you offered to help me with something potentially dangerous so I had to look out for you. You never know –

‘I don’t need your protection, Zuko,’ Mai responded bitterly, turning her head to the side.

‘I, of all people, know that, Mai –

She swung around in anger. ‘Then why do you always feel the need to have an upper hand in information and security and protection when it comes to us? For three years I’ve been here all by myself and I know this place far better than you or- or your stupid guards do. I can help myself even if something untowardly happens but no, you need to chime in with your _‘I was just protecting you’_ nonsense.’ She raised an accusatory finger at him, ‘Even back then this is why I –

She stopped herself mid-sentence as Zuko’s eyes widened a little. She shut her eyes and dropped her balled fists to her side.

‘This is why you what?’ Zuko whispered quietly.

She turned away from him.

‘Finish that sentence, Mai.’

‘What’s the point?’ she shook her head quietly. Breathing mindfully, she cooled herself down and turned back to look at him. Zuko’s eyes were still gaping at her.

‘Look, I don’t want to fight, Zuko,’ She said. ‘I’m sorry I blew my top off, I understand they were just doing their duty and I’m glad you asked them to back off anyway. I just don’t enjoy being spied on or reported about.’

‘I understand, I’m sorry,’ he replied hastily before wanting to jump back into what Mai had been about to say, ‘but I ne–

Mai cut him off, deciding that the matter was shut, ‘Let’s head to the Jasmine Dragon and figure out our path ahead.’

Zuko held his tongue but was left feeling extremely uneasy and unsatisfied as they walked out of the alley.


	6. Chapter 6

‘I could tell! From the moment I sipped my exceptionally well-brewed tea this morning, I could tell this was going to be a wonderful, wonderful day!’ Iroh rushed out of the heavy oak doors of the Jasmine Dragon to greet Mai and Zuko before they had even entered the shop. He tottered down the steps towards Zuko and didn’t stop before his stubby hands were wrapped tightly around him. ‘I am _so_ happy to see you nephew.’

‘I’m so happy too, Uncle,’ Zuko hugged the man back. Iroh looked up, holding his nephew by the shoulders who was now the tallest he had ever been. He was a man now, towering above Iroh, his hair having grown down to his neck, and his eyes finally reflecting a learned quality instead of the impulsive fire of a teenager. But to Iroh, Zuko would always just be a little boy.

‘Ah, you look so dashing and handsome, Zuko,’ Iroh said, wondering if he would tear up right away. Zuko smiled, his cheeks turning slightly red the same way they did when he was a young boy. As a child he had not been used to hearing compliments of such nature, and Iroh had always made it a point to speak highly of his looks and his personality. Absolutely none of that had changed now.

Iroh turned to look at Mai who stood a step or two away from the reuniting party. ‘And of course, the ever-cunning Mai has brought you to me because she knew if she came alone, she would receive a telling-off for never visiting.’

‘You’re welcome for the lovely surprise, Iroh,’ Mai shrugged following the man as he led them into the establishment. Iroh pulled Zuko along by the hand into the Jasmine Dragon.

He quickly yelled out orders for tea and cakes and fruit plates to the servers.

Mai watched, lagging behind a little as Iroh fussed over Zuko’s favourite tea and snacks and Zuko pointed out all the changes in the Jasmine Dragon since he had visited last. 

Iroh took them to the table at the end of the establishment, which was usually reserved for Iroh and his guests. It was the best spot in the whole place, and you could see everything that went on from there. Today morning, business seemed to be slow-moving with only about two or three guests dotting the eaterie.

Mai made herself comfortable on the inside edge of the table while Iroh sat down beside her facing Zuko.

The server brought their food— honey cakes for Iroh and Zuko, cold orange jelly for Mai and Jasmine tea, of course. Mai reached for her spoon, but Iroh placed a hand between her and her jelly.

‘Explanation first,’ he demanded.

She sighed. ‘I’m sorry Iroh, I just get caught up…’ she winced apologetically.

Iroh lifted his hand, letting her dig into the dessert without a stricter line of questioning. ‘At the rate with which you have been visiting me, you can forget about inheriting the Jasmine Dragon.’

Zuko’s eyes narrowed, ‘Why would Mai inherit the Jasmine Dragon?!’

‘She wouldn’t from the looks of it,’ Iroh huffed. ‘At present Toph has a much higher chance of inheriting it since at least she comes by to check in on this old man.’

‘Toph?!’ Zuko baulked. ‘Why is Toph in the running either?’

‘Well,’ Iroh shrugged. ‘You, my dear nephew, are running a country, and Azula is on the run. The only possible candidates who might want to get their hand dirty running a teashop in Ba Sing Se are Mai or Toph. I mean, I would personally love to hand it over to Aang, but I suspect he would be too busy.’

‘It’s not fair,’ Mai spoke with a mouthful. ‘She lives closer.’

‘But don’t worry,’ Iroh said squeezing Zuko’s hand while he continued to glare in annoyance at the revelation that he apparently was not in the running to inherit his uncle’s teashop. ‘There is an iron-clad clause in my will that should you produce an heir before I pass onto the world beyond, my grandniece or nephew shall inherit the Jasmine Dragon.’

‘Uhh…thanks?’ Zuko mumbled. ‘How’s Toph? I was hoping I could meet her too.’

‘Ah, she’s so busy too,’ Iroh replied. ‘You children living such hectic lives at a time when you should be enjoying and exploring,’ he tutted.

‘Toph has her Metalbending academy, but I think she’s also started assisting city administration with some stuff?’ Mai asked. It had been a while since she had caught up with Toph either. Letters were also not an option.

‘Yes, she’s a prodigy with her metalbending abilities, and I think they’re letting her help and train some officers too,’ Iroh beamed proudly.

‘That’s incredible,’ Zuko smiled. ‘I feel like I need to be more in touch with everyone, but it’s so much easier said than done.’

Mai leaned back in her chair, sipping on her tea while Zuko told Iroh about all the happenings back home and Iroh continued to fuss over his precious nephew.

Iroh missed Zuko a lot. Understandably so, but when Mai had first moved to Ba Sing Se, it had been hard for her to keep visiting Iroh because all he spoke about was Zuko. Thankfully, the man had sensed her discomfort without her ever having to say a word and reduced the frequency at which he brought up the subject of her broken heart.

‘But tell me how come you’re here. Why didn’t you say you were coming?’ Iroh pressed.

Zuko paused, swirling the tea around in the small white goblet before responding, ‘It’s not good news.’

‘I gathered as much given how secretive you are being,’ Iroh confessed. ‘No announcement, no guards, wearing plainclothes. How serious is it?’

Zuko sighed, starting from the moment he had heard about increased smuggling into the Fire Nation, the reports that soldiers were using drugs, the failed negotiations with the Earth King and the final moment that led him to taking the whole operation head-on. Mai chimed in bringing Iroh up to speed on their morning expedition.

‘Oh my,’ Iroh stroked his beard. ‘From what I keep hearing around and from what Mai and Toph have told me, I knew it was bad in Ba Sing Se but it spreading to the Fire Nation? That’s terrible stuff, Zuko. You have to do something. Our troops are important.’

‘I know Uncle,’ Zuko nodded solemnly. ‘It’s why I’m here myself.’

Iroh’s eyes twinkled with pride. ‘Well, did you find anything worthwhile at the docks?’

‘Not as much as I was hoping we could, but we caught some talk. Some names…’ Mai trailed off turning to Zuko.

Zuko nodded. He remembered the name. ‘Taiko. A guard mentioned the name. You know who that is?’ he asked Mai.

‘Is this that same thug that harasses people in your locality?’ Iroh asked, turning to Mai.

‘Uh-huh,’ Mai confirmed. She leaned into the table, and so did Zuko.

‘So, you might have heard about Xu Fong, the corrupt businessman and a member of Earth King Kuei’s court. Owns half of Ba Sing Se.’

‘I have, yes.’ Zuko had spoken to the man a few times at diplomatic gatherings, a profit-seeking man through and through.

‘All the smuggling, all the rackets, all the illegal land grabbing happens through him. He owns everything. He owns like half the docks and most of the ships. And no one can do anything against him cause he’s just got that much money. He’s got his henchmen working around town, handling his business for him in their designated areas,’ Mai toyed with the last bits of jelly on her plate. ‘Taiko works things in Lower Rung East, where the Academy is. He’s a big-time thug.’

‘What does this guy do?’

‘All the illegal business that takes place in the docks in Lower Rung East are his responsibility. The leather trade, spices, forged papers for stealing local land. You know, the works. He employs a lot of people desperate for money. They work under him, and so they can’t say a word against him. He also does routines checks in our localities and demands that we pay him ‘tax’ just so he won’t rat out the people that have built their homes on lands that technically belong to the government,’ Mai replied.

Zuko sighed. He didn’t expect they would be up against something so big and organised. 

‘It's like a trade-off, as long as we keep our heads down and don’t complain about his atrocities and pay up cash, he’s gonna make sure the police don’t get the people.’

Still quiet, Zuko leaned back in his chair. He knew what was happening. These kinds of local goons and overlords were common in the Earth Kingdom. Ever since the abolishment of the Dai Li and the laissez-faire leadership of the Earth King, these kinds of local powers that exploited the helpless were becoming common in Ba Sing Se.

There were ways to deal with this, but it was going to get political.

‘What do you suggest we should do?’ Zuko asked.

Finally, Iroh spoke, ‘It seems like snooping around might not do enough in the short time you have. Use informers.’

Mai nodded in agreement, ‘We need to talk to Shin.’

‘Shin?’ Zuko asked. _Why would the Healer’s helper know what to do?_

‘He’s lived in the Lower Rung his whole life. He knows a lot of people. I’m sure he’ll know what we can do or who we can talk to,’ Mai replied.

‘You trust him?’ Zuko countered.

‘I do,’ she assured.

 _Why?_ He wanted to ask, but didn’t. Nodding down at his empty plate.

‘Shin reminds me, how’s Gian?’ Iroh asked, smiling as he turned to Mai.

‘He’s good,’ she replied quickly, then before Iroh could continue, she thrust her empty plate at Zuko. ‘Hey, do you mind getting me another jelly from the display shelf?’

Zuko cocked his head at her in amusement, ‘Don't remember you being a jelly lover.’

‘Or a fruit tart will do,’ she shrugged.

He looked over at the display, ‘Hmm. Fancying myself another honey cake as well.’

He got up, carrying their plates to explore the fresh selections of the day.

‘He doesn’t know,’ Iroh said as soon as Zuko was out of earshot.

‘No,’ Mai replied curtly. 

‘I can see it, you know,’ Iroh smiled in self-satisfaction.

‘What can you see, Iroh?’ Mai demanded, crossing her hands over her chest.

‘How much you both still like each other,’ he replied.

She stayed quiet. Arms still crossed across her chest, eyes following Zuko’s messy head of hair as he perused the glass display. 

‘No immediate denial?’ Iroh continued in a tone of bemusement. ‘I must be closer to the truth than what I imagined!’ he beamed at Mai.

‘It’s not like that,’ she replied for the sake of saying something. She didn’t know what it was like. 

‘Just remember that there are many objects and events, and people in the world that will feel like they are punishing you. So, there is no point in punishing yourself,’ Iroh’s wise words reverberated softly.

Mai tried to lighten the issue, ‘Not sure how objectively I can take your advice on this matter. You just want your nephew married and producing heirs before you are called from the beyond.’ She pointed a finger at the man, ‘You have vested interests.’

Iroh laughed. ‘While you are not wrong, I would never suggest anything I believe is less than perfect for my nephew. And don’t pretend like you don’t have vested interest snooping around with my nephew.’

_‘I-_

Mai stopped in the middle of her defence as Zuko walked back to the table.

She rescinded into eating her strawberry tart in silence while Zuko and Iroh jumped from topic to topic trying to cover up for the eight months they hadn’t seen each other in.

‘Uncle I’ve been trying something with my Firebending…’ Zuko spoke, hesitating a little.

Iroh’s face lit up with a hopeful grin.

‘Just _trying_ ,’ Zuko clarified. ‘To execute being able to breathe fire.’

‘And?’ Iroh asked excitedly.

‘…. that’s it,’ Zuko pursed his lips, diverting his gaze down to his plate.

‘Well, no one said it was easy,’ Iroh supplied.

‘No one said it was this hard!’ Zuko groaned in frustration. ‘I mean, I-I know its a big thing and all, but Azula could do it at fourteen already! And okay, alright, I get it, she’s a prodigy. But I’ve been trying for a year, and all I can do is –

He breathed out a waft of air onto the honey cake in front of him, and the cream on the pastry melted immediately.

‘That’s not bad!’ Iroh replied. ‘Most Firebenders would just end up burning it, that’s good control Zuko.’

He rolled his eyes, ‘Don’t patronise the Fire Lord, Uncle.’

‘I’m patronising my impatient nephew,’ Iroh smiled knowingly. ‘Zuko, I have no doubts you can do it. Truly. And it took _me_ years too!’

‘It took me more than a year to learn to throw with my pinky finger,’ Mai shrugged, hoping to add support.

‘It did not take you that long,’ Zuko scowled.

‘It di-

‘I was there,’ Zuko reminded, cutting her off. ‘Took like six months.’ And with that, he buried his face in his hands.

Mai bit her tongue because she had completely forgotten that Zuko was there when she had begun training herself. Iroh tutted at her white lie, and she shrugged mouthing ‘I was trying to help.’

‘I need lessons, Uncle,’ Zuko said.

‘I am always here; it is you who is the busiest man in the world,’ Iroh replied.

‘Great!’ he lifted his head beaming. ‘Lessons before I leave then. I _really_ feel like I’m almost there. I will send you a letter before the day I leave, and I want you to invite Toph to come over too.’

* * *

He hadn’t realised how long they had spent in the Jasmine Dragon until they stepped foot out and the light had gone from fresh morning brightness to a late afternoon glint.

The weather was also much hotter and mustier now.

They walked in silence, strolling across the borders of Middle Rung and into the Lower Rung.

‘How come Uncle Iroh knows Gian too?’ Zuko asked casually. A squirrelcrow cawed in the distance.

‘I don’t know. The way all knowledgeable old people know each other?’ Mai shrugged. ‘They discuss herbs and recipes and old people stuff.’

Zuko guessed that was fair. Till today it was a mystery to him how Uncle Iroh knew all the people he knew.

They had strolled into the street leading up to Mai’s home and Academy. Just as they rounded the corner towards the Academy, Zuko noticed that something seemed to be up. People were gathered outside their homes and shops.

Mai jumped into action at the sight, and quickly pushed Zuko under the half-shut grates of the Academy. ‘Stay here. Don’t come out. Don’t bend.’

With those instructions, she left a bewildered Zuko inside the Academy and slipped beyond the grate. Assuming a position on the steps of the Academy.

Zuko stood behind the wall of the Academy, listening to what was happening outside.

‘So, none of you will talk now, is it?’ A harsh voice rose above the quiet. ‘You think one of you lowlife degenerates will sneak into my docks and we won’t hunt you down?’

Mai stood her ground, stone-faced as she looked over the crowd at Taiko and his men.

‘How long will you people protect each other against me?’ the man barked, and a little girl slapped her ears shut in fear. The tension in the crowd was palpable, no one dared to breathe too loudly.

The thug reached behind him and pulled out Zuko’s machete raising it above his head, ‘We’ll find whoever it is, and make them an example of why you shouldn’t cross Taiko.’

Taiko and his men slowly made their way through the crowd, intimidating folks by simply their glare. He held the knife in the air, flinging it around to see if it would get a reaction from anyone. The silence was filled with dread. One wrong response, one wrong step, and the thug might decide it was time he was paid his taxes again.

Zuko heard the crunching of footsteps that were nearing the Academy. He peeped through the space between the grates and squinted his eyes at a short, burly man who was followed by much bigger men behind him. They paused in front of the Academy, looking up at Mai.

‘It wasn’t you, was it Sifu?’ the short man mocked.

‘Why would I bother?’ she cocked her head. ‘What do you think interests me in those docks of yours?’

‘That is precisely for you to tell us,’ the man smiled a dreadfully evil smile, his crooked teeth displaying years of tobacco usage between his reddened lips. ‘You seem very excited about fighting the good fight.’

‘All I do is run a school, Taiko, and if that’s getting you so nervous, I must be doing something right,’ Mai drawled.

From the corner of her eye, she noticed Shin in the crowd behind Taiko. At her inciteful words, Shin had taken a defensive stepped forward, raising his hands in a warning motion at her.

Taiko hissed, and the moment was suspended. She felt her body tense up. But then the man laughed. He cackled at her words in a way that reminded Zuko of floorboards creaking. Mai held her breath, hoping that in her haste to bite back, she hadn't bitten off more than she could chew.

‘I’ve got my eye on you miss. I’m waiting for the day you finally slip up.’

Taiko bagged Zuko’s machete and walked away with his men, and there was a collective sigh of relief that rose from the crowd.

Shin shook his head at Mai, who realised how close her tongue had gotten to drawing undue attention towards herself and Zuko.


	7. Chapter 7

Zuko ducked out from under the grate, exiting his hiding spot in the Academy as soon as he was sure the men were gone. But he found that she had abandoned the steps and was already half-way over to Shin who was wading through the crowd towards her.

Zuko stood grounded on the steps, looking around and surveying the situation as if he hadn’t emerged just to check on Mai after that incensed encounter with a local goon. He folded his hands over his chest, casually looking over at the people slowly dispersing and returning to their daily lives. His eyes landed on the old man and his dog sitting on the footpath.

The man was laughing. Looking directly at Zuko and yelling in laughter while he slapped his hands onto his knee in glee. Perhaps his miserable situation was clear on his face, he thought bitterly, or perhaps the man was simply deranged. Zuko’s face soured as he forced himself to draw his attention away from the man, and away from Mai. 

‘Why do you say such things? Why do you say _anything_ , in fact?’ Shin raised his hands in disappointment, chiding Mai the moment they were within hearing range of one another.

‘I know, I messed up,’ Mai stepped around a little boy and walked up to Shin. ‘Ugh! I need to be more careful. Taiko could’ve taken out his anger on anybody else, or even the kids –

‘It's not just about us or the kids, it’s about you too,’ Shin's thick eyebrows were drawn together in concern. The man had developed permanent lines between his brows from his job as a Healer and Mai was never helping his case. ‘Taiko knows you’re a foreigner without family here, he-he could come directly for you. Don’t underestimate him.’

‘I know, I’ll be more careful.' Mai's voice was plain, but she could taste the guilt in her words.

Mai looked up, expecting Shin's disappointed gaze glowering at her, but found that he was focused on something behind her in the distance. She turned to match his gaze and saw Zuko standing on the Academy steps with his hands in tightly folded, looking over the crowd. 

‘Your friend is still here,’ he observed, not knowing how to ask Mai who he was and what his business was here. It was _technically_ none of his business. 

‘Yeah,’ she replied. Then all too quickly for Shin’s liking, changed the subject. ‘Shin, can you meet me at the Spice Bowl tonight?’

‘Uh,’ he replied, not expecting an offer for dinner now of all times. He tore his eyes away from the man with the unusual scar, and turned his attention to Mai, ‘Sure?’

‘Great,’ she said. ‘I’ll see you then.’

Before he could ask any more questions, she had zoomed off.

* * *

‘That was Taiko, I’m guessing,’ Zuko said as soon as Mai entered through the grates. He had receded inside the Academy and was leaning against the wall while he waited for her. Somehow, he had wagered it might be better for his ego to be found by her appearing ‘unbothered’.

‘Yeah,’ she sighed. ‘Man walked right up to us too.’

She was yet to fully recover from the sharp drop her stomach had taken when Taiko had raised Zuko’s knife in the air.

‘Your knife,’ Her voice dropped to a whisper. ‘It didn't have any markings, carvings, or anything like that, did it?’

Zuko nodded in the negative, easing her anxiety. She sighed as he lifted himself off the wall and they began to stroll away from it and towards the center of the hall.

‘Seems like he has a gripe with you,’ Zuko tried to pull back the sections of his hair that had come undone into the bun that sat on his nape. The children were running about the Academy, having gotten over the events of the day much faster than the adults. Some of the children that he had met earlier even waved at him.

‘He does,’ Mai admitted. ‘All the land in this part of the Lower Rung ‘belongs’ to Xu Fong, and is managed by Taiko. He expects everyone to pay him bribes to be able to build on it. I didn’t give it to that. I went through a long, legal fight to get this land in my name and he tried his best to stop the building of the Academy. I, obviously, won though. But,’ she paused waving at some children who were showing off their stances to her, ‘that’s not the only reason.’

Zuko looked sideways and noticed that her face was lined in distress.

‘The Academy keeps children off the streets. No more unpaid child labour for Taiko’s illegal business,’ Mai pointed out. ‘The parents are no longer desperate for his pay just so they may send their children to school either. He wants me out of here, but it irks him that his hands are tied.’

‘Mai, this seems like it's going to be a lot more problem for you than it is for me,’ Zuko replied gravely. ‘I don’t think you should involve yourself anymore.’

‘No, it’s fine. I wanna help,’ she quickly turned to look at him, and their idle hands brushed. ‘I _do_ need to be a lot more careful though. As much as I would like to walk up to the man and punch him in the face, I need to remember that I’m a foreigner here and always will be. If things ever got too bad, I always have the option to run away but if my actions result in Taiko raining down on the locals, they have nowhere to go.’

‘You’re right,’ Zuko nodded. ‘I learned the hard way what it means to be an outsider. Fire Nation presence was seen hostile in a lot of the colonies and people didn’t like that we, the foreigners, were intervening in their local affairs no matter how strongly I felt like we were doing the right thing.’

Mai nodded fervently; she knew how sensitive the Fire Nation colony situation had always been. Zuko, though, had surpassed all expectations and managed every single part of the process of decolonisation without a single violent eruption and that was saying a lot for a Nation that had been at war with all the others for a hundred years.

‘You know I’m starting to find more and more reasons why you would make an excellent addition to my cabinet of ministers,’ Zuko said, smiling.

‘You handled the whole thing very well yourself,’ Mai responded, granting him a smile in return. ‘I know it’s hard to undo hundred years’ worth of colonisation but people are starting to see your efforts.’

‘I can only hope,’ he replied, wishing their hands would brush again.

‘Get some rest,’ she said, taking a step away. ‘We’ll be meeting Shin tonight.’

* * *

Zuko had a short meeting with General Mak after he left the Academy, catching up on essential headlines from the Capital and any recent developments in the ten other things he should’ve been handling right now. There really hadn’t been too much time for rest after he was done writing seven different letters to world leaders and signing at least fifteen documents. He also managed to hold back information from General Mak on their scouting going awry, knowing that if Mak found out Zuko would not be able to continue this operation without supervision.

Before he knew it, the sun had set completely and it was time for him to be making his way towards the place Mai had earlier directed him towards – some local restaurant named Spice Bowl. He quickly changed into some more plainclothes that General Mak had brought for him and headed out of the tiny apartment complex that Mai had lent him.

They would be meeting Shin he was told.

All the while as he took relaxed steps through the streets matching the laid-back pace that was signature to the Lower Rung, his mind was racing in sync with the rest of Ba Sing Se that bustled at the speed of light, wondering if he should sit beside Mai, or in front of her.

Sitting beside her seemed like the obvious answer. But that way most of Mai’s attention would be on Shin who would be in front of her. Zuko also wouldn’t be able to gauge Mai’s expressions, something he knew he had special expertise in and would feel better having that upper hand.

Not that there was any reason to feel under-confident. He turned his head to the side as he crossed the road. None at all. It wasn’t like he was threatened by Shin or anything. Worst case scenario – they liked each other or were already having a _thing_. Which was okay with him. He just preferred to know these things, it saved him the anxiety-fuelled overthinking. 

Like right now.

Not to mention, Mai being with someone was actually a _good_ thing. It would be the final push he needed to make permanent moves towards romance in his life. To move on, and settle down with someone who would be both a good candidate as his life partner and as a ruler of the Fire Nation alongside him.

These were big shoes to fill. Even if Mai had tiny feet.

 _Beside Mai._ He was going to sit beside her because he imagined if he saw so much as Shin’s shoulder touch Mai’s, he might combust.

 _Or in front?_ Her expressions were so crucial.

He pushed open the door of the establishment with a big, tacky sign that read ‘Spice Bowl’, and some trinkets hanging above the door alerted the host that a customer had stepped in. The place was poorly lit with a strong smell of spices that filled the air.

It was small enough that his eyes immediately landed on Mai who was sitting on a circular table in the center of the small shop. Shin was already there, sitting on a chair across from her.

 _Welp_ , Zuko thought pulling up a chair to the table as he approached them, at least he didn’t have to make any choices about where to sit on a circular table.

He plopped down on the seat, curtly smiling at Mai. ‘Sorry to keep you waiting.’

He didn’t mean that. It was a passive-aggressive jibe. He was on time. He just didn’t know Mai and Shin were going to show up _before_ time.

‘And here I thought we were finally doing that one-on-one dinner you owed me,’ Shin sighed.

The two men hadn’t acknowledged each other yet, and Zuko presumed the moment to do that had passed already.

Mai clicked her tongue, ‘We’re going to do that, I promise.’ She pushed a bowl of dumplings towards Zuko. ‘But this I’m afraid is no ordinary catch-up conversation.’

‘It’s rarely that with you,’ Shin mentioned matter-of-factly.

‘We need your help,’ she continued.

Zuko focused on the dumplings. Far too much salt for his taste.

Shin leaned back in his chair, ‘You and your friend here?’

Mai nodded.

‘Hm,’ Shin replied thoughtfully. ‘With your top-secret plans or whatever?’ he half-mocked.

‘Is it that obvious?’ Zuko inquired, looking up.

Shin retorted, ‘Not to the average person perhaps.’ He pulled the bowl of dumplings towards himself. ‘I’m just used to knowing where Mai is most of the time and ever since you’ve arrived, that’s changed.’

They looked at each other, Zuko's eyes were narrowed at the man. He could tell Shin was clenching his jaw, it reminded Zuko to relax his own.

‘Uhm, Shin,’ Mai said, leaning a little closer and breaking the moment. ‘You’re not wrong. And what I’m about to tell you is very, _very_ sensitive information.’ She lifted her chopsticks, ‘No one. Can. Know.’ Tapping the table with each word to emphasize the point.

‘Okay?’ Shin responded a little unsurely, shifting his gaze between the two. Both Mai and Zuko stared back at him with a strange seriousness.

‘This is Fire Lord Zuko,’ Mai whispered as she pointed at Zuko. Zuko tipped his head at Shin in response.

‘Ummmm,’ Shin squinted his eyes at Mai, then at Zuko. He paused, taking a second to process his response.

‘Umm,’ he said again, for lack of a better response. ‘I can’t say I’m not immediately thinking that your friend with a face scar visited you, and for some reason, you thought it was a good prank to tell people he’s the Fire Lord?’

‘Well, I don’t know what to tell you, Shin. It’s not a prank,’ Mai shrugged leaning away from the table.

Shin looked at Zuko for some kind of confirmation.

Zuko shrugged, ‘Can’t give you much proof except confirming that I _am_ the Fire Lord. I can bend,’ he produced a flame on his hand. ‘Best friends with the Avatar, my father gave me the scar blah blah, this is all public domain information though.’

‘And how do you know Fire Lord Zuko?’ Shin asked turning to Mai, now truly confused.

‘I’m – Mai scratched her head unsure how to have this conversation with Shin, from whom she had hidden her entire life. But unlike most everyone else in the Lower Rung, he was the only person she felt guilty lying to. She wished Zuko wasn’t here for her confession, this seemed a lot more personal between Shin and herself.

Finally, she relented, looking down at Shin’s hands as she admitted, ‘I’m a Fire Nation noble. My father worked for Fire Lord Ozai and he was also the first governor of Omashu during the Hundred Year War. Zuko and I grew up together.’

A few quiet moments passed before Shin spoke up again.

‘Oh wow,’ Shin said, eyes going wide as he sunk back into his chair. 'You're serious.'

Mai didn’t say anything, twiddling her thumbs on the table while Zuko continued to munch on his dumplings quietly.

But he was noticing. Noticing how tensed Mai was after her revelation, noticing that Shin practically knew nothing about Mai pre-Ba Sing Se.

Shin stared up at the ceiling as he leaned as far back into his chair as possible without toppling over. He understood that processing what Mai was telling him was not something he could do in a minute or two. He would need to sleep on it.

He tilted his chin down, bringing himself back as he leaned both elbows on the table and decided to just trudge on into this very bizarre conversation.

‘So, what help could Fire Lord Zuko possibly need from me?’

Mai noticed his face had hardened.

‘ _Red Bloom_ has made its way into the Fire Nation and has cost some of Zuko’s soldiers their lives. He wants to nip the problem in the bud but I think maybe in the process we can do some good in Ba Sing Se too. You know how Taiko controls all the drugs that go out of here? He’s ruining the Lower Rung by getting folks addicted and getting children to slave for him and do his dirty work and in turn some of these kids too –

Shin shook his head, ‘I know. But how can _I_ help?’

‘We need intel,’ Zuko cut in. ‘Someone or something you know of that can lead us to the source of this. Where it’s made, who’s making it, who’s transporting it, anything. The Ba Sing Se authority is being of no help so we need to get our hands dirty.’

‘And no one that’s innocent is going to get hurt?’ Shin asked, cocking his eyebrow a Zuko. 

‘You have my word,’ Zuko nodded wiping his mouth on his sleeve.

Shin nodded slowly. ‘Yeah, it’s just that, we’re small-town people you know. Not sure how much weight the words of nobles carry for us.’ 

His words stung Mai, but she kept on a straight face.

‘Anyway, I do know some people that might be willing to sell information. But I’ll need cash,’ Shin replied. ‘For bribing them,’ he added in clarification.

‘Not a problem,’ Zuko confirmed. ‘It will be arranged.’

‘Great. Glad I can assist in a good cause,’ Shin replied, not sounding very glad. He pushed his chair away from the table and looked at Zuko. ‘I might’ve bowed Fire Lord Zuko, but I don’t think you would appreciate me blowing your cover so this shall suffice.’ He put his hand out for Zuko to shake and Zuko returned the gesture.

‘I’ll see you then,’ Shin said getting up and nodding at Mai.

‘You haven’t even finished dinner,’ she added slowly.

‘This information shall be enough to digest I think,’ he said jokingly, then turned around and exited the restaurant before she could say anything further.

Zuko watched the side of Mai’s face who was staring at his retreating back, her lips still parted from the words that Shin had not given her the opportunity to express.

He reached out. ‘Mai-

‘One second,’ she dismissed Zuko and leaped out of her chair, hastily and following Shin’s trail through the door.

* * *

She sighed in relief finding him right outside the door of the restaurant where he has standing rubbing his hands together from the cold.

‘Are you angry with me?’ she questioned his back abruptly. 

‘No,’ he replied plainly, turning to look at her over his shoulder. ‘Maybe a little bit. I’m a lot more surprised at the moment.’

‘Sorry for hiding this from you, you know I’m not comfortable discussing my background and…everything,’ her voice had gotten softer barely carrying over to him among the bustling noise of the streets.

‘I know,’ Shin said. ‘That’s why I’m not mad. And to be fair, I’m not _that_ surprised.’

‘What do you mean?’ she asked.

He turned toward her, smiling for the first time since Zuko had shown up.

‘When you first moved to the Lower Rung, you couldn’t _boil water,_ Mai.’ He reminded, ‘You walked soaking wet in the rain to the clinic because you hadn’t eaten all day. So it's safe to say I never assumed you were a peasant like us or anything.’

‘And you made me a steaming bowl of your famous Shin noodles,’ she replied, her smile leaking into her voice as she reminisced that awful day. ‘Thank you for that.’

He rolled his eyes, ‘Well yeah, I couldn’t let you starv-

Mai had thrown her arms around his neck and hugged him, drowning out his words.

He stopped mid-sentence, taken aback at the gesture. Mai was famously not into hugs.

He put his arms around her and pulled her into an embrace. ‘A rare emotional Mai appears.’

‘Shut up,’ she rolled her eyes, separating from him. ‘But really. You’re – You’ve seen me at my worst and I really wish I could’ve been more honest with you; I feel like an impostor –

‘Don’t,’ Shin replied firmly. ‘You’re not an impostor. You’ve really made an effort to live among us and like us even though I’m sure you could’ve chosen other alternatives. Besides, you’ve only used your privilege for good and I’m really not smart enough to judge the morality of hiding your privilege so I will leave it at that,’ he smirked.

‘Thanks a lot,’ she repeated. ‘For agreeing to help Zuko too.’

‘Still can’t believe I was casually just hanging out with the Fire Lord,’ He shook his head. ‘I get a weird vibe from that guy, not going to lie.’

‘I promise he’s legit,’ Mai chuckled. ‘He just comes off as boorish and sulky at first,’ she turned to look at the restaurant where Zuko was still waiting inside. 

* * *

Zuko ducked behind the tapestry just as he saw Mai turn. He was certain she hadn’t seen him spying. Thank Agni for his reflexes. He walked back to the table to which he had struggled to stay rooted in his chair for more than ten seconds after Mai had chased after Shin.

This was torture. Not knowing where they stood, not knowing how she felt about Shin and how she felt about Zuko. Not knowing how _he_ felt about this whole thing.

The coins from his pockets jangled as dropped them onto the table in the otherwise quiet store, swiftly accompanied by the jangling of the trinkets above the door as Mai re-entered the shop.

He could’ve sworn he didn’t care about her romantically anymore, but the way their entire doomed relationship had flashed before his eyes when she had embraced another man just now told a different story.

‘Ready to leave?’ she asked.

‘Let’s go,’ he replied, following her back out the door.

* * *

‘So, you’re telling me Ty Lee is actually enjoying being in charge of royal security? I truly thought she would bore herself after a few months and leave,’ Mai said.

Once again, they were walking through the darkened streets of the Lower Rung that were abandoned earlier than any other place Zuko knew of. Perhaps the darkness, quietness, strange noisy-ness should’ve felt eerie, should’ve made them want to walk faster and reach the safety of their homes but instead, they both took their time dragging their feet slowly behind them.

Mai had felt the need to justify their extra-languid pace saying she needed to digest the dumplings from dinner with a long walk, but Zuko didn’t bother making excuses when he really just wanted to spend as much time with her as possible before his inevitable departure.

‘So far she seems to love it and I personally love having her around,’ Zuko shrugged. ‘It’s not often I get time to meet friends outside of work anyway.’

‘Hmm,’ Mai replied. ‘Few months ago, when Ty Lee and I took a weekend vacation to Kyoshi Island, she told she was thinking about quitting and joining a travelling circus again.’

Zuko narrowed his eyes at her. ‘Can’t decide if you’re taking me for a ride, or if I should raise Ty Lee’s pay the second I reach the Capital again.’

‘Maybe I’m just looking out for both my friends,’ Mai shrugged smiling.

‘I see. Two turtleducks with one stone?’ 

‘How are the turtleducks?’ Mai chirped in response.

‘Don’t get to spend as much time by the lake as I would like to,’ Zuko confessed. ‘Remember that pair? One had a stripe down her nose and the other was grey-er than the others?’

‘Yeah?’ Mai asked. She remembered exactly which ones. They would spend hours resting by the turtleduck lake, pointing at the different birds and coming up with elaborate stories on why one was Zuko and why another one was Mai, they would even assign their friends and family to the turtleducks. They rarely agreed, but the one they knew for sure, was that the grey one was Azula. It was the angriest and loved to pick fights with the others.

‘The grey one died,’

‘Oh,’ Mai said. ‘Sorry.’ She resisted any urge to bring up Azula.

Zuko shrugged, kicking a twig that was in his path, ‘And was in the middle of drawing a portrait of it too. Had to abandon it because of work and now it’ll stay unfinished.’

‘You always seem to talk about how you don’t have time to do things for yourself,’ Mai noted. ‘That’s not healthy, Zuko.’

‘I know,’ he nodded. Mai guessed the temperature was dropping by the way his shoulders were hunching closer to his neck. ‘I’m trying to spend more time on myself but it’s not always easy, the list of things to do never ends.’

‘But,’ Zuko continued, as they rounded the corner into the alley beside the academy again, walking up to the empty barrels they had sat on in the morning. ‘I am making a point to give myself at least an hour a day.’

‘Great start,’ Mai did a tiny clap.

‘What about you, though?’ Zuko asked. Mai had hauled herself up on the barrel so Zuko pulled up a barrel such that it was placed in front of her and sat on it. ‘We both have a tendency to lose sight of ourselves.’

Once again, they were in the same little spot they had been in that morning. Zuko hoped they could pick up where they left off before his soldiers had interrupted them.

She nodded smiling into her palm, ‘I’m trying to write a book.’

‘Wow, really?’ his voice rose in excitement. Mai had always been someone who was excellent at expressing herself in written words. She more than made up for her lack of speech in the flair of she writing. Zuko looked forward to her letters not just because they were one of the few things that brought him joy but because among the scores and scores of official documents and boring legislation that he had to read all day, her letters were like the words that filled colours in his otherwise black and white existence.

‘Nothing fancy,’ Mai said. ‘I just feel like I’ve seen a lot since I’ve come here. So many stories for me to find among the people. I want to document them all. So, it’s sort of like a collection of short stories from the Lower Rung. People here love narrating their tales.’

'I hope to read it someday,' Zuko smiled.

‘What about you?’ she asked, looking up from her palm.

‘I told you,’ he swung his legs a little. ‘Trying to practice the dragon’s breath but it's frustratingly difficult.’

‘You’ll get it,’ she assured, and with her foot play-kicked Zuko’s.

He tried to catch her ankle between feet, but she chuckled pulling it away in time.

‘I got all the notebooks you said you needed,’ a loud voice boomed from down the alleyway and it made them both jump a little.

Zuko saw the silhouette of the boy they had met earlier in the day.

Mai rolled her eyes as she recognised Riku.

‘Come here,’ she commanded, and the boy once again with his _‘too busy for you’_ gait, walked over to them.

‘What,’ he asked, folding his hands across his chest as he reached closer to them.

‘Your mom said you’ve not been going back home at night for a few days. What are you doing?’ Mai asked in a serious voice.

‘I’m an important person. I have things to do apart from taking care of the Academy on your behalf,’ Riku informed in his big-boy voice.

‘I can see clear as day what’s happening here,’ Mai narrowed her eyes at him. ‘You’re taking undue advantage of me being busy at the moment. As soon as my friend here goes back, I’ll be on your ass again.’

Riku turned to give Zuko a once-over, ‘Oh he’s going to go back? Was starting to look like he was going to settle here for a bit.’

‘Is that how you treat guests here in the Lower Rung?’ Zuko retorted.

‘We treat everyone the same,’ Riku responded, ‘like infiltrators.’

Zuko desperately wished that Aang and the rest were here so they could all appreciate this mini-Jet he had found.

He smiled, impressed at the young boy’s words. ‘You should become a soldier. Join the forces.’ 

‘I’ll join anything as long as they pay good,’ Riku responded rubbing his fingers together to emulate money.

‘Oh yeah?’ Mai mocked, then reached out and threw her hand around his neck pulling the boy close and tucking him in a headlock under her arm. ‘You like to act all tough kid, but I recall you wanting to help me out with the Academy back when I couldn’t pay you in anything except meals and you did it from the goodness of your heart.

Riku struggled in her iron grasp, ‘I’m a _man_ now. I was a boy then.’ His hard-work at maintaining a tough, calm resolve was crumbling under Mai’s hold and Zuko chuckled at the sight. The scene in front of him wasn’t too far off from something he might’ve experienced with his own sister in the few short years when their relationship wasn’t absolutely destroyed yet.

‘Oh okay, _Your Man-ness_ ,’ Mai was relentless. ‘Then what about yesterday when little Hirang started to cry because he missed his older brother and you took him out to buy crab puffs and helped with his homework.’

‘Yes, I’m a thug like that –

Riku’s words trailed off into laughter as Mai tickled him with her hand on his guts. The unfiltered boyish laughter that erupted from the kid finally drove home the point of how young he really was to Zuko.

Zuko laughed along with them. But he could feel the painful realisation of how quickly boys and girls in some parts of town had to grow up because they didn’t have a choice brewing in his stomach.

Mai released him, completely deadfaced and un-flustered after her attack, an added humiliating blow that Mai’s enemies were always served. Riku straightened himself patting down his ruffled clothes as he tried to catch his breath.

‘Go straight home,’ Mai commanded.

Riku popped his collar at her, ‘I’ll do whatever I want.’ Then added as he cleared his throat, as Mai’s eyes narrowed at him, ‘which at the moment happens to be heading to home.’

‘Good,’ she said.

‘Bye,’ he replied.

Mai watched the kid walk away with a small smile on her lips. Zuko as usual was watching her. 

‘Things like this make it worth it, don’t they?’ he asked.

‘Absolutely,’ she replied. ‘You know when I first decided to start a school I really wondered if I even wanted to be around that many annoying, pip-squeaky children? But I’ve come to realise children are far better company than adults.’

‘Agreed,’ Zuko nodded, ‘A million times over.’

‘Right?!’ she shook her head, ‘No drama. It’s never boring with them. No hidden feelings ostrichhorseshit, if they dislike you, you’re going to find out immediately.’

‘And they’re funny as all hell,’ Zuko added. ‘Kiyi once said she wasn’t ever going to have a baby because she didn’t want the baby in her stomach to eat all her food.’

Mai erupted into laughter and so did Zuko.

‘Remember that time Tom-Tom…’ she sputtered through her laughs, and Zuko nodded because he knew exactly what time she was talking about. Both broke down into even more silent laughs. Mai held her aching stomach as she cackled, thinking about the time Tom-Tom refused to eat any food served to him by anybody for a good few hours worrying Michi, Mai, and in turn Zuko who had come over to pick Mai up. A difficult and relentless line of questioning finally revealed that he had been taught in school about how _possumchicken_ were fed well and given their favourite food so they would fatten up before they were cooked and Tom-Tom had cried saying he didn’t want to be roasted.

Mai and Zuko laughed with tears streaking down their cheeks. Mai reached her hand up to her face assuming the tears clouding her vision might have slipped down her cheek. She swiped her hand over her face, hoping she had wiped the tear off.

She hadn’t done a very good job she realised, because Zuko reached out and wiped her cheek down right after.

‘I miss him,’ Mai replied.

‘He misses you too,’ Zuko responded, while she looked down at her hands once again. The thought of her little brother growing up in a place so far away from her was perhaps the thought that made her the weakest.

‘I’m so proud of you,’ Zuko said. ‘I know it’s hard to leave people you love behind especially when you’re going through such important changes in your life. You want the people you love to be there. I wanted uncle Iroh, mom, you, to be there when I was changing and learning. But sometimes the people we love have to be put aside for a while.’

‘Wish it didn’t have to be like that,’ she said quietly. 

She continued to look down at her swinging feet while Zuko stared at the top of her head. Her dark hair still neatly tied up in her scarf shone a little in the moonlight that streamed through the building that fell in the alleyway.

 _Lights are dim in the Lower Rung,_ he thought, continuing to gaze at her, _but the moon is brightest here._

‘Don’t you miss your old life?’ Zuko asked. Zuko hoped. 

‘My life isn’t defined by places, its defined by the people, and I don’t see why they can’t all co-exist in one dimension. For now, I’m happy here. These kids mean a lot to me,’ finally she looked up at him. ‘But that doesn’t mean ma, Tom-Tom, Ty lee or you mean any less.’

Maybe it was bold. Maybe it was inappropriate and uncalled for. But coming face to face with death had made her a lot bolder. She reached out her hand, and buried it in his palm.

He tightened his grip around her chilled fingers, warming them up. Then, before the moment ended, he let her hand go and brought them up to her face, tilting down her head and planted a kiss at the crown of it. 

The unspoken intimacy of the gesture, the friendly and pure love that shone through it, was enough to threaten tears in Mai’s eyes. Or perhaps these weren’t happy tears, but ones brought on by the realisation that despite being so close to him, she might’ve never known it had she not been able to see the proximity with her eyes.

Once, where a single hug from him could bring her to life, where she knew how every touch of him felt, where she could retrace the feel of his body with her eyes closed, now she could barely even tell apart the touch of a human being from that of a dead object.

Except she was the dead one. 

She blinked rapidly hoping the dim lights meant he couldn’t see her tears. She tucked a stray strand of her hair behind her ear and hopped off the barrel.

Zuko looked on, confused, as she gathered herself, unsure if he had taken a step too far.

But then she smiled warmly at him, ‘I think I’m gonna go. It’s getting late.’

‘I’ll ...stay out here a bit,’ he replied.

As she walked away, he became certain that something significant had taken place just now. He knew she didn’t mind that he had kissed her, so then why had she walked away?

Zuko waited in the dark a little bit, quickly losing interest in the night with Mai’s departure, and decided to head back himself.

Just as he rounded the corner exiting the alley, he was met with Riku, leaning on a brick wall looking up at him impishly.

‘I saw,’ the boy simply said. 

‘What did you see?’ Zuko questioned. 

‘You kissing Mai,’ he replied, cocking his eyebrow at him. 

‘Why were you sneaking?’ Zuko retorted, crossing his arms over his chest. 

The boy ignored him, ‘I know Shin will pay me good money for this information.’ 

‘Oh, is it?’ Zuko asked in mock wonderment. ‘And why would Shin be interested?’

Riku chuckled, ‘You’re definitely not blind, and even a blind man could tell just how lovestruck poor guy Shin is for her.’

The boy put out his palm, ‘I am a man of business. I’m simply giving you the opportunity to make me a better offer to withhold this information.’

Zuko nodded, holding back the urge to smile. ‘Okay. I can respect that.’ He reached into his pockets, ‘How much would Shin pay?’

‘Three copper pieces _at least_ ,’ Riku informed confidently.

‘I see,’ Zuko pondered out loud. Then he pulled out a silver piece, handing it to the boy to his utter shock and delight. ‘Take this and _make sure_ he finds out I kissed her.’

Riku snapped his head up, looking at him with wide eyes before his shock melted into a smile of respect. Zuko smiled back at him before they crossed paths and went their own ways.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope everyone had safe and fun holidays! Sorry, this one was a little late hehe :)


	8. Chapter 8

Mai woke up early in the morning, hoping to drop by the health centre and meet Shin before she had to take her morning class. He had dropped off a note at her house the previous evening, saying he had some information already.

She was a little nervous to see him. She wasn’t sure why; confused at this sudden source of animosity she was feeling. Perhaps it was the fact that she had skipped her latest healing appointment with Gian?

Shin was strict when it came to her health and was always ensuring she was keeping up with her treatment. She, on the other hand, found it quite a lot more convenient to forget she needed treatment and just _live_. Oxymoronic then that it was the treatment she probably needed to stay alive.

As expected, Shin, a man of his habit, was going over the appointments for the day sitting peacefully in the garage while the rest of the Lower Rung was still rolling out of bed. For an Earth-Kingdom man, Shin sure acted like he was raised in an air temple monastery.

‘Why don’t you ask Gian to at least give you a desk?’ Mai strode in, stretching her arms above her head.

‘When I chose to apprentice with him in the Lower Rung and not with some medical professor in Ba Sing Se University, I was aware of the privileges I was giving up,’ he informed, not even looking up from his sheet.

‘A hero,’ Mai drawled. Then placed both her palms on the wooden box on which his sheets were placed, pulling his attention up to her. With a dramatically lowered voice, she asked, ‘I received a top-secret message tied by a string to my groceries – the brinjal specifically – that you, Agent Shin, had some important intel?’

Shin sighed, looking up from his sheet. ‘Yeah. There was a man who used to work for Taiko up until a few months ago. I believe he was using _Red Bloom_ as well. Not sure why but he quit some time ago and is now hiding somewhere near the Golden Gate in East Lower Rung.’

Mai’s eyebrow’s lifted at Shin’s impressive performance at the task, ‘Alright, Shin!’ she said smiling. ‘That’s a great lead!’

He flipped the sheets in his notebook, landing on a page which had another piece of paper tucked in. He lifted it up to Mai, ‘His last known location. Ask for Shi Fen.’ 

‘Thank you. Will do,’ she grabbed the sheet from his hand and turned around to leave.

Immediately, she felt a hand wrap itself around her wrist and swung back to face him. Shin looked unimpressed.

‘You thought we weren’t going to discuss the fact that you missed an appointment?’ he asked carefully.

‘I know, I know,’ Mai tried to diffuse. ‘I’ve been feeling well…I honestly didn’t think I needed it.’

‘Is that really the reason why?’ Shin probed. ‘Not because all of a sudden you’re too busy to be even seen around here?’

Mai sighed. ‘It’s only a couple days.’ Then, turning the sheet of paper between her fingers she added, ‘Besides, you told me Gian wanted to turn down the dosage and wean me off the treatment. It’s going well so far!’

‘Mai,’ Shin spoke slowly, spacing out his words and Mai could tell he was cross with her. ‘We were going to do that and keep you under observation. To _see,’_ he emphasised, as if Mai was a child, ‘how your body would react. I haven’t been able to do a single examination on you from the day we halved the dosage. This is not ideal.’

‘I understand,’ Mai replied. Mocking his tone by drawing out her words slowly. ‘But it’s _my_ body. I can tell when something is wrong. And I will come to you when there is.’

They stared at each other for a second, both unwilling to admit defeat first. A few moments passed in silence before they heard the sound of Kinoh’s footsteps approaching; Shin broke first turning back to his sheets while Mai’s face hosted a small self-satisfactory smile.

‘Just take care of yourself and remember to take your medication,’ he sighed.

‘Take care of that spine and get yourself a real chair,’ Mai retorted.

‘Sitting on the floor with legs crisscrossed is good for your lower back,’ he drawled.

‘This is why you need to ask out,’ Mai paused and jerked her thumb back over her shoulder to motion to Kinoh behind her. ‘Because no other girls find that kind of talk attractive.’

‘Thank you for your input, have a good day,’ Shin replied scathingly.

Mai turned, stuffing the small piece of paper with the address on it into her pockets. ‘Hello, Kinoh.’

‘Hi, Mai,’ Kinoh replied, smiling. ‘All good?’

‘All good,’ Mai nodded and stepped out into the street.

She had not even walked a few steps away from the health centre before she heard Kinoh's urgent voice behind her. ‘Mai!’

She whipped about to see the girl scurry down the street towards her, rubbing her hands in the supposed cold.

‘Hey,’ she said, as Mai cocked her eyebrows as her inquiringly.

‘What’s up?’ Mai asked.

‘Uh,’ Kinoh, looking down at her palm, rubbing them together furiously. ‘This is kind of embarrassing.’

‘What is?’ Mai asked gently, wondering what had the girl so flustered.

‘Your friend,’ Kinoh began hesitantly. ‘Do you know if-if, he would like…be interested in going out on a…like a date…or something? With me.’ She clarified.

‘Oh,’ Mai was completely thrown off by the question.

‘I mean, I mean,’ Kinoh rushed to justify. ‘Like only if he would be interested, it’s…not a big deal. At all.’

‘Oh no, I didn’t mean it like that. Just wasn’t expecting it.’ Mai replied, scoffing a little awkwardly, feeling bad for her lukewarm response to Kinoh's confession. ‘So, you…like him?’ she asked curiously. 

‘I hardly know him,’ Kinoh shrugged, and Mai could see she was blushing for more reasons than just the cold. ‘But I’ve seen him around a few times, and I think I’d like to go out with him.’

‘Yeah,’ Mai said in a small voice. ‘He’s a nice guy.’

Suddenly she was gripped by a strong urge to lie about Zuko. She hated the idea of Kinoh and him talking, and hanging out. It made her want to barf. But it wasn’t the right thing to do. Maybe they _would_ be a good match, maybe Zuko would like her and finally be able to move on from Mai –

‘I just don’t think he’s your type, Kinoh,’ Mai blurted.

‘Oh?’ the girl snapped her head to look at Mai who stood a little taller than her. Her eyes were wide because that was not the response she had expected to hear.

‘He-He’s very angry,’ Mai continued. ‘And possessive. And I don’t know what place he’s in with his ex-girlfriend and it could all get very messy –

‘Oh, I understand,’ Kinoh looked visibly dejected and it pierced a dagger of guilt in Mai’s heart. ‘I wouldn’t want to get involved with someone who isn't a hundred per cent available.’

‘Yeah,’ Mai agreed. ‘I’m so sorry Kinoh –

‘Ah, no worries,’ the healer smiled at her. ‘It was just a silly crush and now I’m more embarrassed that I had to bring it up to you than I am sad.’ She laughed.

Mai laughed as well. ‘By the way, have you ever thought of asking Shin out?’

‘Shin?’ Kinoh snorted. ‘Of course, I haven’t thought about Shin, we all know _I'm_ not the girl he's thinking about _.’_ Her eyebrows were raised knowingly at Mai.

Mai shifted awkwardly on the spot, the uneasy air that had lifted when they had laughed together just moments ago, had suddenly dropped back down and covered them again. Not wanting to deliberate, Mai had said her goodbyes and they had parted ways.

She walked back briskly to the Academy. She would be lying if she said she didn’t see that she enjoyed Shin’s favours. They were good friends, and for the longest time, she pinned his favouritism of her on that. But it wasn’t just that. She knew he liked her. She could tell because she too had liked someone once who only saw them as friends.

Mai picked up her pace as she zoomed through the streets realising that she was already a tab bit late for her class.

The good thing about running an Academy was that it took so much of her brain space that she rarely had to ponder over her own icky life problems like…boys.

 _Or not_ , she thought. As soon as she stepped into her Academy, she was greeted by the sight of Zuko lounging on the floor with her students crowding about him. 

‘Okay, who’s next?’ he bellowed. ‘I think you guys can do much better!’

The kids fell over each other in excitement, shouting ‘me, me, me’ at him.

‘Okay, does the pretty lady here want to go next?’ Zuko asked, pointing at a girl who was shier than others in coming forth. An excited Sof leapt to her feet at being acknowledged.

‘Can I show you my cartwheel defence that sifu Mai taught me?’ she spoke softly.

‘Go ahead,’ Zuko encouraged and Mai quietly fell back, watching the show. Anyone was yet to notice her presence.

Sof perfectly executed the cartwheel that Mai had taught her, and it almost made her chest swell in pride. Sof had been slow to respond to her teaching up until the moment Mai realised that the girl adored dancing and any moves that were akin to dance, she picked up immediately.

‘That’s cute,’ Zuko replied, then clicking his tongue he continued, ‘But your sifu is hiding the best tricks from you guys. These are rookie moves –

‘Is that so?’ Mai asked, stepping forward. Instantly the children retreated to their spots, sitting upright as though they had never been out of position. Zuko whipped around, craning his neck to look up at Mai.

‘Hello, sifu Mai,’ he replied. ‘Don’t take anything to heart, I was simply playing with the kids.’ He got up shooting Mai a challenging smile.

‘Oh no, no,’ she smiled back. ‘Now that you’ve gone ahead and called me a rookie, it’s a matter of my _honour_.’

Zuko stood up to his complete height, towering only a little above Mai and hoping that in comparison to her at least his height would be impressive. After all, from the children's perspective, he was sure he looked like a giant.

‘Are you two going to fight?’ the boy named Shiroh yelled pumping his fist excitedly. The other children seemed to agree with their enlivened chatter.

‘Now, I don’t think – Zuko shook his head, trying to quell the excitement.

‘I challenge you to a bare-handed fight,’ Mai said and the children erupted. The older kids that sat towards the end of the hall had also gotten up at the commotion and come over.

‘Ah, a crowd-pleaser I see,’ Zuko smiled at Mai and she rolled her eyes. ‘I accept your challenge.’

The children split up into crowds of two – boys and girls. While Mai and Zuko bowed and gauged the appropriate distance between them, the children took their corner. The girls behind Mai and the boys behind Zuko. Even the older children had picked sides despite not wanting to come across as "too interested". The only boy still standing behind Mai was Riku - her loyal companion. 

Without much ado, Mai and Zuko launched at each other, immediately holding the other in a shoulder grapple.

They had done this before, many times. The good thing about having a partner that was not adept in the same fighting style as oneself meant Mai had to step out of her comfort zone of long-range combat, ditch the knives and fight Zuko barehanded. Zuko, on the other hand, being surrounded by only benders found it easy to fight with fire, but it was in barehanded combat that his weaknesses shone through.

They circled the mat, as Mai took a kick to the back of Zuko’s knee. She had underestimated him, he stayed on his feet and with his quick thinking used the leverage of Mai’s leg being in the air by striking her across the shoulder and imbalanced, she fell to the mat.

There was loud cheering, some children booed, other hooted. Even the basement bunker's caretaker had surfaced to watch the show. 

Zuko stayed put, smiling as he gave her a moment to pick herself up. She leapt to her feet and without granting a second’s grace managed to land a punch in the centre of his gut, he doubled over a little bit in shock and it was enough time for her to swing kick him right to the side of his face.

He tumbled sideways but it took him less than a second to recover, and he swung a kick of his own, but Mai managed to duck.

He smiled again, wiping a bead of sweat off his forehead. Mai narrowed her eyes at him as they circled the mat again. Zuko’s first mistake was thinking he was fighting the same Mai from three years ago. This Mai was a lot more comfortable in close-range combat and had picked up quite the moves.

As he contemplated the kick he planned to land on the side of her thigh, she jumped with a loud grunt at him. Just straight leapt onto him, knocking him backwards with her entire weight and pinning him to the ground below. His arms wrapped over her shoulders in a defensive stance but as he hit the mat, the most he managed to do was pull the scarf off her carefully knotted and tucked hair in his attempt to grapple her.

This was his second mistake. He watched the hair fall down, cascade over her shoulders and tickle the side of his face as she pinned him down.

He had underestimated how much she still made his heart flutter.

He felt the physical manifestation of his yearning for her dig a hollow in his gut. He was completely unable to fight against her; more than lovestruck with Mai’s face hovering only inches above his. The first time her hair lay open in front of him, it unleashed a wave of bittersweet memories and jasmines, enveloping his senses. He stared up at her with rounded eyes, as she winked down at him. Her knees were pinning down his arms on either side and he was effectively KO’d.

She got off him and jumped up to her feet, her students running up to her and high-fiving her. She bowed and revelled in the cheers. The children seemed to have thoroughly enjoyed themselves.

Zuko sat up straight, sulking a little bit at the easy win he had granted her, rubbing his slightly sore elbows.

The boys ran up to him and one of the older ones sighed in exasperation. ‘How could you lose? You could’ve easily flipped her over! I saw her feet weren’t tucked in yet she was off-balance! How did she get you!?’

Zuko shook his head, ‘You’ll know when you’re older, buddy.’

Mai turned around him, smiling smugly. She reached out her hand for him to take and when he did, he felt a piece of paper that she was handing to him. As he rose to his feet she said, ‘Thank you for the early morning entertainment, but you should head to this place soon and start looking around for Shi Fen. I’ll join you after class.’

He nodded, then turned to her students. ‘See you all,’ he said, bowing to the crowd and they bowed back.

Mai’s chest heaved from the exertion as she raised her hands, tying her scarf back around her hair.

‘You should leave it out,’ he said softly, before turning away on his way out.

Mai watched him leave, her lips slightly parted because if she put them together she would not be able to hold back her stupid smiles. She took the scarf and stuffed it into a back pocket.

* * *

Mai had never been under the Golden Gate before. It was Lower Rung’s shiny emblem of “development”, a pretty golden bridge that connected it over the Bahn river to the Middle Rung. But under the bridge, homeless people and families, criminals and those stuck in hiding would congregate, a perfect metaphor for Ba Sing Se’s false promises to better lives – a shiny city, hiding a sinister truth.

She walked around a little unsurely, having no clue where she would find Zuko. She had only taken a few steps around in the unofficial settlement replete with tents, when she saw General Mak in plainclothes walking towards.

‘Fire-Zuko,’ he corrected himself quickly. ‘Is waiting for you further inside, we think we know where Shi Fen is.’

She nodded and followed Mak. Around her, people lay about on their mattresses, some had a little shelter under makeshift huts, others were completely exposed to the elements of nature save for the tattered clothes on their backs. She could tell many of them were people who were just here to take drugs in peace and quiet. They already knew it was killing them. Without support from their families or the authorities, they had nowhere else to go either.

Zuko sat morosely on a bench ahead and stood up when he saw them approach. Two more guards in plainclothes stood beside him.

‘What happened?’ she asked.

‘He lives down that alley,’ Zuko pointed down to a darkened hole in the wall. ‘I wanted you to be there when we question him so you can…you know ensure there isn’t any foul play or manipulation. I sometimes get blindsided –

‘Zuko, I trust you,’ Mai assured.

‘Yes, but your friend trusts _you,’_ Zuko sighed, ‘and I promised him no funky business.’

She nodded, feeling a sense of pride. ‘Let’s go.’

General Mak led them towards the shack Shi Fen was housed in. ‘I suggest that you let us do the talking and only step in if required.’ He called back at them.

Mai and Zuko both nodded, falling behind.

They stood outside the shack while General Mak and the other guards went in. It was a single room set-up, and they could hear everything being discussed inside.

‘We heard you used to work for Taiko,’

‘Are you here to kill me?’ came a low, gravelly voice. ‘I’m already on my way to the grave. I can take care of it myself.’

‘No,’ Mak continued. ‘We’re not friends of Taiko. We want to put an end to his drug smuggling business but we need help. We need to know everything you know.’

The man snorted, which quickly turned into an ugly cough. They waited as he recovered; his blackened lungs struggling to work.

‘It’s too big,’ the man croaked. ‘Its too late. You can’t do anything.’

‘Try us,’ Mak said. ‘What is Taiko’s plan?’

‘His plan is bullet proof,’ Shi Fen laughed darkly. ‘They want to get everyone addicted. All of Ba Sing Se. Men, women…children too. The man doesn’t care how young he gets them. The bastard doesn’t care how many he kills. The more people that are addicted, the more that are dependent on him and his supply and they will do anything to get their hands on some more.’

‘How does he do it?’ Mak egged on.

Mai felt her heartbeat rising, it was pumping to the beat of Zuko’s foot tapping anxiously on the ground.

‘He’s got young boys, men, women roaming the streets, handing out small doses of free packets of Red Bloom,’ he said. ‘A single exposure is enough. The next day they flock to him, begging for more, willing to do anything he wants.’

He coughed again before continuing. ‘He wanted me to do it too. He wanted me to target young boys and children and that’s when I quit. I said I wouldn’t do it.’

There were a few seconds of silence as Mak contemplated his next steps.

‘Come with us,’ he finally replied. ‘We will take care of you and pay your family on your behalf. I know your young daughter is struggling to run the family store all alone. We will make sure they are well taken care of in return for every single bit of information you have.’

Mai stepped away and turned to the other side; not sure she could handle much more of the conversation. Zuko stood by the door as his guards exited to discuss the plan with him.

Shi Fen had agreed to their terms and General Mak planned to take him with them back to their camp and drain out every last bit of information from the man. Zuko gave them the go ahead.

Mai watched as a sickly man emerged from the shack and was helped to walk away on the shoulders of the two guards. His bones protruded through his skin from malnourishment and his body showed signs of addiction.

She quickly looked away as Zuko came and stood beside her. ‘Are you okay?’

‘Feeling a little sick,’ she said, closing her eyes. ‘It’s one thing to hear about everything that happens because of the illegal trade but actually seeing it – _fuck_.’ She breathed quietly.

Zuko wondered if it would be a good idea to bring up the soldier that he had seen pass away in a way to extend solidarity, then decided it was better to keep mum about the details.

‘Let’s go,’ he said, slipping his palm in hers and pulling her along.

Before she knew it, Zuko had navigated them through the darkened under-bridge into the open air outside. He took her through the market, which he had come to understand now and with memory alone led them towards a stall he had seen earlier that sold shaved ice syrups.

He stopped only when they reached the stall and ordered one of them each. Orange for Zuko, strawberry for Mai. She stood quietly beside him; hand still tightly clenched in his.

‘Ice shavings in winter,’ Zuko said. ‘I thought you were crazy for enjoying it that way, but now I see the thrill factor that comes from it.’

‘A bit late,’ she replied rolling her eyes, thinking of all the times Zuko would get mad at her for wanting to eat ice lollies, and frozen desserts in winter as if that wasn’t the best time to have them.

‘I’m trying to make up for it,’ he chuckled, handing her the cone as they began strolling again. 

Mai took a bite, trying to engineer the taste of strawberries from her memory. As a general rule of thumb, she stayed away from things that reminded her how little she could feel and how dimmed her experience of the daily life was in contrast to everyone else.

But somehow, right now, the gritty tasteless shavings were helping lift her mood. In the very least, it was rehydrating her, she thought sullenly.

‘Don’t worry about Shi Fen,’ Zuko spoke between mouthfuls. ‘General Mak is a good guy. He isn’t like the men my father liked to employ in the military.’

She nodded. ‘I’m really glad ma has found someone like him to be honest.’ She dragged her feet over the dusty roads. ‘My parents’ marriage was one of the main reasons I decided to take off from the Capital. I’m happy to know she is doing well.’

Zuko squeezed her palm. ‘My mother and yours get along well too. They’re both doing alright. They’ve found support again.’

Mai only nodded, her fingers clutching his palm. Hers felt cold and clammy in Zuko's grasp and it prompted him to ask her –

‘Are you cold?’

_No._

‘A little yeah,’

He paused, turning her towards him and holding her at arm’s length. ‘Why are you always not wearing something weather appropriate?’ he clicked his tongue. ‘Being a Firebender means I don’t even have any extra layers of clothes to help you out.’

She chuckled at his frustration as he roamed his hands up and down her bare arms, warming them up. Zuko felt goosebumps rise on her skin, as she continued to laugh wondering how odd they must look to a stranger walking by.

He smiled, raising his thumb up to her jaw where the pink strawberry syrup had stained even her chin.

‘Sloppy,’ he commented, trying to wipe off the stains. She looked at him, her laughs dying as her eyes stared in longing at his face that was screwed in concentration over her chin.

He looked up to find her gazing at him, and their eyes locked. Unknowingly, his thumb brushed over her lower lip and he closed his eyes leaning down towards her.

She felt herself melt, reaching for him and the moment seemed to stretch into infinity. She wasn’t even sure if their lips had actually touched, until she rocked on her feet from leaning forward and jolted herself out of the trance.

Her hand shot up defensively to Zuko’s chest and his eyes flew open. ‘We should head back. It’s getting dark.’ She said, immediately turning away from him.

What just happened? Her mind raced. As she picked up her pace, with Zuko beside her.

Had they kissed? She didn’t think they had; she hadn’t felt the pressure of his lips on hers. Why had she let it get to that point? This wasn’t supposed to be anything. They weren't supposed to rekindle their past. Mai couldn’t tie him to her sick body now. She couldn’t tell him about anything unless she was completely healed. Ba Sing Se was her life now, and there was no way Zuko could be a part of that.

He walked quietly beside her, hands stuffed deep into his pockets. He had dropped his ice cone some time ago and now walked quietly and begrudgingly. His eyes focused on the road ahead.

But, had they kissed? She desperately needed to know if they had. She felt like she had blacked out and missed out on a moment she wanted to cherish forever. She had lost a moment that was never going to return, and that was not acceptable to her. Her brain lit up as she realised that if she could taste the orange syrup on her lips it would mean they had kissed. Not waiting to analyse the thought further she licked her lips, and obviously tasted nothing.

Frustrated that after all this time her brain managed to trick her, managed to let her believe she might taste and feel in a vulnerable moment when she wanted to be 'normal' so badly, only to be horribly let down and slapped in the face with reality, made her sigh out loud in exasperation and she chucked her cone in anger to the side of the road.

Zuko seemed to not notice, occupied in avoiding her until they reached the parting in the road where they would have to walk separate ways to their own flats.

‘Sorry, that we had to hurry back,’ Mai said as they approached the fork in the road. ‘I just had a lot of work –

‘Yeah, next time at least make a good excuse,’ Zuko replied bitterly. ‘Or better yet, just say the truth.’

She stopped in her path, standing put in the middle of the road at his words. He stopped a few steps ahead, turning around to look at her with his hands adamantly crossed over his chest.

‘Is all this not confusing to you?’ She asked softly.

‘Never has been,’ Zuko replied in a heartbeat. ‘ _I_ wasn’t the one who left.’

Mai sighed loudly. It was always about her leaving. She had committed the world’s biggest crime by leaving. ‘I had a lot of reasons to leave. Not all of them I can explain right now. But the one that really pushed me over the edge was the fact that _you_ were looking for a wife, and I wasn’t ready for that responsibility and I was trying to run away from anything that would remind me of my parents fucked up marriage.’

‘Who said that?’ Zuko retorted, narrowing his eyes. ‘Who said I wanted marriage? The fire sages? The ministers? The public? Do their opinions mean more to you than my own? Did _I_ ever give you an ultimatum for marriage, Mai?’

She blinked back her tears, looking at the horizon across from her, avoiding his gaze. There was so much she had to say, but nothing that she actually could.

‘Look, when I wake up each morning, I start my day wishing I could undo everything that made you want to leave. And when I wake up tomorrow, I’m still going to want to be with you,’ Zuko continued. His tone controlled. ‘I didn’t come here to pursue you, but something told me you hadn’t forgotten me either. I’m sorry if I misread things and I don’t know how you feel about us or why you think it won’t work out, but just know that I’m here. Always have been.’

And saying so, he turned away and walked off, disappearing into the entrance of the stairway to his makeshift apartment.

Mai rushed into the Academy and up the stairs to her flat before her tears gushed forth. She didn’t stop by the old man and the dog as she usually did, she didn’t stop by the bunker to say goodnight to the children. Tonight; she needed to nurse her broken heart alone.

She knew she had done the right thing but she didn’t want to. She didn’t want to be the bigger person and sacrifice her love. She wanted to take him back, she wanted to go back to her old life and be with Zuko again.

She slammed her door shut behind her, rummaging through her flat with her vision blurred with tears.

And tomorrow he would pack his bags and leave, and she would more than likely never see him again. She would never be able to fall in love with anyone else again. The opportunity for love had presented itself to her, in the form of a second chance that not many people got and she had kicked it to the curb.

She roughly yanked the bandages off her wrists, taking her anger out on herself and she grazed her skin with the coarse fabric, leaving red burns on her skin.

What did she care? It was all the same to her. Pathetic, pathetic, existence.

It was like not existing at all. It was like going through life like a ghost. She swung open her medicine cabinet, pulling out the only constant thing in her life. Her fucking medicine.

Blinded by her pain and anger, jerking the bottle open through her sobs, she didn’t bother waiting to calm herself down before taking the horrible liquid. She downed it and as usual it burned her throat. But this time, her already agitated body refused the vile liquid having not prepared for it. She threw the liquid back up, spitting it out into her sink.

She heaved over the basin, coughing and spluttering into the bowl, forced to calm herself down. The last time she had spit the medicine back out this way was almost a year ago when she still hadn’t mastered the art of administering it.

She wiped her tears, swallowing her anger and breathing slowly. Grounding herself for round two.

As usual, her sickness had shown her that all her anger and her frustration, all her desperation and want, all her yearning and thrashing and crying meant nothing in front of it. It dictated her life. 


	9. Chapter 9

Mai had pretty much stayed awake the whole night, tossing and turning and giving herself a headache. There were brief moments through the night where she thought she might have fallen asleep but always woke up with a jerk from her fevered slumber; sweat beading her forehead.

She couldn’t decide. She wanted Zuko to know. She wanted to confide in him and tell him about her ailment and how she really felt. It wouldn’t be fair to him because she knew it would hold him back no matter how much she told him she would be happier if he carried on. But also, he deserved to know. He had always had her back; he was her first and truest friend.

While Mai usually awoke with the first rays of the sun, she lay motionless in bed as the sun peaked over the horizon, and stayed put in the comfort of her sheet as it climbed higher and higher into the sky. She had no motivation to get out of bed, that particular day being an official holiday on account of it being the first Earth King’s birthday. She had no reason to stir from her mattress and she didn’t.

Some days were for moping. And while moping days were not uncommon for Mai, the past few days and nights had been so exciting and so much brighter than others that the sadness of today felt hollowing.

She hoped by some miracle that Zuko had decided to shift his departure so that she didn’t have to wake up and put on a mask. Didn’t have to make a decision today. Didn’t have to say goodbye just yet.

But then there was a knocking on her door, and simply by the weight of the hands tapping on the door and the fashion in which the knocks sounded, she knew it was him.

‘Yes?’ Mai called out; her voice hoarse for it was the first time she had used it that day.

‘It’s me,’ said Zuko, and she heard the rustling of some bags in his hands.

She sighed and heaved herself up.

‘Give me a second.’

She scrambled over to the sink and splashed water onto her face, rushing through her morning routine. Gargling, and putting on some proper clothes, while she smoothed out her hair at the same time.

She zoomed back to the door in under a minute, having readied herself sufficiently she hoped, and opened the door as Zuko stepped in, holding bags in both hands.

‘Just woke up?’ he asked and Mai sighed, wondering why she had bothered with the gymnastics to look decent.

‘Kind of,’ she shrugged.

He placed the bags on her table. She squinted.

‘What’s all this?’ she asked.

‘Some things I managed to snag from the Jasmine Dragon first thing before sunrise,’ Zuko explained. ‘There’s pastries, and muffins, and some fruit tarts as well.’

Mai raised her eyebrows at him as he turned to her.

‘For the kids,’ he explained. ‘Wanted to do something for them all before I left.’

‘Oh,’ she felt a heavy iron block drop in her stomach.

‘Also,’ he pointed at a smaller bag. ‘Some stuff for you and your friend too. Tell him I said thanks.’

‘Thanks, Zuko,’ Mai smiled warmly. ‘This is all, quite literally, very sweet.’

‘Yeah,’ he scoffed. Then in a more serious tone, he added. ‘General Mak sent a note late last night, saying Shi Fen’s been really cooperative. We have some solid leads now.’

‘Oh?’ Mai questioned curiously.

‘Yes, but it’s…kind of classified state secret now so…’

‘I get it,’ Mai shrugged dismissively.

‘But he did say that Taiko had been planning on targeting young kids in this area as well. I thought you should know so you can keep on your toes.’ Zuko informed.

‘Thanks for sharing, that’s definitely helpful.’ She nodded again. They were being so awfully formal. She hated this animosity. Hated that this was the note they would be parting on.

Zuko’s fingers tapped on the wood of the table restlessly.

‘I’m sorry we left off on a bitter note yesterday,’ he finally said, turning away from her and needlessly arranging the boxes on the table. 

‘Yeah,’ she replied, crossing her hands over chest. ‘I’m sorry too.’

‘I don’t want to talk about anything that might create a problem for us,’ he said. ‘I really do love having you as a friend, Mai.’

‘Me too,’ she said, and then of her own accord, she felt the words rising in her chest. ‘Zuko-

He spoke again. ‘I just want you to know that you can always come back. I know what you have here is great, but there’s also a lot you can do at home. The Fire Nation needs you too. If you ever miss us all, just come back, okay? I’ll take care of everything else.’

She could feel her voice shaking, ‘Zuko, I want to tell –

They both jumped as the door to her flat was thrown open with a loud bang. Shin blasted through the door into her flat, looking frantic. 

‘Mai you need to come with me,’ he said breathlessly.

‘Shin –

Without waiting for a response, he grabbed her hand and yanked her along.

He flew down the stairs with Mai in tow. She looked below at the Academy and saw that all the children were awoken, and assembled near the Academy entrance, sticking close to the caretaker. They looked absolutely mortified.

She scurried down the stairs, noticing now that there were many uniformed men, members of the Earth Kingdom security forced, standing outside the Academy. Some were inside, investigating the back of her Academy.

‘What’s happening?’ she asked Shin, her voice shaking in fear.

‘We need to go to Riku’s house, Mai.’ Shin replied without slowing down. She could hear Zuko following close behind.

‘Riku’s house?! I need to know what’s happening _here!_ Why is there Security in my Academy?!’ she yelled.

‘Mai, just come with me,’ Shin’s tone was scaring her further. He tugged her away, even though she wanted to turn around and go see why the Academy was surrounded.

‘Explain what’s happening Shin.’ Zuko was losing his patience at the mystery that was building. He was getting anxious, hoping it had nothing to do with the investigation he and Mai had been carrying out.

Shin didn’t have to explain much because as soon as they entered the street outside, there were crowds of people along with even more Security personnel thronging the streets leading up to Riku’s home. Their faces looked morbid.

Mai picked up her pace, feeling her heart drop. She tore herself away from Shin, breaking into a full sprint, wading through the crowd. The crowd got thicker and thicker the closer she got to his home, and soon she started hearing sounds.

Sounds of wailing. Sounds of crying and yelling.

‘My son! My poor son! They killed my baby!’

Mai parted the crowd ahead frantically with her hands, falling through the doorway. She stopped dead in her tracks, met with the sight of Riku’s lifeless body, wrapped in white linen. His peaceful head rested in his mother’s lap who couldn’t quite catch her breath between her wails.

‘My baby!’

Mai felt the world spinning around her, and she grabbed on to the wooden post of the door to keep her from falling to the floor. Her throat was sealing up and she couldn’t breathe, or talk, or weep.

Riku was lying dead at her feet. The white linen that covered him was dotted with the deep red of his blood.

Her vision quickly got cloudy and a muffled cry of help left her lips. She couldn’t believe her eyes. This was not supposed to happen. This wasn’t real.

‘How – She gasped weakly.

‘I think it was Taiko, Mai. Riku told someone who found him bleeding that he knew there were explosives planted in the Academy. It’s why there’s security there right now.’ Shin spoke softly beside her. He and Zuko had arrived closely after her.

Mai’s head felt like it might explode. Taiko? _Explosives?_

‘He’s not dead,’ she whispered, shaking her head. It was a prayer.

She felt Zuko’s hands grab both her shoulders, grounding her to the present, helping her stay upright.

She looked around helplessly, hoping this was some kind of sick joke. That this is was one those times Riku thought he was being funny.

She spotted a boy the same age as Riku, who stood watching. She knew that boy would often hang out with Riku and might have answers. Not sure she could make up any thoughts or words at the moment, all she did was raise her finger at him.

The boy saw that someone had recognised him, then panicking, he tried to sprint away, but Shin had understood her indication and reached out and grabbed the boy by his collar, slamming him against the wall.

‘How did this happen? What do you know!’ he shoved the boy roughly, intimidating him.

‘I – I swear I don’t know anything! I swear!’ the boy whimpered, begging with his eyes.

‘You would rather talk to the Earth King’s guards, is it?’ Shin gritted, dragging him by the collar.

‘Okay, okay!’ The boy wept, his words rushing out. ‘All I know is that Riku got involved with some bad people. He was taking the Red Bloom. He used to see them all the time. Then probably last night he heard some people say that Taiko was planning to blow up the Academy to get the Sifu out of his way and had asked them to plant explosives. Riku panicked and ran away to inform somebody but they caught him and stabbed him to death. I found him bleeding in the back alley early morning and asked someone to call the authorities. That’s all I know and I’ve already informed the Guards all of it, please let me go.’ The boy pleaded with his hands. ‘I don’t know those people and I never did Red Bloom myself; I promise!’ He wept. 

Shin let the boy go and he scampered away. Mai felt her knees buckle in shock. Zuko gripped her shoulder harder, holding her up.

‘Mai –

‘I can’t believe it,’ her voice was shaking. ‘Riku –

‘I trusted you, you bitch!’ Riku’s mother’s voice rang clear in the grief-ridden home. Her finger was pointed accusatorily at Mai. ‘I trusted you with my child! My only child! My poor poor baby.’ She yelled.

Slowly the congregated people turned to look at Mai.

She had no words. She just stared with her eyes wide at Riku’s corpse, tears freely flowing down her cheeks.

‘He treated you like a sister and I treated you like a daughter!’ his mother yelled. Her voice tearing through Mai’s soul. ‘He spent all his time with you at that damned Academy and you never even knew any of this was happening?! You could’ve stopped it all. You could’ve stopped him from getting involved with the wrong people. You could’ve stopped him from getting murdered –

Mai tore through the crowd, slapping her hands on her ears and wanting to get away from the noise, from the sight. But Riku’s blood-stained body was burned into her eyes and she sobbed realising she saw him everywhere she looked.

She was shaking as she exited into the street outside, the eyes of the people boring a hole through her. Her teeth were downright chattering.

Zuko ran after her, turned her towards himself as soon as she stopped a little way away from the crowd. ‘Mai, come with –

‘I have to go to the Police station. I’m going to prosecute Taiko. We – we – we can’t let him get away.’ She blurted. ‘Agni! He killed a child for fuck’s sake, we have to get him.’

She was breathed hard. Sobbing at each word. Shaking uncontrollably.

‘Mai, let the authorities figure this out. You need to –

‘I need to go to the police station!’ she screamed in desperation.

Zuko turned toward Shin, pulling Mai close to himself by her shoulder. She was disturbed and the best thing was for him to do as she wanted. ‘I’m going to take Mai to the station, can you go back to the Academy and manage things there?’

Shin nodded as Zuko let Mai lead him away from the crowd and down the street.

Mai had no clue where her strength was coming from. All of it was sheer willpower, sheer anger. But she was also scared. Scared about the other children. Scared that her mind and her heart were broken for good. Scared about the fight that she knew was about to wage.

Images of Riku were floating in her mind. All the times they had spent together. All the times he would complain to her about his mother. All the times she would force him to learn a concept he thought he was too cool to learn. All the times they sparred and all the times Riku had overcome the challenges posed to him. Even as a young boy of thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, he had left lasting impacts on the younger students and herself. No matter how lowly he left, he was always there to cheer up the younger children. He never wanted any of them to cry because they missed their mothers, and fathers, for Riku himself had known the pain of losing a father. He was so grown for his age.

Every time she opened her mouth to breathe a big gulp of air, more tears pooled on the inside of her lips. Zuko’s hand in hers was the only thing holding her to this earth right now.

Even though she wasn’t actively thinking about the way to the station or what she would say when she got there. Her feet led her straight to it.

She barged in anger through the gates, ignoring any officer that asked her business there and made her way straight to the Superintended.

Taiko and his men were already inside. They would often come and take stock of the situation in Lower Rung at the police stations. They were good friends with the officers who enjoyed heavy bribes from him.

Mai walked straight to the presiding officer’s desk and thumped her hand on the table.

‘I want to file an official report,’ she gritted. Then lifted her hand sideways and pointed to Taiko who stood a little way off laughing and jeering along with his men and some officers. ‘Against this man.’

The whole place fell silent. Taiko slowly turned to look at the finger indolently pointed at him.

No one had ever dared complaint against Taiko.

The Superintendent looked blankly at Mai. She picked up his pen from the table and thrust it into his hand. ‘Write.’ She commanded, and a tear dropped forth from her eyelash and onto the register.

Taiko spoke slowly, smiling sinisterly with his jagged teeth peeking over his lips. ‘I’m sorry sifu Mai, I don’t think I heard you correctly.’

‘Oh yes you did,’ she turned to face the man, ready to fight him to death right here if she had to. ‘I am accusing you of ordering the killing Riku, planting explosives in my Academy, and smuggling drugs in and around Ba Sing Se.’

Pin-drop silence. Zuko’s hand around her wrist tightened.

Taiko laughed, a sharp short, humourless laugh. He walked closer to her while she fumed, tears still flowing down her face.

‘Go home, Sifu. You’re going to get yourself and your neighbours in deep, deep, trouble.’

Mai felt absolutely unhinged. She yelled, launching herself at Taiko. His loyal men came forth to protect him, one of them launching a barrier of Earth in her path that would have fatally injured her had Zuko not had caught hold her in time. He wrapped his arms tightly around her torso as she writhed to be let free.

‘Let me go!’ she sobbed. ‘I’m going to kill this bastard!’

‘Mai,’ Zuko warned. Pulling her away as he watched Taiko seething in anger. He really did not want this to escalate this to a point where he was forced to use his bending, but it might just be too late already.

Just then, some wise elders entered the police station, concerned over the events of the morning. They had seen what had happened and decided to step in. The oldest of them, one who looked like he enjoyed some authority stepped up to Taiko.

‘Forgive her Taiko,’ the man reasoned. ‘She has seen a lot today, and we have lost a young boy in our locality to a terrible case of brutality. She is in shock. Please be merciful.’

‘You better watch out for these low-life cretins in our locality, Panto,’ Taiko seethed at the man. ‘I will not hesitate to rain down on you and the others next time. You vermin are always the last to pay your taxes and first to bite the hand that feeds you.’

Panto hung his head, while Taiko stormed out of the station with his men. The old man turned to look at Zuko, who was still holding onto Mai who had dissolved into a sobbing mess in his hands. ‘Bring her outside son.’

‘How could you let him get away with it Panto!’ Mai yelled at the old man. ‘He killed Riku! He wanted to blow up my Academy! I’m going to get him back!’

‘Please do no such thing,’ the man replied sadly. ‘Taiko is too powerful. It will achieve nothing except inviting more of his anger.’

‘How do you not care?! He killed a child! A literal boy!’ Her throat hurt from the exertion of her yells.

‘I do care. I care about the children still alive,’ Panto responded calmly, and with deep sadness. ‘We cannot lose anymore. We are doomed to live with injustice.’

Another elder spoke up, ‘We appreciate what you do for the children, Sifu. But we care about our lives more.’ 

‘You can’t be serious!’ Mai wailed as Panto and the other elders turned around. She stomped the ground in anger behind them as they walked off, leaving Mai to cope with her loss. ‘I’ve always stood up for the community and the Academy is home to so many! Now that it’s in danger you’re all just going to turn your back on me?’ Her cries were for nothing, they were already gone.

Zuko pulled Mai behind, seating her on the bench outside the station while she broke down in his arms.

She wailed quietly into the crook of his elbow. ‘How did this all happen?’

‘It’s going to get better, Mai. I promise.’ He consoled, but he wasn’t sure how much of it he believed himself.

Two of his guards jogged up to him, one carrying a bottle of water. Zuko unscrewed the bottle and despite Mai’s protests, made her drink some. In a minute she had chugged half of it down. She was parched. 

‘My Lord, it is not safe for you or Lady Mai to stay here much longer,’ one guard whispered.

‘I’m not going anywhere!’ Mai warned scooting away from Zuko.

‘You’re gonna stay right here,’ Zuko comforted. Then turning to his guards, he said, ‘We’re going to stay here. Please keep a lookout over the Academy and the flat across the road. I need to make sure it is safe.’

‘General Mak and the others are already posted there,’ the other guard chimed.

‘Good,’ Zuko breathed. ‘We will manage.’ With that, he dismissed his soldiers.

He walked Mai back to the Academy and by now, hearing about the altercation at the station with Taiko, most of the crowd had departed. They were all trying to resume business as usual, hearts heavy with sadness. Some people still stood around Riku’s home, sounds of wailing continued to be heard from within.

The security around the Academy mostly seemed to have retreated, as the area was declared safe. Some officers stood around chatting with Shin, having recovered some explosives that had been hooked up to the back of the building.

Zuko didn’t want them to hound and question Mai just yet and so he took from the back entrance. The old man looked solemnly at them as they crossed him and his dog trotted up to Mai sensing her grief. The dog accompanied Mai and Zuko till the very entrance of the back door, leaving only after they had entered the building.

It seemed the children too had been sent back into the basement as the Academy floor lay oddly empty and quiet.

He helped her up the stairs and into the peace and quiet of her room. He deposited her on her mattress where she sat down with her head buried in her hands, while he tried to whip up some boiled eggs for her to eat.

He returned as quickly as possible to her side, but she hadn’t stirred an inch.

Zuko tried to coax her, but she didn’t touch a morsel, not even so much as lifting her head.

He sat beside her, rubbing her back as she shook from her sobs. He was trying to explain to her how it wasn’t her fault. Maybe if he said it enough times, she would manage it not internalise the guilt.

‘I should’ve seen it,’ she finally whispered. ‘I should’ve seen the signs. He was away so often. He was borrowing money more often. I can’t believe –

A fresh floodgate of tears washed forth.

‘Mai, you’re not superhuman. There’s only so much you could’ve known.’

‘I’m going to kill Taiko.’ She gritted through her sobs. ‘I don’t care what anyone says, I’m going to kill every last one of them.’

She felt her breathing tighten and her head began pounding with pain. Zuko’s calm voice reminding her to breath, and his hands gripping her upper arm were the only things holding her back from passing out.

She was so tired. She wanted to succumb to the painful wave of memories that were flooding every last inch of her consciousness.

He helped her lay down on the mattress.

‘Zuko, I need to be alone for some time,’ she whispered.

‘Mai, I can’t leave you like this.’

‘Please,’ she begged. Her tears drenching the pillow under her head. ‘Please leave me alone with my thoughts of him. Just for some time.’

He sighed, brushing her hair away from her face and dropping a kiss on her temple. ‘Promise you’ll take care of yourself?’

She nodded quietly.

Unwillingly, Zuko rose. He placed a bottle of water near her, covered her in a blanket and headed out of her room. He gently closed the door behind him, hoping that she would simply fall asleep from the tiring day she had had. He headed down the stairs with a heavy heart.

Shiroh, one of the older boys from Mai’s class was sitting alone on the Academy floor. He jumped to his feet when he saw Zuko.

‘Is everything going to be okay?’ he asked. ‘How’s Mai?’

‘Everything’s going to absolutely fine.’ Zuko responded stopping in front of the boy who looked spooked out of his skin.

‘We all miss Riku,’ he said softly. ‘Chiya hasn’t stopped crying all afternoon. She keeps asking when he’ll be back.’

‘I know,’ Zuko nodded, placing a hand on his shoulder. ‘Mai misses him too. But we all have to be brave right now. Like Riku.’

‘The people who killed Riku,’ the boy asked, his misty eyes shining. ‘Will they come for us too?’

‘No, they won’t,’ Zuko replied immediately. ‘We will catch them really soon and everything will go back to normal.’

‘Okay,’ the boy nodded. ‘I’m going to tell the others that.’

Zuko reached for the boy and stopped him before he could leave.

‘Shiroh, I want you to do something important.’

The boy turned, nodding in attention.

‘Sifu Mai isn’t feeling very well, and she isn’t letting me look after her right now. I want you to keep an eye on her and if anything looks even a little off, I want you to come straight to me in the flat across the street and tell me right away, okay?’

Shiroh nodded again. Diligently.

Zuko reached into his pocket and pulled out a silver coin, handing it to the kid.

Shiroh looked down at his palm, then pushed it away refusing the payment.

Zuko swallowed a knot in his throat, then patting the boy on the back, he walked out of the front gate.


	10. Chapter 10

Zuko walked out, and down the stairs. Unsurprisingly he was immediately bombarded with questions about his whereabouts and his relation to the Academy, by the Guard on duty.

‘I am just a friend of the owner,’ Zuko explained, then pointing to Shin he added. ‘He can vouch for me.’

Shin nodded at the officer, who still looked unconvinced about Zuko.

‘You don’t look like you’re from around here,’ the officer noted, eyeing Zuko’s scar which rarely did him any favours. ‘Make sure you submit your travel permit and identification documents to the station before sunrise tomorrow.’

Zuko agreed quietly, not wanting to draw any more attention to himself.

The officers seemed like they had wrapped up their questioning. Zuko watched as they carefully transported a small wooden box of explosives that they had found at the site. He estimated the quantity might’ve been enough to blow out the entire back of the Academy – Mai’s flat included.

Shin walked up to him, ‘How’s she now?’

‘Not too good,’ Zuko shook his head. ‘But she really wanted to be alone.’

‘And you left her?!’ Shin’s tone had suddenly turned hostile. Zuko looked at him indignantly; lips pursed not thinking he needed to explain his decisions to Shin.

He continued, in the same hostile tone, ‘She’s not in a state to be left alone.’

‘I’m aware exactly what state she is in,’ Zuko responded, his voice gravelly. ‘I did what I saw fit.’

Shin took a step back. ‘I’m going to her,’ he announced. But before he could make a move, Zuko jabbed his palm to the man’s chest, holding him back.

‘I don’t think that’s a good idea,’ he warned.

Shin's eyes reflected his anger, but Zuko's show of strength felt like an ominous threat. The last thing Shin wanted to either of them to lose their cool in the middle of everything that was happening.

He retreated and Zuko dropped his hand. 

‘I’m watching out for her,’ Zuko said. ‘And I think we should respect her wishes right now.’

Shin thrust his hands into his pocket, looking at Zuko distastefully. ‘If anything happens to her –

He decided to not elaborate on the consequences as he turned away and walked off. Zuko’s incensed gaze followed the man as he left, taking long quick strides.

Zuko began to cross the street over to the flat where he was staying. Most shops had wrapped up early that evening. No one seemed to be in the mood to buy or sell. He guessed the possibility of having your life changed by an explosion could put one in a sombre mood.

There were some guards lounging around who had been posted near the Academy to ensure safety. They didn’t seem too happy at the prospect of being stationed anywhere through the night and were casually laughing and chatting.

Zuko felt a little content knowing his own guards were around, keeping an eye on the Academy and Mai’s house.

He turned to look one last time at the Academy, as though to make sure it was still standing. His eyes met the old man’s eyes who sat on the side of the road. He was looking at Zuko with disgust. He quickly averted his gaze.

As soon as Zuko entered his flat, he pulled up a chair and placed it backwards in front of the window that looked over the road. He sat down on it with his chin resting on the back of the chair, looking over to the Academy. He couldn’t see into Mai’s flat, but it still felt better than having his back to her. He stared out as the lights outside got dimmer and the sun chased the horizon, constantly wondering if he should hurry back to her side.

Zuko woke up with a jerk; still sitting on the chair. He slapped his hand to the back of his neck that was hurting from resting sideways onto the back of the chair, wondering what had woken him up so suddenly.

There was a knocking on his door, and he realised the first time he had heard the knock was when he had been jerked out of slumber. He looked out of the window, gathering his senses, and realised it had gotten darker; the sun had fully set. 

He hopped over to the door, swinging the door open to Shiroh who had come with the caretaker in tow. 

Before she could begin speaking, Zuko was already looking around for his shoes.

‘Shiroh saw Mai coming out to get water and said she looked really pale and weak. He said you told him to come and tell you.’

‘I did,’ Zuko said, frantically putting on his shoes. ‘Thank you.’

He slammed the door shut behind him, and zoomed past the two of them to the Academy.

It probably wasn’t anything, he thought. It would only be normal for her to be a little dehydrated and weak from everything that was happening. Right?

He bounded up the stairs two at a time, then went straight through her door not bothering to knock.

Mai was lying on her mattress, her hair was undone and spread out underneath her. She clutched her blanket to her chin with a death grip. 

‘Mai,’ he said, dropping down on the floor in front of her. He placed his hand on her forehead and found that she was burning up. But despite her ridiculously high body temperature, she was shivering and her teeth were chattering.

His heart began to pound.

‘We need to go to the healer,’ he lifted her head in his arms, not wanting to wait another minute.

But then her eyelids fluttered and she painstakingly opened them. Her eyes were bloodshot.

‘Medicine,’ she whispered. 

‘Where?’ he egged her, looking around the mattress and her floor around it. ‘Where’s the medicine?’

‘Green,’ she managed to croak.

Green. _Green_.

He gently lowered her back onto her pillow and leapt to his feet. He remembered seeing medicine vials in her house before.

He ran into her kitchen, finding nothing in those drawers. Nothing on the table, nor around her dresser. Nothing on her little writing lap-desk either. Finally, he pushed open the door in the back and entered her bathroom.

He flung open the small cabinet above her sink and found what she might be referring to. But there were so many. There were green liquids in two different types of vials, he didn’t know if they were different medicines or just packaged differently. There were also green-ish tablets.

Trying to not panic, he went with his gut and picked the first vial that had caught his eye. He strongly believed it was the one he had seen earlier on her table outside.

He exited the bathroom with it. Perhaps Mai could point and confirm.

He returned to her, lifting her up by her shoulder, ‘Mai,’ he said. Then pressing her shoulder, he asked again, ‘Mai!’ But she didn’t respond, her head falling back over his arms.

She had passed out.

He felt his stomach drop. There was no time to waste; he had to give her the medicine but he felt helpless. He didn’t know if it was the right thing, nor did he know how much she was supposed to take, or if it had to be diluted or not.

Zuko half-shouted in frustration. He knew nothing.

Suddenly he heard a set of quick footsteps behind him. He turned around and saw that Shin had arrived, while the caretaker who had sent for him stood outside by the door. 

'Move,’ he said walking up to Mai, and Zuko placed her back down and immediately got out of the way.

Shin knelt in front of her, lifting her arm and checking her pulse.

Zuko swallowed a knot in his throat. ‘She asked me to get her a medicine and I didn’t know which one.’

He handed Shin the vial in his hand.

‘This is it,’ Shin confirmed. Zuko watched as he uncorked the bottle and lifted Mai’s head in his arm, expertly tilting her neck up so that she may not choke on the liquid. He raised the hand around her neck to her jaw, and pried open her mouth, then quickly poured the liquid in.

He snapped her jaw shut with excessive force as soon as he had dumped the medicine into her mouth then lifted her up to make sure she swallowed. She spluttered and coughed, sounding like she was choking on whatever it was anyway. Zuko’s instinct made him crawl closer to her, wanting to reach for her as she convulsed in discomfort. But Shin firmly held her in place until she was done writhing.

Zuko realised he would never have been able to administer this to her. He could barely watch her receiving it.

Shin set her back down and turned towards the caretaker who was still lurking by the door and asked her to bring a cold wash. She nodded and disappeared.

‘Will she be fine?’ Zuko asked.

‘Let’s hope,’ Shin answered quietly. 

Zuko didn’t have any more words. He was completely shaken.

The caretaker returned carrying a bowl of water. The condensation on the outside of the bowl showed how cold it was. She deposited the bowl and a towel on Shin’s side.

He began to drench the towel, soaking the water in every crevice. Zuko watched intently.

Suddenly, both shot up when they heard Mai mumbled and groaned. Shin felt his confidence return, she was responding well to the medicine. It was a good sign.

She lifted her hand, it hovered lightly off the mattress; she was reaching. She mumbled again, ‘Zuko.’

Zuko immediately scrambled to her side, taking her hand and kissing the back of it. ‘I’m here, Mai. I’m right here.’

Shin turned back towards the bowl, wringing the water out and drenching the cloth again. Wringing and drenching.

Then he pushed the bowl towards Zuko. ‘Here. Do this.’

Zuko lifted the towel in his hands, ‘Just place it on her forehead?’

He had a faint memory of Uncle Iroh tending to him this way, all those years ago in Ba Sing Se.

‘Yes,’ Shin nodded. ‘On her forehead. And then when you take it off, you can wipe down her arms as well.’

‘Hm,’ he turned back towards her, placing the towel on her forehead, intensely focused on the task.

Shin rose, feeling a little lost. This was usually his job.

He cleared his throat. ‘I’m going to go back to the health centre and consult Gian. See if we need to take her to him. I’ll also bring back some medicines and food.’

‘Yeah, thanks,’ Zuko replied, without ever breaking his view of Mai.

‘Do you need anything?’ Shin asked, assuming Zuko would be spending the night here as well.

‘Just a blanket, maybe,’ he answered distractedly.

The night grew darker and the streets grew quieter outside as Zuko continued to rock back and forth, sitting cross-legged in front of Mai. He would place the towel on her forehead and change it out every few minutes without fail. Actively, he focused to bring down his own body heat so as to not heat up the water too quickly with each time he dunked in. 

Mai would mutter from time to time.

‘Tell him to go home,’ she mumbled once.

‘Tell whom, Mai,’ Zuko had asked rubbing her arms comfortingly.

‘Riku,’ she whispered. ‘Make him go home.’

She kept saying things. Some things he understood, like when she mumbled about Tom-tom. Other times he was completely lost.

It seemed like hours had passed before Shin walked back through the door. Balancing too many things in his hands, wrapped up in a blanket like Zuko had requested.

‘Wanna switch shifts?’ Shin asked. ‘You must be tired.’

‘It’s fine,’ Zuko said. ‘Tell me about the medicines. Which ones should I give her and how often?’

Shin sighed, looking at Mai who was still asleep, albeit much more peaceful now.

‘Let’s have dinner,’ he said to Zuko. ‘You’ve been here a while and trust me you have a long while to go. Take a ten-minute break.’

It’s as if the mention of food had sent a kick to his gut. He felt his stomach gurgle; the last meal he had had that day was breakfast.

‘Yeah,’ he said, taking one last look at Mai before getting up.

Shin brought out two bowls while Zuko unpacked the takeaway boxes of noodles he had brought.

The two stepped out of the flat to get a little fresh air and sat down on the small landing right outside, that overlooked the dark and empty Academy.

Shin broke the silence after each of them had taken a few bites of food.

‘I can’t believe he’s gone. I don’t have the ability to process it’s happened this way,’ he said quietly.

‘Can’t imagine how tough it must be on all of you,’ Zuko responded. ‘He seemed like a good kid.’

‘The best,’ Shin corrected. ‘He was the first kid Mai ever taught. He was only thirteen then, and they both worked so hard. He was going to give the exam this year and join a proper school. Mai was so proud of him. We all were.’

Zuko chewed on his food in silence, not sure he had the right words to express himself.

‘Mai never spoke about her family, but I think she mentioned once how she thought of Riku like her own little brother, and it helped her feel better about the sibling she had left behind.’ Shin sighed. ‘It’s obviously hit her hard enough to aggravate her condition.’

‘What condition?’ Zuko asked. He had been waiting for a chance to ask Shin. It was obvious to him that Mai was hiding something big.

‘No one really knows what it is really,’ Shin shook his head. ‘Some kind of autoimmune disease. Her own body attacks her. There isn’t a permanent cure.’

‘What…happens?’ Zuko’s voice was choked; he dreaded the answers but he wanted to understand. He wanted to know.

‘Her own immune system can’t fight itself all the time, every day. She grows weak.’ He explained. ‘The green liquid? It’s an energy potion but it also helps her with extra immunity. Without it, she will fall ill. It’s a unique concoction. Not many healers can make a stable one.’

‘How does the fever go away?’

‘You just try really hard,’ Shin looked down at his feet. ‘Every time she falls ill there’s a high chance that she might not win the fight –

‘What,’ Zuko breathed out, his heart dropping. 

‘But she has every time,’ Shin turned to him. ‘She was doing very well for herself until now. Hadn’t fallen ill in a long time. We thought she was strong enough to turn down the medication but I think the shock propelled her into the sickness. But she’ll be fine Zuko. Just give her the new medicines I brought – they’re double strength.’

‘There’s no cure for this?’ Zuko stared blankly ahead.

‘Just prevention for now.’ He replied. ‘It can be managed. But it takes a lot of work. Gian and a close-knit network of medics around the world have been trying to find a cure. I’ve seen him working sleepless nights lately. We’re closer than ever.’

This wasn’t assurance to Zuko. He wasn’t sure anything could be assurance after what he had just heard.

‘How long – he whispered.

‘I think about three years? Maybe four?’ Shin replied.

Zuko ate the rest of his meal in silence, almost stuffing the food down his throat, his appetite having evaporated completely.

Shin, too, sat in silence.

‘I’m gonna head back,’ he said as he finished up. ‘I’ll come by tomorrow to check on her again. And of course, you can reach out to me anytime. Just send Mimi – the caretaker.’

‘Shin, I’m so sorry I was so rotten to you,’ Zuko said quietly. ‘Trying to act like I had any kind of right over Mai. Clearly, there’s so much about her I don’t even know.’

‘It’s not your fault. I don’t think she’s told anyone at home. She never even told us about her home or her background either.’ Shin sighed, standing up. ‘I did wonder when I found out she was close to the Fire Lord, why she ever moved down here? But I guess that’s Mai for you. A mystery.’

‘That makes two of us,’ Zuko smiled, straining to stand up.

Shin was still standing where he was, tapping his foot. Trying to come up with the right words before finally speaking. ‘Mai has done really good work in her time here, and she’s made this her life. But she can’t keep living here. It’s not safe and it will never truly be her home. Take her with you. Find her the best healers. She deserves it.’

Zuko nodded. Then, simply for the spirit of competition, he raised an eyebrow in jest, ‘So you’re just going to give up on her like that?’

Shin snorted, ‘We’re not like you Fire Nation folk. We know our boundaries and when to back off.’

‘Right,’ Zuko replied.

‘Besides, I had three years to make to a move and never did,’ he added, handing his bowl to Zuko and making his way to the stairs. ‘In retrospect, it was a good thing for my ego since she’s clearly still hung up on you. Can’t believe I let her give me any love advice.’


	11. Chapter 11

Mai could feel the heat on her eyelids. They felt so hot and heavy.

She had been awake for some time but her eyes were glued shut. Slowly, she worked against the binds that were holding her lids shut, and managed to flutter her eyes open. 

She blinked, utterly confused at the sight in front of her. Her clouded vision not helping.

Then as her mind adjusted to her orientation and her eyes to the dim lighting, she realised Zuko was laying in front of her. He had fallen asleep on the floor beside her mattress, covered in a thin blanket. She just stared at him for several minutes; soundly asleep, right next to her.

Was she even awake? He wasn't supposed to be here. 

She lifted her hand up, and her arm shook a little from the effort before she rested them on his cheek. Her fingers must have been cold because it woke him up in an instant.

‘Hey,’ he said groggily as soon as his eyes flew open. He reached up to graze her cheek with the back of his hand, gauging her temperature. She was still too warm, but a lot better than yesterday. ‘You’re alright?’

She nodded, and her eyes fell shut again. Holding them open was too much effort. ‘I thought you were leaving.’ She whispered so softly, that if Zuko wasn’t inches again from her he might’ve never heard.

He caressed her cheek with the back of his hands. ‘No, I’m here.’

She felt a sense of security at his words, easily letting herself fall back into the drowsy floating state she had been in all night. Awake, but asleep. The feeling of Zuko’s touch on her cheek imprinted itself in her brain, and she took it with her as she drifted. 

Zuko closed his eyes too, and fell asleep again. He felt extremely tired. He had laid down only an hour or so ago after being convinced that Mai’s temperature had been stable for some time. 

When he woke up next, it was almost sunrise. The room was flooded in an eerie morning glow and he was certain he had heard Possumchicken crowing the residents of the Lower Rung awake.

He sat up, stretching his arms and back that felt crooked from laying on the floor. Mai was fast asleep, her breathing coming in much easier than it was the night before.

He rubbed his eyes and sat idly on the floor, thinking of his plans for the day ahead. There was much to consider.

After freshening up, he had taken a short trip to the flat across the street to gather his essentials and bring them back to Mai’s. A couple change of clothes, his letters and paperwork, his weapons. He had postponed his return to the Capital, but he had to figure out how they were going to manage things. He hadn’t stopped being Fire Lord at any point.

He made a little corner for himself in Mai’s home and sat down to write some letters at her table along with a hot cup of tea he had brewed. The seat near the window would've been his first choice but the sitting at the table gave him a first view of Mai while she rested. 

He wrote the first letter to General Mak, telling him that he wanted him to take charge of any military operations including the secret mission at hand. He also asked for all his daily paperwork, letters, documents to be delivered to him and basically shift as much of his duties as possible to doing them out of Mai’s home. He also wrote to his Ministers, who were taking care of business back home, that he was postponing his return for the time being and giving them appropriate directions. Lastly, he wrote to Uncle Iroh, explaining as much of the situation as he could.

Every so often, Zuko would go to Mai and check in on her. He would tuck her in and hold her hand. Mai had never been a light sleeper, but she was so deeply asleep at the moment, so tightly clutched in the claws of slumber that it scared him a little. How was she so tired?

He didn’t know the cumulative number of hours he had spent since last evening, just sitting beside her, his lips plastered to the back of her hand, feeling her pulse and making sure that it was beating a steady drum.

There were knocks on the door and Zuko was thankful for the forceful opportunity to stand up and stretch his limbs for he was unable to stir from her side otherwise. He pulled the door open and finding his guards there, closed the door behind himself and stood outside Mai’s flat as they discussed business.

They updated him on multiple things including the situation back in the Capital. Zuko nodded along, trying his best and failing to not yawn every couple of seconds, the last thing he wanted to do was appear uninterested in his kingdom, but the fatigue was catching up with him.

‘Excuse me,’ Zuko said, after yawning for the fifth time during his briefing, rubbing the bridge of his nose.

‘Fire Lord, if you’d like we can stay posted right here and have an experienced caretaker look after Lady Mai while you rest,’ one of the guards offered.

‘I’ll be fine,’ Zuko said, and from the corner of his eye, he saw Shin climbing up the stairs, bags in hand. Zuko nodded in acknowledgement at him, then returned his attention to the guards. ‘I just want you all to make sure everything else is taken care of. Bring me all my urgent work right here.’

They bowed and left after Zuko handed them the letters, promising to bring back more updates as they came. Zuko turned back towards the door to Mai’s home which was left slightly open after Shin had entered.

Zuko noticed all the bags of fresh food and vegetables he had brought along with some more supplies that he had deposited on the table. Shin was sitting beside Mai, checking on her. Zuko walked over and saw that the man was carefully pricking her arm with three equidistant needles. Zuko kneeled beside him.

‘Zhen ci,’ Shin said. ‘It will help her chi flow better. We’re only targeting her immune system right now.’

‘I know this,’ Zuko said softly. ‘I have a friend who specialises in blocking and unblocking chi. Just with her hands.’

Shin raised an eyebrow. ‘Just with her hands? That’s…impressive.’

‘Yeah,’ Zuko nodded.

Shin sat back after he had placed the needles to his satisfaction.

‘Have you given her any medicine?’

‘Not yet,’ Zuko said.

‘I brought some fresh fruits and vegetables,’ Shin said. ‘You’re going to have to sort of boil them and mash them together and feed it to her. After that, give her the medicine.’

‘Alright,’ he replied, zoned out over Mai’s peaceful face. It bothered him that even the pricking hadn’t woken her up. He felt a horrible feeling churning in his guts.

He asked softly, ‘Is she always like this when she’s ill?’ 

‘She’s tired, Zuko. Her body is working overtime.’

‘It’s just that…she’s such a light sleeper. You could never creep around her room when she’s asleep. Her senses are sharp like a cat even in the middle of the night.’ He felt the corners of his lips curl up, thinking of all those times he had tried to tip-toe out of Mai’s room in her mansion in the Capital after they had spent the night together. Each time he thought he had done a good job of not waking her up, yet each morning, despite his trained ability she would tell him the exact moment he had woken her up.

‘I know what you mean,’ Shin replied. ‘I think the hardest thing for her is to trust someone to tend to her when she’s like this because her guard is completely down. She didn’t trust me and Gian for a long, long time, but she never really had a choice either. That’s why I’m glad you’re here now. After everything that’s happened, I think she needs you even more.’

Shin left after a while and Zuko took the fruits and vegetables into the kitchen and began washing them in the sink. Never did he think when he began this secret mission that it would lead to him having to revert back to his days in the Jasmine Dragon. 

Zuko’s cooking wasn’t very good.

_ But it also isn’t bad. I’ve simply never done it before. _ He shrugged, trying to find the silver lining in this situation.

He opened the drawers and immediately groaned, remembering there were never any spices in Mai’s drawers for some reason. He stood back, hands on his waist, wondering what he was going to do without spices.

He took a cursory look at the vegetables, then pushed them aside, bringing forth the fruits. At least, fruits were tasty on their own.

He nodded. A fruit-mash up was definitely a better idea.

With his extraordinary knife skills, Zuko was able to chop up the wide array of fruits into extremely thin and small slices. He gathered them into a bowl and using the bottom of another smaller bowl (because he wasn’t sure if there was a proper instrument for mashing and if there was he didn't know what it looked like) he ground the pieces up a bit.

Was it the nicest looking dish ever? No. Had Zuko made the best of his resources and produced an edible outcome? Definitely.

Smiling to himself for no apparent reason, he exited her kitchen, walking over to her with the bowl in his hand.

To his surprise, he found Mai awake, pulling out the needles from her arm.

‘You’re awake!’ He didn't bother keeping the joy out of his voice.

‘Mhm,’ she nodded quietly. She still seemed very weak.

‘I made you some food,’ Zuko said, sitting down on the floor in front of her.

She hoisted herself up as Zuko placed his arm under hers, helping her sit up.

She craned her neck to look into the bowl in his hand, then instantly made a face.

‘Oh, come on,’ he rolled his eyes. ‘Shin said you had to eat boiled and mashed vegetables. At least, I made you a good deal by pulping some fruit instead.’

Her head rested against the wall; nose still curled up at the notion of having to eat mashed up food.

‘Come on,’ Zuko insisted, raising the wooden spoon up to her lips.

She lifted her head a little, looking down at the spoon in distaste. Zuko refused to put it away, and she finally gave in, taking the pulp into her mouth.

She chewed slowly, then swallowed. The whole time her scowl never went away. Zuko was sitting across from her smiling. 

‘Bad,’ she said. Her voice sounded like she had been gargling nails, and yet Zuko was washed with relief hearing her speak.

‘It’s actually not,’ he informed, with an air of self-importance. ‘I used to be quite an accomplished chef at one of Ba Sing Se’s premier’s eateries. So kindly, be mindful of your language madam.’

‘So bad,’ Mai rolled her eyes.

‘Sucks to be you, I guess,’ Zuko shrugged, shoving another spoonful towards her.

She pursed her lips.

‘Mai, I’m serious,’ he said, sternly. ‘You have to eat this for the medicine. Or maybe something else?’ he asked hopefully. Mai had always been very particular about her food.

She sighed, closing her eyes and throwing her head back onto the wall. A long, ragged breath out.

Defeatedly, she reached and took the bowl from him, placing it down in her lap. Slowly, she lifted the spoon to her lips and began feeding herself little bites against her will.

‘A warrior,’ Zuko praised jokingly.

He could see how much she hated it, and she had never been one to adjust easily, yet here she was trying her best. Fighting, like always.

His smile faltered as he turned away from her. How many times had she been through something like this to just accept everything that was happening without complaints?

He got up to go back to the kitchen and clean up, letting Mai have some privacy. 

She took a long time to finish her food. She tried to give the unemptied bowl back to Zuko a couple times but he kept handing it right back to her, saying she had to finish it.

Shin had said that her appetite would go down and she might refuse food. Her body might refuse it too, but she had to be kept fed and hydrated, regardless.

After Zuko took the clean bowl away from her, he brought the medicine vial with him. Mai reached up for it, taking it in her hand.

‘Double strength,’ he replied as he handed it to her.

She clicked her tongue loudly at his words, throwing her head back. Her eyelids tightly screwed shut not wanting to think of the pain. Wasn't the regular one torture enough? 

He sat down beside her. ‘Does it hurt a lot?’

She shook her head. ‘Burns,’

Before Zuko could say anything, she turned sideways, laying her head in Zuko’s lap. ‘Just do it.’

Her eyes were still tightly shut in the horrible anticipation, and her hands were tightly clutched by her chest.

He felt queasy, thinking about the way Shin had given her the medicine yesterday.

But he had to do it. Even Mai was ready. He couldn’t be the weak link here.

He placed his hand on her chin, parting her lips. She reached her hand up, grabbing his wrist in trepidation.

He uncorked the bottle before she could change her mind and resist, and dumped the liquid into her mouth. One hand held the back of her head up, while the other snapped her jaw close. She spluttered and coughed, her fingers tightened and her nails dug into his wrist. He could tell from the way her chest jerked, that her body was trying to throw the liquid back up but he forcibly held her down.

It was over quickly, but it felt like forever. He felt her jaw slacken and he let her go as she released an audible sigh of pain. Tears spilled from the corner of her eyes that were watering from the burn.

Zuko stroked the side of her face, lowering his lips down to her forehead. He felt like he might cry, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t seem weak when Mai was the one fighting. She needed him to be strong.

They stayed like that. Him resting his head on hers; Mai slowly catching her breath. He didn’t know how long had passed but neither of them wanted to stir.

Mai felt safe.

Zuko felt content.

He heard her breathing turn into soft snores, and finally shifted her onto the pillow, covering her in a blanket.

He got up and went to serve himself some of the packed food Shin had brought for him. He picked up a sheet of paper from Mai’s writing desk and began jotting down all the things he needed to get back on track with when it came to work. It helped take his mind off her suffering for a little bit. 

Quickly he jotted down all the things he wasn’t able to tend in his time away, all the people he knew were slacking off in his absence and needed to be checked on.

He shook his head smiling, thinking of how it was Mai who had taught him this quick note-taking technique. She swore by it and now so did he. It had saved him countless times. He chuckled thinking of how along with his girlfriend, the Fire Lord had also lost an extremely capable candidate for the Royal court. If not as Fire Lady, then at least as a Minister. If Mai had been taking care of things on his behalf, he wouldn’t have been worried in the slightest.

Suddenly Mai jolted awake and sprung up from her pillow. She smacked a hand to her mouth and scrambled out of bed hurrying to the bathroom.

Zuko looked up in alarm, ‘Mai?’ 

He abandoned the desk, hurrying after her.

She had managed to make it to the commode, her head pointing into the bowl as she hurled up all the food she had eaten earlier.

Zuko knelt beside her, rubbing her back and comforting as she heaved into the bowl throwing up any remnants of food in her body.

‘It’s okay,’ he reminded, constantly. ‘Get it all out.’

He gathered her hair, pulling it back and holding it in his hands to avoid it from falling into the commode or obstructing her face.

Shin had told him this could happen. He remembered to not panic, calmly helping Mai in anyway that he could.

She looked up after a minute or so, flushing the toilet, as she felt her body relax after rejecting the meal. Zuko had left for a second before returning with a bowl of warm water for her to clean up and another glass of water for her to drink.

She took the glass and gargled the water, spitting it back out. A horrible feeling was settling over her.

She wanted to be alone. She didn’t want him to see her like this.

But he was there. And he was wiping her face with a warm, wet towel.

He helped her up, assisting her back into her room. She sat down on the mattress, with her head in her hands while Zuko went to open the windows to let in some fresh air.

When he came back to her, her shoulders were scrunched together while she sniffled into her hands.

‘Hey, it’s okay,’ he said, kneeling behind her and rubbing her shoulders.

She shook her head, weeping quietly into her palms. She hated how weak she felt. She hated how helpless she felt. She needed someone to feed her, bathe her, clean up after her and there were rarely times when she felt more dehumanised. The last thing she had wanted was for her loved ones to ever see her like this.

‘This is why I left,’ she sobbed, her voice still hoarse.

‘Why? Because I make terrible fruit mash?’ Zuko whispered in her ear.

She snorted at his unexpected and stupid joke; still wiping the tears that flowed freely down her cheeks.

Zuko didn’t want her to dwell on anything distressing just yet. Without asking any more questions, he gathered her hair and picked up her scarf that was discarded to the side.

He tried to do… _ something _ , that would keep her hair at bay. He had begun with a braid in mind but wasn’t sure if what he was doing was braiding at all.

‘I’m doing a very bad job, just so you know,’ he said, concentrating on not losing any of her hair along the way, as he twisted and turned and tucked it. 

Despite the fact that she could feel the sloppy movements of his hands, she sat still - complying. Happy to keep her tear-stained face turned away for now. 

‘Good to know,’ she giggled again, still wiping her face down with the back of her hands. But the tears just wouldn't stop. She could feel him struggling to secure her hair using the scarf as a hair tie. Zuko thought his tenderness would make her stop crying but it was only making matters worse.

‘I – Mai breathed in, her voice quivering. ‘I miss ma,’ she said before she could stop herself, and burst into tears, head buried in her palms again.

‘Oh, Mai,’ Zuko wrapped his hand around her, holding her close and nuzzling into the back of her shoulder. He understood the longing for a mother’s touch. Nothing could ever replace that.

He turned her towards himself and she threw her arms around him, weeping into his chest. ‘I want her so bad,' she husked, gasping for breath between her sobs. 

She just wanted her mother to be here. Right now. She wanted her mother to feed her her favourite dumplings. Her mother would know how to make her feel better instantly. She would braid her hair and bring her hot tea and sit beside her and knit so she wouldn’t be lonely.

She missed home. More than ever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just in case someone read this chapter as soon as I uploaded it - I ended up putting up a draft version of the chapter and updated it a little later. No plot changes, just smoother writing and typos/errors fixed. Sorry hehe.


	12. Chapter 12

Through the night, Mai’s temperature rose and fell, disallowing Zuko from resting too long for fear it might flare up at any point and need him to take her to the Healer. Shin had said to him that if Mai stayed stable through her second night, it would mean her chances of a quick recovery were pretty much guaranteed. This time, unlike the previous times she had fallen sick, things were a little bit tenser because so much of her energy was being drained in dealing with the shock and grief from earlier that her healing process would be affected.

Zuko stayed alert, rustling through his letters and paperwork, sitting by the window contemplating the strange turn of events and what it would mean for him and Mai (if it would even mean anything at all), and of course, vigilantly tending to Mai every time her temperature rose by even a degree.

But night slid by uneventfully, and when the sun rose up with Mai’s fever never once flaring up, Zuko almost wanted to collapse from relief and fatigue. He too, let himself take a quick nap with his head on her dining table and felt like he had passed out for a solid hour. Both of them snored right through daybreak until the sun shone brightly through the window.

He awoke suddenly, his sharp senses alerted when he heard shuffling outside the door of Mai’s home. He lifted his head off the table and saw shadows shifting outside. Some urgent whispers were exchanged. He squinted.

Then, a sheet of paper slid in through the bottom; a letter of sorts with a ‘sunflower’ drawn in wax colours on it. Then more followed. Sheet after sheet was being slid in one after another through the gap under her door.

Zuko yawned, straightening himself up. He walked to the door and pulled it open. Three children, peeping through the bottom while perched on all fours, shot up their heads to find Zuko peering down at them. They scrambled over one another to stand up.

‘Hello,’ the oldest girl said, trying to put on a brave face on behalf of her comrades. ‘Sorry, if we disturbed you. We wrote letters for Sifu Mai, but we were scared to knock so Hanem said we should slide through the door.’ She pointed an accusatory finger to the older boy.

‘Hey! That wasn’t my idea!’ Hanem put out his hand and tapped the girl on the head. The girl grabbed his hand and slapped it away.

Zuko looked over to the youngest girl of all, Chiya, who was tightly clutching the older one’s hand. She was staring at him expectantly. ‘Can we see Sifu Mai?’ she asked in a small voice.

He bent down and picked her up in his arms, turning around to she could look into the flat. The other children peeked around him for a glance.

A little glimpse of Mai’s dark hair peeked over the blanket’s top and through the forest of her hair one could see her eyelid glued shut.

‘See? She’s just asleep,’ Zuko said. ‘She’s going to be fine in no time.’

The boy whispered quietly from fear of waking her up. ‘She told us the last time she fell ill, that if she falls very sick someday, maybe they will take her away from here to make her all better and she might not ever come back to see us. So, we wanted to write her letters,’ the boy paused, shifting awkwardly on his feet. ‘Is she going to go away?’

Zuko couldn’t tear his eyes away from Mai who was peacefully sleeping. He could feel a growing constriction around his throat.

‘No,’ he choked. ‘She’s not going anywhere.’

‘I told you Shin and Gian can heal her!’ the older girl whispered excitedly. ‘Gian always knows how to heal my mom when she’s sick right away! That’s why I want to be a healer.’

‘ _I_ want to be a teacher like Sifu Mai,’ Chiya folded her hands in determination.

Zuko smiled, setting the kid down on the floor.

‘You guys should run along now, we don’t want to wake her up,’

The kids bowed, and taking a final look back at Mai, pattered down the stairs. Zuko bent down, gathering some fifteen-odd letter in his hands. Some more elegant that others. Some had a lot of words; others were able to express themselves through only pictures. 

* * *

‘What will you do after you graduate school?’ Mai asked as she handed the cold bottle of water back to Riku. She had just spent the whole afternoon hauling boxes in and out of the newly furnished Academy. Riku was helping her set up.

‘Idontknow,’ the young boy shrugged. His unruly hair falling into his eyes. ‘I wanna do anything that’s going to make me rich! I’m gonna take mom and move to the Upper Rung!’

‘You don’t want to help the people of the Lower rung?’ Mai asked, using the wooden kendo stick in her hand to move his hair off his face.

He batted away the stick. ‘Yeah. I’m gonna get super-duper rich, then I’ll buy houses for all my friends and we’ll _all_ be living in the Upper Rung.’

‘Why don’t you join the Earth King’s Ministry and make the Lower Rung just as good as the Upper Rung?’ Mai quizzed.

‘That’s not possible,’ Riku shook his head, snorting. ‘My dad used to say the Lower Rung is the same from when he was little, and it was the same when my father’s father was little too. It’s not gonna change.’

Mai was trying to think up arguments to get Riku to see her point of view but there was a sudden shift in tone. 

‘That’s why we need to get out of here, Mai. I wanna get out of here,’ the boys untrimmed hair curtained his eyes, casting a dark shadow over his face.

‘Riku –

‘When you leave, please take mom and me with you, Mai. Don’t leave us behind.’

‘I’m not going anywhere,’ she replied a little hesitantly, feeling uneasy at the sudden flip in his demeanour.

‘Please take us with you. Don’t leave us here. Not here.’ Riku reached out and grabbed her wrist and Mai could see his hands were bloody.

There was a loud grunt and Mai's eyes flew open in a frenzy. She sat up in her mattress and gawked around, breathing heavily. She was still in her flat, and she had just heard Zuko hiss loudly in the kitchen.

‘Dammit,’ he exclaimed, followed by more hissing. 

‘Are you okay?’ she asked, her voice was soft but Zuko had heard it.

‘Don’t worry about it!’ he called. ‘Just sliced my hand open,’ he muttered under his breath while running his hand under water. Easily, the worst part of this situation was all the cooking he had taken upon himself.

Mai propped herself up, leaning with her back to the wall as Zuko continued tinkering away in the kitchen. She noticed a pile of letters to the side of her bed, neatly collected into a heap. Her students had sent well wishes; she could recognise Shiroh’s misspelling of ‘Soon’ right on the top of the pile.

She wasn’t sure she could handle going through them just yet, so she pushed them away from the mattress until they were out of reach.

Zuko walked out of his kitchen, wearing an apron he had borrowed from Mimi, the caretaker, carrying a little tray in his hand. His hair loosely knotted behind him to keep it out his face. Instantly, it pulled a weak chortle from Mai because the sight was comical to say the least. Surely, if any one harboured suspicion that Zuko was the Fire Lord, this sight would have convinced them otherwise.

He acknowledged her smile with an eyeroll, setting the tray down in front of her with a little flourish. But Mai reached out, taking his haphazardly bandaged hand first.

‘What did you do?’ she asked, her hollowed eyes smiling kindly, yet concerned.

‘I did not expect the grater to fight back,’ he sighed.

She snorted and turned her attention to the little spread. A tall glass of reddish-juice, and some honey biscuits from the Jasmine Dragon.

‘I was instructed to give you more boiled vegetables and fruits, so I took pity on you and decided to juice them. Never doing that again.’ He said, standing up as Mai took the glass in her hand. ‘Unless you ask. Then I will do it again.’ He added defeatedly. 

‘You know, Zuko,’ Mai said quietly. ‘You really don’t have to do all this. Mimi and Shin can take care of me, I know you have to get back to –

‘I’ve been gone long enough,’ he cut her off abruptly, walking over to the table. Then, a little more cheerily, he added, ‘Plus I’ve turned your table into my home-office. Change of scenery is always recommended. I hope you don’t mind.’

Mai glanced at the table stacked with documents and sheets and letters, he really had moved base our of her half-apartment. She felt her heart fill up to the seams and she knew that if she tried to speak even a word, there would be tears.

Instead, she took a sip of the juice and scrunched her nose at him. While juices were her favourite mode of consumption ever since her diagnosis, it was fun to get a rise out of him.

‘Not going to hear it,’ Zuko raised his hand, sitting down at the table, apron still on.

‘Why is it so red?’ Mai asked, raising her eyebrows at him. ‘Maybe you need to throw this out –

‘It’s beetroot, not blood,’ Zuko said without raising his head from the sheet in front of him. ‘Poor excuse.’

Mai smiled coyly, bringing the juice to her lips again.

Zuko was avoiding the topic that he needed to bring up to her as he scanned the sheet in front of him, but he knew he ought to say it and be done with it. He took a deep breath, beginning with the easier of two news.

‘Shi Fen has been very cooperative, we’ve made a lot of progress with intel,’

‘That’s good,’ Mai replied. ‘I’m glad.’

‘You were right about the docks. He said the cartels ship out their drugs from there,’ Zuko continued. ‘The go-down we saw that day matched the descriptions General Mak gave me from what Shi Fen said.’

‘Oh,’ she said. ‘What will you do now?’

‘I don’t know,’ Zuko sighed, dropping the sheet onto the table. ‘I’m not sure we can do a lot except take our findings to the Earth King. If the Fire Nation takes an aggressive step within the Earth Kingdom, best case scenario it will turn relations hostile. Worst case they will interpret it as call for war.’

‘But the Earth King won’t do anything with the information,’ Mai replied, her tone unchanged but the bitterness was seeping into her words.

‘I hate that my hands are tied, but they are,’ Zuko responded. ‘But I promise you we’re not going to leave it at just turning in our report, I’m going to demand action. I’m going to build political pressure on the Earth King.’

Mai simply nodded, sipping her juice. He knew she was disappointed, but there was only so much he could do at the moment. 

Her mood had darkened, but Zuko couldn’t stop now. Best to get everything out of the way in one go. 

‘Also,’ he said quietly, not looking up from his desk. The tone of his voice made her grip her glass harder as she braced herself.

‘Shin came over earlier and said they were giving Riku a proper burial today. It’s a private ceremony. Just his mother and two or three other relatives.’

He didn’t turn to look at her, not because he didn’t want to, but because he knew she didn’t want to deal with having to put on a face for him. She wouldn’t have to pretend she was okay if he never met her gaze.

‘Okay,’ was all he heard her say.

He continued with his work in silence while Mai finished her drink. He heard her shuffle and slide back under covers, staring up at the ceiling. She lay awake for a long time, staring up, her hands clasped tightly in each other over her stomach. She was lost in thought, occasionally chewing her lower lip. He knew her mind couldn’t move on from the things he had told her.

She hadn’t even touched the biscuits in the tray. Which Zuko had initially thought of withholding from her as a reward for finishing her juice. Almost an hour passed of Zuko looking up occasionally from his paperwork and he always found her staring straight up, fidgeting her fingers. If the crowds in the street were to fall dead silent, he was sure he could hear the gears of her mind churning. 

He got up from the desk, deciding that offering commentary on four different proposals since morning was good progress. He stretched out his legs and hands, walking up to the window and pushing it wide open. The late afternoon breeze flooded into the room. 

‘Wanna play Pai sho?’ he asked. Mai turned to the table and was a little taken aback to not find him there, she had not even realised he had gotten up and opened her window. She rolled her eyes back to find Zuko standing behind her, then quietly shook her head. 

‘Shall I read to you?’ he offered. He did not want to leave her alone with her thoughts.

Mai didn’t say no immediately, and he jumped at the chance. He picked up a book from a chair, ‘I’ve been reading this one from your collection. The Illegitimate Chieftain. Quite interesting.’

‘How far are you?’ she asked softly.

‘Pouruk’s dad just announced he was remarrying that woman from Darkening Heights,’ Zuko replied, flipping the page to where he had managed to read to through the nights in a bid to keep himself up.

‘Wasn’t that so shitty of him to do?’ Mai asked.

Zuko stepped over Mai’s torso onto the other side of the mattress and slid down the wall, sitting down beside where she lay, facing her.

‘I get it, I guess,’ he shrugged, folding his legs underneath him. ‘The chief wants to reassure the people he has their best interests at heart, but I understand that his son, Pouruk, feels neglected.’

‘I think Pouruk needs to pick up the sickle his mother left him in her will, and hack his father to death,’ Mai sulked.

‘Morbid,’ Zuko commented, adjusting in the small space.

As soon as he was set, she lifted herself off the pillow, and not waiting for formalities, plopped her head down into his lap.

This is how they would usually read together, one of their head’s in the other’s lap, eyes scanning the pages while the other read aloud.

He placed the book in front of her with his arm going over her shoulder and began narrating. Pouruk was finding out that his legitimacy as the Chieftain’s son was in question. He could see that Mai’s eyes were scanning over the sentences on the sheet. He tried to read aloud with a balanced amount of drama, not too theatrical but definitely with some added spirit. He decided that young Pouruk was slightly more dramatic than his father, who required a little more finesse.

He wasn't too successful in his attempt to distract Mai. She had zoned out over the pages. And even though Zuko was reading the story he could see from the corner of his eye that her hands were fumbling with each other over her stomach again. Fidgeting and restless. He kept reading, but her attention was not on his words. She had taken the opportunity of Zuko being pre-occupied with the book and slipped back into her troublesome musings from before.

He switched mid-paragraph and began reading again from the top of the page. Mai didn’t notice, still keeping up her act but her fingers were scratching on her skin with some determination. He thought she would draw blood with her rough anxious strokes.

He reached out and broke up her hands, clamping his fingers around hers. She was jerked out of her train of thoughts.

‘Why don’t you read?’ he asked.

‘I –

‘Please. I’m kind of sleepy,’ Zuko prodded, brushing his thumb over the reddened area on her knuckles that she had been scratching.

She sighed, and began reading from the top of the page again. Her raspy tones travelled through the quiet room and while Zuko didn’t think he was actually sleepy, soon his head was drooping onto his shoulder. Mai found herself absorbed in the story. She was returning to this book after a long time and she was happy to be thinking, for the first time in three days, of something that wasn’t the concept of mortality.

Zuko’s snores were and had always been, an ideal background noise to her reading sessions. Even as the protagonist of her book painfully struggled to accept his new father’s new wife and hold on to the memories of his mother, Mai smiled softly as her eyes ran over the pages. For the first time in three years, there was someone else in her room. She had gotten so tired of living alone. She had gotten so tired of wanting her friends, and family and Zuko around. Gotten so tired of feeling like she was a ghost.

There wasn’t a lot for her to be happy about right now. She had been a hair’s breadth away from losing everything she had built for three years to a violent attack but with Zuko with her, she wanted to forget about the bad and focus on him. It was, after all, only a fleeting moment. 

And so, the way Pouruk held onto his identity as the Chieftain’s son, Mai held on to Zuko’s hand in hers, threading her fingers through his, pulling his hand over her stomach.

He opened his eyes sometime later, and realised that evening was starting to set in. Mai was still in his lap, reading the book.

‘You’re awake,’ she said quietly, sensing his motion.

‘I was listening,’ he lied.

‘How?’ she asked. ‘I wasn’t even reading out loud.’

‘Oh,’ he said, clicking his tongue in embarrassment. She took the book and tapped him over the head with it. ‘You were snoring.’

He yawned as he lifted her off him. ‘Gonna go cook,’ he announced, realising for the first time as he was getting up that his fingers had been tangled in hers this whole time.

‘Wow,’ Mai clutched the book to her chest. ‘If only I’d known it was going to be this way. You cooking and cleaning for me.’

‘Your kitchen is a royal mess,’ Zuko informed. ‘I can’t clean for shit.’

He was thinking of ways to cook up some kind of basic, solid preparation, confident that Mai could take proper food now. As he was tying the belt of the apron around his back, there was a knocking on the door.

He flung open the door, praying to Agni that it wasn’t his soldiers or General Mak, because he had been too lazy to take off the apron. His prayers were answered. Mimi the caretaker, had come to deliver quite a few things. Some packed food and some things that Zuko had ordered via his guards. 

She handed him the bags, peeking in to say hi to Mai and letting her know the kids were safe and doing well. Zuko placed all the bags on the table as Mai quizzed her about each kid’s well-being individually.

Zuko dug through the bags as the caretaker left, closing the door behind her, he was looking for something specific.

‘Ah-hah!’ he said, pulling out a big burly fur coat.

‘Agni,’ Mai muttered under her breath as he brought over the dirt-coloured monstrosity over to her.

He put the coat around her shoulder, helping her slip her arms through the holes. ‘You didn’t have anything warm in your closet.’

She looked so small, hidden in the layers of the large fur coat, her face scrunched in a little pout from being stuffed into a hide.

‘Cute,’ he commented.

‘Please don’t tell me you picked this,’ she droned.

‘I didn’t, but it’s exactly as per the descriptions I gave,’ Zuko smiled in satisfaction.

‘It’s so ugly,’ Mai replied.

‘That’s cause it’s on you,’ he got up and walked over to the table. Unravelling the packets of packed food.

She rolled her eyes.

His eyes scanned the note attached to the package of food and his smile faltered. Without saying a word, he took it inside the kitchen to plate it for Mai.

He came back and handed her the steaming plate of fried rice. ‘It’s servings of the food served at Riku’s funeral.’

Neither of them made eye contact with each other, both choosing to look down at the food. Gingerly, Mai took the plate in her hands, placing it on her lap and staring at it. Food from a funeral was shared with well-wishers, close friends and family. And while Mai didn’t want to make the mistake of taking this as forgiveness, she felt a heavy weight lift from her chest and immediately tears pooled in her eyes. She had missed the food from Riku’s house. Despite her inability to taste, there was a deep, relieving sense of comfort and she clung onto every morsel. She spooned the rice into her mouth, as tears spilled over her cheeks. She wanted to drown in it. She wanted to drown into the golden, untouched memories of him. 

Zuko took off his apron and walked out of her flat, leaving her alone. He knew she needed her space and Zuko had been around her so much he understood that she would appreciate a break. 

He needed the space himself. A good walk would help him clear his mind.

He walked across the Academy floor and the children were out, reading. They smiled and waved at him and he waved back. He walked down to the market and got himself a pair of the roast duck rolls that Mai had gotten them on his very first day. That felt like ages ago now.

He strolled back, enjoying the freedom of anonymity. Something he never had in the Fire Nation. He was always surrounded by guards, hounded by citizens. Then suddenly he would be all alone in the large, large castle.

The Lower Rung had recovered so quickly from the happenings, that a newcomer might’ve never guessed anything morbid had taken place in the past few days. But then again, being able to grieve was a privilege. 

He couldn't help but think about how Mai had recovered so quickly and while it was the best possible news, it also meant he had no more excuses to stay beside her. If it was up to him, he would confess to Mai how much he loved her and if she still didn't listen he would arrest her for breaking his heart and take her back with him regardless. Every time he thought of the idea of leaving her behind alone. In a place where she had enemies that wanted to see her dead, battling with a life-threatening illness, he just wanted to leave the throne and stay behind.

But he couldn't do that. 

He kicked a rock in the middle of the street. He knew Mai loved him. Clearly, she did. He had never stopped loving her for even one second and to think that despite all this, despite their love having weathered war, banishment, betrayal and separation they still couldn't be together was a tragedy the depths of which Zuko did not think he could even fathom. But it was reality he had to live with. 

Zuko reached the Academy, after taking an hour-long stroll in the streets. He had brought over two extra rolls like he had seen Mai do and took them to the old man and his dog. He handed both to the man as the dog circled around his legs. But before Zuko could leave, the man spoke.

‘I know who you are,’

His voice was hoarse from disuse and his eyes were twinkling at him. 

‘You do?’ Zuko asked with raised eyebrows.

‘You’re the youth that wants to change the world. You are like her,’ the man pointed to the Academy behind him. ‘You are like me when I was young.’

There was a moment's pause, then the man began cackling. He laughed at his words, clutching his stomach. He laughed and laughed as Zuko slowly backed away.

‘Change!’ the man yelled, still laughing as he slapped his knee in glee. Tears spilling from his eyes.

Zuko decided he didn't want to stick around. He rounded the corner and entered the Academy, trying to not think of the odd encounter as he made his way back to Mai.

The door creaked a little as he dislodged it and swung it open. The house was a little darker than before and Mai was laying on her side with her eyes shut. He could tell from her tear-streaked face that she had cried herself tired. The fabric on her pillow that nested her face was darker than her rest. 

The plate beside her mattress was clean, she had eaten every last bit. Zuko took off his shoes and jacket, and slid into the covers beside her, pulling the blanket up to cover them both. He wasn't sure what had come over him, but he reached over and placed his hand over her waist, pulling her close to him. He didn't want to hold back from her anymore.

She seemed to be awake, responding to him as she shifted, readily curling up into his contours.

He reached up and moved her hair out of the way; brushing his nose and lips to the nape of her neck. 

‘You’re back,’ she whispered groggily. It was an odd choice of words for her to proclaim her love to him, but then again Mai had never been very good with words. She knew she might not have been able to make it through these days without him and while her heart _felt_ unmendable, she knew it could be fixed. Only he could do that for her. 

‘Always,’ he murmured against her skin, and the vibration of his voice travelled from his lips, deep past the unfeeling layers of her flesh and striking a nerve deep down. It was such a new feeling. It felt like an electric charge. She hadn't known she could feel sound. What an obvious thought, but it's not like she had anyone to whisper words into her skin. But now she had Zuko. And he had found a way for her to feel him. 

She snuggled closer, pushing herself back into him. Craving him. She reached a hand up, caressing his ear while he continued to nuzzle into her neck. She felt a soft pressure on her shoulder and hoped that he had kissed her. Her eyes felt misty again. The pressure came in soft pecks. 

He hooked his foot over her calf, staking his claim on her as he tried to hold as much of her as close to him as possible. 

She felt extended. Like her body had melded with his. Like their skin and bones and blood were one. If he could feel, so could she. He whispered an 'I missed you,' into her skin. And while she couldn't feel his touch, every vibration of his words travelled along her spine and made her feel alive. 

They weren't static. They weren't locked. His hands roamed over her and their legs slid over each other, adjusting, conforming, unfurling together. All this time when she had stood beside him, and took his hand, and hugged him, he had felt nothing more than deadweight to her and she had accepted the longing for him to be her punishment. But now as he held tightly on to her, she could feel the pumping of his heart and she could hear the rushing of his blood as he brushed his lips along the curve of her ear and he felt so real. She took his hand and directed it to rest over her heart, to let him feel the constant drumming within her chest and show him that she was real too. She wasn't dead yet. 

His hand that lay underneath her neck twisted around her bare arm and tangled his fingers with hers again. He craved the burning imprint her fingers had left in his from the time she had held on to him when they were reading. His other hand reached up from her chest and cupped the side of her face that was away from him, lifting her face off the pillow and turning her towards him. He kissed her lowered damp eyelashes, and she let out a broken sigh from deep within. She had missed him more than it was possible to describe. How had she lied to herself for so long?

She wished the night would extend endlessly and that she would never have to leave his warm and peaceful embrace. She wished they could both stay suspended in this moment forever. She wished his fire would engulf her and burn away the pain. 


	13. Chapter 13

When Mai woke up, her hands aimlessly scanned the cold empty mattress beside her. She squinted, her eyes adjusting to the rays of the rising sun streaming through the window. Yawning, she turned away from the empty side of her bed and found that the door to her flat was open.

Zuko was sitting on the floor right outside her home, perched on the edge of the balcony that overlooked the Academy hall. It seemed he was meditating.

He had woken up before sunrise and decided it would do him good to focus his attention after everything that had been happening. It had also been a couple weeks since he had been practising his breathing exercises. It would serve him well to brush up his basics before meeting Uncle Iroh. Uncle had been his first Sifu ever and even today Zuko felt a need to impress him.

The Academy hall below him was empty and the half-opened shutters let in a cooling breeze into the gigantic hall.

He took in a deep breath, feeling the swirling motion of the wind in his chest as he tried to heat it up as much as he could. On his out-breath he released a gust that could at least melt ice. But the real challenge was that the next breath in, he had to make sure was as cold as possible. A simple enough exercise, but one not many Firebenders could master.

He heard a soft padding of feet on the wooden floor behind him.

‘Don’t burn my porch,’ came Mai’s quiet, raspy voice. She still strained to speak, but sounded much better. He looked up and the corners of his lips turned up involuntarily when he saw her freshened face, her hair neatly combed for the first time in days, and the fact that despite her earlier proclamation of hatred for the coat he had bought her, she had still put it on before stepping out.

‘You look like you’re better. Healthier.’ He noted.

Mai sat down beside him. ‘Practicing?’

‘Yeah,’ he said. ‘Hoping one of these days I’ll have a revelation on what to do and the power to breathe fire will hit me out of nowhere.’

‘There’s a block,’ Mai said. She didn’t know if there was a block. She was just repeating what she had heard Iroh say a million times to Zuko.

Zuko snorted. ‘No, but I actually _do_ know what the problem is.’

Mai raised her eyebrows, resting her head on her arms that lay like a bridge between her raised knees.

‘Remember how I said all my Firebending came from anger? I’m not able to completely shift. I know if I used my anger again I could do it, but I can’t give in. It’s harder to get it right with just technique and breath, but it’s the right thing to do,’ he replied.

‘I don’t like how much we’ve grown,’ Mai responded with a smile. Wisdom came with the burden of sadness.

She pulled her knees close to her chest, and Zuko, who had stopped meditation let himself relax. Both sat quietly, their thoughts occasionally interrupted by a crowing rooster.

Mai looked out through the half-raised grates of the Academy to the streets outside that were starting to light up with the early rays of the sun.

‘I’m sorry you had to find out like this,’ she finally spoke. It had been Zuko’s gracefulness that he hadn’t brought up this enormous hidden aspect of Mai’s life that she had shrouded in lies. It was only fair for Mai to bring it up first.

‘Me too,’ he replied without turning towards her. 

‘I just…didn’t know how to tell everyone,’ Mai didn’t know why she felt so defensive. ‘I didn’t want to talk about it. Talking makes it real. I didn’t want to accept it.’

‘Who else knows?’ He had wondered on many occasions, but knowing Mai, he was certain the answer wouldn’t be encouraging. 

‘Ma knows a little bit. She saw it happen the first time that I fell sick. But it wasn’t nearly as bad as it got in the following months when I was in the Earth Kingdom,’ She responded. ‘We spoke to many Healers in the Fire Nation and they all said anyone that might be able to help would be in Ba Sing Se.’

She sighed, ‘That’s why ma didn’t protest too much when I decided to take off. She knew I needed to get the help.’ Mai chewed her lip, before continuing, ‘But she also thinks I’m more or less completely healed. I thought I would tell her when I met her last, but I couldn’t bring myself to inform her that her daughter would have to be on medication for the rest of her life in order to stay alive.’

Zuko nodded softly. He understood.

‘Iroh knows,’ Mai added. ‘He’s the one that directed me to Gian. At first, I thought I would live somewhere in the Middle Rung but it made sense to move here because Gian knew how to treat me and the medicine had to be administered daily.’

‘Shin told me it had gotten better,’ Zuko had taken respite in that statement and yet couldn’t wrap his head around the fact that the way he had seen Mai now, was ‘ _better_ ’.

‘Because of the potion. It’s a disease not many people have and so not many healers know how to brew a stable potion. Gian and some other Healers have been working on an even-better potion. We recently heard that they’ve managed to find a more stable, more effective solution. One that might have to be taken with lesser frequency, and with lesser side effects -

‘Side-effects?’ Zuko cut her off, turning to look at her. 

Mai kept staring ahead, burying her hands inside her coat sleeves. She took a moment to brace herself while Zuko waited patiently with bated breath.

‘The medicine makes it so that I can’t feel anything.’

A moment passed as Zuko ran the statement through his mind a few times, coming up blank.

‘What do you mean?’ he asked quietly.

Another long, shaky, sigh.

‘I can’t taste things. I can’t feel hot or cold. I can’t feel pain from skin deep scratches and cuts,’ she pulled up her sleeve and pointed at the scars he had noticed earlier. ‘You might think that’s a good thing but I keep hurting myself randomly cause I can’t tell anymore.’

She had snickered but her laugh was filled with pain. ‘I can’t feel the cold, so I don’t wear jackets. I can’t feel the sun, so I never cover my arms. I can’t taste anything so I don’t keep spices in my kitchen. I sip my tea for hours because it doesn’t go cold.’

When she tore her eyes away from where they were transfixed ahead of her and turned towards him, Zuko could see the glistening unshed tears in her eyes.

His mind was racing with all the details he had noticed that were falling into place. The over-spiced rolls, the lack of warm clothing. He reached his hand up, caressing the side of her face, unable to fathom the kind of existence she had been leading away from them all.

Her voice choking as she leaned into his palm.

‘I can’t feel,’ she repeated, in quiet defeat. 

He raised his other hand, cupping her jaw and bringing her face up to him. Her eyes darted across his piercing gaze.

‘Not even this?’ he whispered, bringing his lips down on hers.

Mai felt like in the fraction of seconds between their lips met, she might have sent out a thousand prayers to the universe for a miracle, but when his lips were finally, _finally_ , upon hers – there was nothing. Their first kiss in the longest time, the moment Mai had thought might never happen again, the moment she had yearning for, was tainted.

Their lips moved together, but it was just pressure. She threw her hands around him, pulling him close, desperately wanting to feel him but it was underwhelming. She couldn’t feel his touch on her cheeks, she couldn’t feel the coarseness of his hair between her fingers, she couldn’t feel his breath, she couldn’t feel the wetness between their lips, she couldn’t feel his heat.

She should have been moaning in joy and pleasure but she could only sound her frustration and anger with a whimper, breaking away from him. He looked at her as she pushed herself back and the tears escaped her eyes. 

‘Mai,’ he gently pressed her cheeks, voice heavy with concern.

‘Nothing,’ she choked through her tears and moved his hands away. He felt his heart shatter as Mai turned away, wiping her tears into her sleeves.

‘I never thought I would crave the feeling of _water_. It feels like I’ve been thirsty for three fucking years. Fruit tarts feel like cardboard in my mouth,’ she choked back a sob. 

Zuko’s mind spiralled back to the Jasmine Dragon. She was eating jelly. She never ate jelly.

‘I haven’t taste ice cream in forever. I haven’t eaten anything in years. I’m just _sustaining_ ,’ she spat bitterly. ‘When I bathe, the water just feels like a suffocating blanket. When I step outside, I look at the way others are behaving to know what the weather is like.’

He didn’t think he could even begin imagining what her experience of the world was like.

‘I was so desperate to feel something that I picked a fight with a drunkard at the Spice Bowl just so he could punch me in the face and make me hurt.’

Zuko stayed quiet. He could tell this was the first time she was putting her thoughts into words. He didn’t want to stop her. 

‘I feel alive when I get a headache because I can feel the pain,’ her voice was pressed and her tears flowed freely. 

‘I can’t share this with anyone. No one knows what it’s like. It’s like being alive without any of the things that make life wonderful. No rain, no cold, no wind, no pain, no taste, no touch, no kiss.’

He reached his hand out, tucking away a strand of hair while she wept into her furry sleeve.

‘Can’t even feel these fucking tears. They’re somewhere on my damn face but I don’t know,’ she looked up and grabbed his hand that was resting on her shoulder, ‘I don’t know how warm you are. I can’t feel another person’s heat.’

That hit a spot in Zuko’s chest, painfully reverberating. She would forget her shawls, and he would warm her up. That was their thing. It was second nature.

‘Why me?’ Her voice cracked as she broke down into a fresh slew of tears. ‘I’m not like Ty Lee, I can’t look at the silver lining. I don’t fucking want to. I just want to feel again, I don’t want to make do. I want to live to the fullest. I don’t want to be a living corpse, I’m not strong enough. I can’t do this forever-

‘Mai, Mai!’ Zuko interrupted her frantic speech, holding her straight by the shoulders as she breathed heavily, trying to catch her breath between her sobs.

He leaned closer, resting his forehead on hers. 

‘You’re not dead. You’re so alive that you bring joy and happiness to others. You created something out of nothing. Corpses don’t do that.’

She continued to take in shaky breaths through her parted lips.

‘Shin said they were closer than ever in finding a better cure,’ he whispered. ‘I’m going to expedite the process. I’ll get the best healers; I’ll pay them whatever they want. We’re going to fix this.’

Mai knew it wasn’t as easy as that but his words were comforting. She felt like a weight had been lifted off her chest now that he knew. She felt safe and she felt heard.

‘This is why I love living in the Lower Rung,’ she sighed, soaking up the last of her tears into her sleeves. ‘People here feel emotions very strongly. And often they do it on behalf of their friends and family. It’s so different from the Fire Nation. It off-puts the numbness of my life. Plus, the kids. I just can’t give up on them. Not now.’

Zuko braced himself. ‘I understand Mai, but please, come back with me. Let us take care of you. I can’t leave you here like this. We will find the best healers. The best ingredients. We’ll make you as good as new. I can’t go back knowing you’re going to be here at the danger of this happening again.’

His words were underlined with a desperate persuasion because he knew convincing Mai was not easy. He spoke up again before she could object. 

‘I promise this doesn’t have to mean anything between us. I just want you back in the Capital with your mom and in a place that we can take care of you.’

Mai sniffled as she dramatically rolled her eyes, ‘That’s a bummer.’ Her painfully sardonic sense of humour shone through her suffering.

Zuko’s eyes softened as he caught himself snorting at her words.

‘It could mean something too,’ he jested in response. ‘The offer is always extended from my side.’

She shook her head, smiling. Then turned wistfully away to look out of the Academy grates. ‘Okay. I’ll come back.’

Zuko’s eyebrows shot up in surprise. He did not expect it to be this easy. ‘Will you really?’

‘I want to,’ she nodded. ‘I want to get better because there’s a lot I want to do, I need to be healthy for that.’

‘I’m so relieved to hear that, Mai –

‘But just not right now. I need to make sure these kids pass their entrances; we’ve come so far. I can’t abandon them now. Give me six months. And I will come back.’ She added sternly. 

Zuko swallowed his words. Obviously, there was a catch. He looked down at his palms, kneading his fingers together.

Six months was still better than never.

‘I can live with that,’ he replied. ‘I’m just so glad you agreed. I know we can fix this.’

Mai felt her heart skip a beat. Why did she forget how good it felt having someone care for you this much? Why did she let herself forget she had people who would lay down their lives for her?

Zuko’s eyes grew wide as Mai threw her head onto his chest, her hands going around his other arm and locking him. She was still weak; he knew her grip was stronger than this.

He raised his hand up, with the minimal functionality that he was granted in her grasp and stroked her head.

‘Keep that offer extended,’ she said quietly, and he knew she was smiling.

Then, before Zuko could get over his joyous-surprise and think up a clever quip with which to respond, he heard Mai sigh in the same dramatic fashion he had always been used to, and despite her attempt at feigning disapproval, he could hear that her smile had only gotten bigger. ‘Your heartbeat just increased. You’re so ridiculous.’

* * *

She still needed to rest a few more days before she could return to her regular activities. She was still very weak and needed to take the double-strength potion for a few more days. She could walk around and sit up but would get tired easily and nap a lot.

Obviously, Zuko stayed. He had moved most of his work into Mai’s home and was trying his best to make up for his absence through his work. However, it was not the same. He knew his soldiers and ministers were getting uneasy. He was on borrowed time and wanted to make the most of it.

He spent as much time with Mai as possible. He asked her about her life in the Lower Rung and she obliged, filling in all the hazy details about the time she had moved. Zuko began telling her about all the things he had done in the three years she wasn’t around.

There was never a dearth of things to discuss. If they weren’t reminiscing, they were arguing about which theatre production managed to do the worst rendition of Love Among the Dragons. If they weren’t sharing intimate details about their lives, they were sitting across the floor from one another competing with their drawing skills and seeing who could produce a better portrait of the other person. And other times, when they were both tired and words felt heavy on their tongues, they would quietly continue Pouruk’s story together before falling asleep entangled with each other.

Zuko had stepped out shopping, the very next day and brought back a bunch of food items for Mai. He had tried his best to pick up items with different textures and steer away from dry-flaky things like tarts and stocked up on cream, and jelly and mochi.

He noticed she would always keep the sweetest things and savour them just before she took her medicine at night. He pointed it out and Mai said that sometimes, just before she renewed the depleting potion in her body there was a possibility that some sensation returned in that brief period. She had felt the faint cold sink of her bathroom in the few seconds before she went numb again and sometimes if she was lucky, she could taste the mellow sweetness of the honey tea she brewed just before she had to shut herself out again.

Zuko still couldn’t willingly watch Mai retch every time she took her dose. But he did insist on kissing her before she did, after which he would turn away and look the other way.

The first time, she had been uncorking the vial when he walked up to her and without warning, drew his hands around her, tilted her chin up and back towards him, catching her lips in his. She might have been caught a little off-guard, but it didn't even take her a second to give in to him, happy to relish their kisses as much as she could.

Zuko knew it wasn’t the same for her, but maybe, he had argued in his head, she could feel him a little more if he kissed her in those moments before she had to take her medicine?

‘What was that for?’ she asked, smiling whimsically at him as he parted from her, running his thumb along her lower lip. 

‘Good luck,’ he shrugged, tasting the honeyed syrup of the pastry Mai had just had on his own lips.

* * *

A day or two passed, and all was still. The Earth King’s guards posted outside the Academy were getting bored, the area seemed secure and business was back to normal.

Zuko had a slightly more difficult time believing that all the threat was gone even as Mai tried to convince him that the attack had been mostly just a scare tactic.

He demanded daily written surveys from General Mak, and dutifully went over them each morning with the rest of his briefings. Sometimes he would look up from his work and catch Mai looking over at him.

She would smile and him and wonder if this was what life would have been like they weren’t nobility. If this was what things could have been like if she had stayed.

Zuko got up from his spot and walked over to her, her smile helping him decide that it was time for a break. Mai had been sketching into an empty pad for some time. He glanced over at the sheet and was surprised to find something that looked like an architectural sketch.

He turned his neck, looking closely at the image and realised she was drawing the go-down that they had visited together. The one that was almost confirmed to be holding the illegal shipments.

His eyes widened a little. ‘Mai –

She handed the sketch over to him. ‘Thought it might help.’

Despite everything, she hadn’t stopped thinking about the whole mess. But he could hardly blame her.

‘Don’t worry,’ she said, sensing his discomfort. ‘I assumed General Mak would find it helpful if you guys ever decide to raid the place.’

‘We’re probably not going to raid it,’ Zuko replied, looking down at the image in his hands. He was worried about letting Mai down, he knew what all this meant to her. But he couldn’t lie. 

‘Even if the Earth King refuses to look into the matter?’

‘That’s not an option,’ Zuko reassured. ‘I’m going to make sure he does. I’ll be relentless.’

‘That will take too much time,’ Mai’s voice rose in pitch. ‘Why do Riku’s mom and all the other people that have been wronged have to wait so long for justice?! What if- what if, something else happens to one of the other kids, I –

Zuko stayed quiet. He didn’t know what to say. Things took time and this wasn’t like the old times before when he could just walk in and pick a fight. He had a lot more to consider now.

‘I’m sorry,’ Mai quietened, raising her hands and massaging her temples. ‘I know you’re trying. I trust your judgement.’

‘Riku will get justice,’ he responded, placing his palm comfortingly on the top of her head.

The door flew open as Shin, along with a mountain of things in his hands, wobbled through the door.

‘Delivery for Sifu Mai,’ he announced, dumping the bags onto the table. He caught his breath as he stood by the table, taking a swig from the jug of water placed there. ‘There’s a bunch of food from everyone in the neighbourhood. The children also sent some things. Chiya was kind enough to part with her favourite doll, she said it will help you feel better.’

‘Thanks, Shin,’ Mai smiled as he walked up to her. ‘How’s Riku’s mom?’

‘She’s…managing,’ he replied slowly, not sure he knew there were words that existed to explain the plight of a woman who had lost her child, her only family.

Zuko had risen from beside Mai to go sort the things Shin had brought with him. He nodded courteously at the man before walking away.

‘Feeling better?’ Shin asked, placing two fingers on Mai’s wrist to check her pulse.

‘Much,’ she replied. ‘Take me off the double-strength.’

‘Say please,’ Shin replied, gently tugging on the skin beneath her eye to check the health of her pupils. 

‘Please,’ Mai obliged.

‘No,’ he said. ‘You need to take it for some more time. You need the strength.’

‘You’re overcompensating because you didn’t think Gian should have weaned me off the medicine,’ Mai grumbled.

‘Interesting. Which Healing school did you graduate from Mai?’

‘I’m strong again,’ Mai rolled her eyes.

Instantly her face drew into a wince and she let out a hiss as Shin landed a punch on the side of her arm.

‘That’s what I thought,’ he said, a smug grin decorating his face. 

‘Cheap shot,’ Mai rubbed her arm, eyeing him furiously.

‘Yes,’ Shin agreed, still satisfied with having proven his point. He looked at Zuko as he began making his way out, ‘Make sure she’s taking out of the round-bottomed vials.’

‘Will do,’ Zuko tipped his head.

It was true that while Zuko had begun with resentment for Shin, he couldn’t deny that in retrospect he was happy that he had been there for Mai all this time that she was away from the Fire Nation. It was obvious he cared deeply for her.

Zuko began taking the food out of the bags. He was focused on bundling them together in a way that they would efficiently fit into Mai’s kitchen drawers. He had separated the drawers into categories of fresh food, groceries, snacks for his own convenience and was trying to sort the food in front of him. He grunted as he tried to balance the boxes the best he could in his arms; a stray piece of hair had come undone and was tickling his nose.

Mai giggled at the sight in front of her, then sighing dramatically said, ‘Oh, if I only knew it was going to be this way.’

He rolled his eyes, dumping the boxes into their designated spots in the drawers.

When he came back out, Mai had gotten up from the mattress and was making herself comfortable on a chair in the centre of the room. She had only ever sat or laid on the floor mattress for the past four days and it felt so refreshing to see her sit up.

‘Come here,’ she said, pointing at the floor. ‘Let me do your hair. You can’t keep lumping it into a messy bun and hoping it will keep out of your eyes.’

Zuko sighed, he had been doing precisely that. His hair would fall into his eyes every minute or so as he pored over the sheets of paperwork and he had would then tuck it back into random places. It was not an efficient system for sure.

He sat down on the floor in front of her as she began to undo his messy lump of hair.

‘It’s because I don’t use any ties or clips. I’m too lazy for that,’ Zuko complained.

‘You don’t need ties,’ Mai said, finger combing his hair. She demonstrated a fairly easy technique where she managed to use a section of his own hair to knot the rest of it. Zuko was amazed at the simplicity of it, especially that the tip was coming from Mai whose own hairstyles were far from simple.

‘Or,’ Mai continued. ‘I have a better idea.’

He felt her hands move swiftly along his scalp, sectioning his hair and working them into whatever style she was doing. Her adept fingers felt relaxing and Zuko felt hi shoulders release tension and he let them slump, resting his head back into the wood of the chair she was sitting on.

‘Mai?’

‘Yeah?’

‘Shin is so good to you. He’s a great guy,’ Zuko’s voice was low. ‘Why don’t you love him?’

‘He _is_ a great guy,’ Mai agreed, as her nails tenderly scratched against his scalp. He heard her shuffle, bending down as she spoke quietly beside his ear, ‘But he’s not you.’

Even if Zuko did think words were necessary in this moment, he wouldn’t know which ones to use.

‘There,’ she announced, patting his head as she finished her experiment.

Zuko reached his hand up and found his hair knotted into two top knots on either side. He rolled his eyes realising she had given him her signature ‘Mai-do’. He heard her snickering behind him and turned to look at her. When her eyes met his unimpressed gaze, it only heightened her laughter. He hadn’t seen her smile in so long, that watching her laugh now felt like a cool breeze had washed over him. Her eyes were crinkling at the sides as she shook her head at him, the same way it had on that first day when he had seen her with her students.

He too broke into a soft laugh.


	14. Chapter 14

As soon as Mai had achieved basic mobility, she was itching to get back to her work.

She insisted the children had had too many days without serious practice and that she still had to figure out a way to ensure that the Academy and children stayed safe from Taiko, now that the Earth King’s guards had completed their four-day obligatory station outside the Academy.

Zuko wasn’t against it. He knew she depended on external stimulants to cope with everything that was going on with her. He could see she was repressing how she felt about Riku and her illness, and the attack and everything else having not wanted to discuss any of it with anyone, not even him. Being with the children would make her feel better.

Something else that was helping her feel more at ease was that everyday people from the neighbourhood would make hot meals and send them over with attached notes wishing her a quick recovery. Despite the blame that Riku’s mom had put on her (and Mai understood that she didn’t mean it), she found forgiveness in these gestured for a crime she did not commit.

Zuko felt otherwise. He could feel himself physically heat up each time he thought of the way the elders of the Lower Rung had abandoned Mai when she needed their support. She had stood up to Taiko for one of their own and they had asked her to swallow her pain and step away for their sake.

They didn’t know what Mai was like before; they didn’t know how much she had changed for them. Mai had reasoned that the people didn’t owe her anything and Zuko, instead of arguing with her, would simply swallow his anger and serve her the food. If it made her happy, he wasn’t going to rain on it.

Especially when he knew he should be hurrying back. This short roller-coaster of a time he had spent with Mai was coming to an end.

He watched as her shoulder gently rose up and down, perfectly in sync with her relaxed deep sleepy breaths. He reached his hand up to her hair that sat neatly in a bun on the pillow only inches away from his face where she lay in front oh him. His fingers smoothly undid the knot on the scarf and her hair unravelled, undramatically spilling into the cushiony space between them.

Parting from her was difficult. He was afraid something would go wrong. He was afraid to let her go again. Every time the thought crossed his mind, he vehemently tried to push it further back.

He could start with moving out of her house and back into the rented space across the Academy. Slowly increasing the space between them. Anything to stretch his time here by even a day or two. But no more than that. He had responsibilities back home. Responsibilities apart from Mai.

At least if he moved out of her flat, he would be able to reconvene his meetings with his soldiers and General Mak with greater ease there and would be able to take on some more work, while also having Mai only an arm’s length across from him.

And so, it was decided. Mai, also knew his return was close and did not try to stop him.

After Shin had strictly refused her appeal to take classes normally in the Academy, she had chosen to invite the children over in small batches and take their classes right from her tiny living room. The door to her house was always open and kids kept tottering in and out at odd hours lighting up her gloomy home and Zuko could see how happy it made her.

He pledged that if, no _when_ , she was finally back in the Fire Nation, he wasn’t going to let her lose this side of her. No matter how much she resisted and tried to revert to her old self (and he knew she would), he had seen what she could be like away from the harsh realities of the Fire Nation and he was going to do his best to make her that way right in her hometown.

Once he moved across the street from her, they obviously weren’t spending every waking hour together. Zuko had been buried in work while Mai took her classes, and later decided to visit his camp outside the walls. Yet, they made a point to have their meals together.

He had only just begun signing off on the new set of documents that had arrived that morning when he caught a glimpse of Mai from the window of his abode that overlooked the street. She was crossing the road towards his apartment with what looked like a bundled hot meal in her hand.

This was the first time Mai was coming over instead of him going to her place.

‘You’re early,’ he said as the door clicked open and he heard her wiping her sandals on the foot mat. It was barely lunchtime yet.

‘Yeah,’ she took off the brown fur coat and tossed it onto a chair. ‘I went to see Gian and brought back some hot bao. Thought we shouldn’t wait until they’re cooled.’

‘Not because you wanted to spend more time with me then?’ Zuko clarified still scanning the document in his hand.

‘Obviously not,’ he heard her whisper close to his ear as her arms wrapped around his chest from behind.

He smiled down at his scroll. ‘I actually do have to finish this sheet, though. Give me some time.’

Mai sighed, separating from him. ‘Won’t bother you, My Liege.’

She dragged her feet over to the mattress and slumped down on to it against the wall.

She began picking the lint off the spare blanket she had given to Zuko. The blankets in the Palace were at least ten times warmer and cosier and less- _lintier_. 

‘Want to know what Gian said?’ she asked.

‘What did Gian say?’ Zuko asked absentmindedly.

‘He said I’m doing well. Wanted to test some ingredients from the new concoction recipe on me in case there is a bad reaction.’

‘Mhm,’ Zuko responded, but his mind was tangled far away into the world of diplomacy spelt out in the paperwork in front of him. 

Logically, Mai knew he needed to finish his work, but emotionally, she couldn’t accept that his attention wasn’t completely on her even on his last day or two in the Lower Rung. 

‘Hey,’ she said.

‘Yeah?’

‘Are you almost done?’

‘I’ll be done faster if you just give me ten minutes of quiet,’ Zuko responded.

‘Ten minutes. I’m counting.’ She folded her hands over her chest slumping further down the wall.

Maybe three minutes had passed before Mai lost her patience and rose from the floor. Maybe walking around the tiny space would help her pass the time better. She dragged her feet against the bamboo flooring.

Before the Academy had been constructed, this was the place Mai had taken up as her home. She would sit by the window that overlooked the street and watched the Academy be built from the ground up. Now, she used it to house the special trainers and teachers that agreed to take lessons for the students.

The flat used to belong to an old man who was leaving Ba Sing Se to return to his village after his wife passed away. Paintings that his wife had made had lined the walls and he had taken his favourites and left the rest behind. Mai hadn’t taken them down.

She ran her finger over a dusty canvas that showed an image of the Lower Rung docks as they might have looked years ago. No warehouses. No large ships. No smugglers. Just fishing boats. Her fingers traced the familiar stretch by the pier where she and Zuko had broken into. 

She turned around to look at him. He was completely absorbed by the document in his hand. Eyes quickly scanning the sentences for any clauses that would hurt the Fire Nation’s interests.

The bun Mai had taught him to make sat high on his head, neat for the most part but still requiring some finesse. She felt like she was more relieved that his hair wasn’t falling into his eyes every few minutes than he was.

Mai didn’t like being jealous of a piece of paper. The temptation to demand his attention was irresistible to her. 

She approached him at a languid pace and didn’t stop even as she got close. Without missing a beat, she pitched her one leg onto the other side of his chair, sitting down into his lap facing him.

He looked up from his sheet at her very physical distraction as she made herself at home in his arms, laying her head on his shoulder.

He raised an eyebrow at this rare clingy side of Mai, ‘I thought you were going to let me work?’

‘Please continue your work,’ she smiled into his neck, knowing full well he could not.

Zuko scoffed, unable to help the lopsided grin that crept up on his face. He adjusted his legs so she sat comfortably on them and his arms so he could have them around her while also looking at the scroll in his hands.

‘What’s the document about?’ Her breath felt ticklish on his neck.

‘We’re planning to buy some fifty-odd submarines from the Water Tribe. Just approvals for those,’ he responded quietly.

‘Hope you’re factoring in a best-friend discount from Chief Sokka,’ she smiled, trailing the tip of her nose along his neck up to the side of his ear.

‘Good idea,’ he nodded, trying to not let his mind wander too far from the topic of trade.

‘You know what else is a good idea?’ Mai smirked as her lips brushed over the outer curve of his ear, catching the sensitive skin of his earlobe gently between her lips.

‘I swear…’ Zuko chuckled at her tactics even as he felt the heat around his neck rising rapidly. Pretending to look down at the sheet was futile, he had lost track of what line he had been reading.

She joined him with her own raspy giggles, close enough to him that he felt the hairs on the back of his neck rise from her proximity.

He lifted her head off his shoulder with both palms on either side of her face, bringing her to look at him.

Her eyes were clear and striking, not murky and deadened as they had been when she was sick.

Mai wasn’t exactly known for her dazzling smile. Her smiles were short and restrained, they rarely contorted her entire face. Zuko didn’t mind though, bright, sunny smiles were overrated and overrepresented in paintings and poems anyway.

He liked the way it was with Mai. Rare. A challenge to get her to genuinely smile and a much more rewarding experience to finally see it. And when she did smile, you couldn’t find it in the same old – crinkled eyes and widened lips and rosy cheeks like everyone else’s. You had to look for hers.

You could find it when her otherwise sharp angular face would turn a little softer as her lips widened over her teeth and her cheeks would push up plumping up her face. Her eyes wouldn’t turn up and crinkle but they shone. Sparkly and alive.

‘What,’ she asked with a chortle as Zuko stared at her with his own stereotypically boring, eye-crinkling, dazzling smile.

‘Nothing,’ he shook his head, squeezing his palms on either side of her face, wishing he could collect her happiness and keep it safe with him.

All too soon, though. Their moment was broken when there was sudden loud crashing noise outside on the street, followed by a cry let out by a child.

Mai scrambled off Zuko’s lap, and they both rushed to the window.

People were gathered on either side of the main street, making way for Taiko and his men as they paraded down the road. Hopefully only back for their monthly tax-collection drive.

One of his men had toppled over a cart that was likely in his way which had resulted in a small child getting scared and bursting into tears. His mother was trying to quieten him while the old man whose cart had been attacked quietly accepted his fate, collecting his vegetables from the ground.

Mai’s fists clenched tightly beside her, her nails digging into her palms. She couldn’t hear what was being said, but she could tell Taiko was on his usual rampage to terrify and daunt and scare and extort. He went shop to shop, his men collecting their wages into a small bag, not hesitating to use violence on those that would not, or even could not pay up. Her eyes followed Riku’s killer as he gleefully trotted down the street.

She blamed only him for everything that had happened. Anyone else involved was working on his instructions. The man knew exactly what he was doing when he chose to prey on little children and get them addicted. They didn’t know better. Riku didn’t know better.

And still, he could’ve found the help he needed. He could’ve gotten better but he was put down because he came in the way of Taiko’s stupid games.

Mai felt like she might draw blood from her palm from the force with which her nails dug into her skin.

The man paused outside the Academy on his way back, standing on the steps and looking at the half-shut grates.

Zuko’s hand wrapped around Mai’s wrist worried that she would leave his side but Mai was glued to the spot, watching Taiko with bated breath.

She was scared.

Not for herself. She wasn’t scared of Taiko for herself. But try as she might, she could never take him down here. Not in front of the Academy. Not in her neighbourhood. She couldn’t risk even one more person getting hurt at his hands.

Taiko gave a final look at the Academy doors then saying his goodbyes to the terrified residents of the Lower Rung, left the streets.

‘The nerve,’ Mai said quietly and her voice quivered in rage. ‘Not an ounce of shame. After everything he’s done, he just walks around like nothing ever happened.’

‘Mai,’ Zuko whispered, tightening his fingers around her wrist. He could feel her fist tightening up.

‘If only there was a way to publicly out Taiko and his crimes so that the Earth King can no longer ignore it and _has_ to punish him if even to save his own credibility in the eyes of the larger public,’ she gritted. 

‘I don’t know if something like that would work –

‘Of course, it would,’ she responded firmly, her eyes still trained onto the Academy doors. ‘Even _you_ felt compelled to arrest Azula because it was what the public wanted, right? You didn’t want to put her in an institution but you had to because you had to prove yourself –

She stopped as she turned and was met with the blank look in Zuko’s eyes.

‘I’m sorry, I-I didn’t mean to bring up Azula like that,’ she said quietly. It wasn’t fair for her to do that to him. It wasn’t the same thing.

‘It’s …okay,’ he said but his voice was hollow.

She shouldn’t have said anything.

‘I’m going to head home for a bit,’ she blinked herself out of her reverie, freeing her hand from his.

‘Will you be okay?’ he asked as she picked up the jacket.

‘I’ll be fine,’ she forced a small smile. ‘I just need some time.’

* * *

Zuko couldn’t stick around in the apartment after that encounter either. He needed a serious distraction.

He left to go visit his soldiers and their camp again. As usual, General Mak was ready with his set of updates including all of the information Shi Feng had shared with them. It wasn’t a goldmine, but it was enough for Zuko’s special operations squad to begin digging for the real meat on how Ba Sing Se’s drug racket was funded and if there was any leverage that could be used to, for lack of a better word, _blackmail_ the Earth King into action.

But as he had expected, it was a lengthy process. Justice was rarely quick.

As he sat in the camp with General Mak, going over everything that was pending back in the Capital, Zuko realised he had to get a move on.

Before he could go back on his word, he decided to make up his mind.

‘I will leave the Lower Rung early tomorrow, General. Then I will spend most of the day with Uncle Iroh, he’s promised me a lesson and I want to get more detailed thoughts of his on our military strategies. After that we shall then leave for home,’ Zuko spoke getting up.

He ordered that the guesthouse he was supposed to be staying at be purchased as a safehouse for Mai. Whether or not she chose to use it was up to her, but he couldn’t keep himself from taking the utmost precaution on her behalf anyway.

‘Of course, Fire Lord Zuko. We will make the appropriate arrangements,’ General Mak had the process begin immediately.

Zuko still had a lot of work to complete at the camp. Lots of letters of highly sensitive nature were sitting waiting for him because they could not be risked being transported to him within Ba Sing Se.

It would get late by the time he returned.

He wrote Mai a short letter, telling her where he was and that he had solidified his return plans.

_‘Don’t wait up for me. At the camp. Enclosed details of a place I want you to use if you ever feel even slightly unsafe. Top security for you and anyone else you choose. Made plans to leave tomorrow and spend time with Uncle Iroh before heading back.’_

Could he have told this to her in person? Yes. But he had a feeling they would both prefer not having to share the moment of realisation that their time together (for now) had come to an end. Besides, he still doubted his resolve.

When Zuko finally returned, it had already been quite some time since the Lower Rung had shut down for the day. The usual clumps of people that ventured the streets at night had taken up their spots in the shadows - the misdirected youth, the unemployed men looking for relief in the wrong places, and the women of the night that tried to beckon Zuko close.

He didn’t want to disturb Mai in case she had gone to bed already and went straight up to his flat. With each step closer to the house the exhaustion from the day was beginning to catch up to him. He entered the house, shrugging off his jacket and was about to head straight to bed when he heard a tapping on his window.

The messenger hawk that was sent to deliver his message to Mai was tapping its beak to the window.

Zuko raised the shutter, letting the bird hop in and untied a note attached to the barrel around its neck. The bird fluttered into the house, as Zuko sat perched on the window sill unravelling the note, and began drinking out of the jug of water on the table.

_‘Okay. Please don’t leave before breakfast. I want to spend that with you.’_

Zuko picked up a pen and scribbled an _‘Absolutely. I’ll cook.’_ onto the paper and tying it to the hawk again sent it back to the Academy.

He didn’t expect to receive an answer. She was probably asleep at this hour but he left the window open and sat down onto the mattress looking out at the night sky.

Sure enough, in a few short minutes, the hawk was flying back towards him.

Zuko raised his forearm for the hawk to fly right in and land right by him, he scrambled to undo the fresh note Mai had sent. 

_‘Wanted to keep it a surprise but I also want to share so I’m going to keep it a semi-surprise - I have the bestest news in the world. Well, for me, at least.’_

Zuko’s head snapped up as he looked out of the window. The clear night sky had no clues as to what Mai’s news might be. He jumped off the mattress in excitement before his eyes wandered down to the line she had written at the end of the note.

_‘Don’t come over, idiot. It’s past midnight.’_

Zuko almost stomped his feet in annoyance. She knew him too well.

_‘What news? Tell me now.’_

The bird squawked at Zuko at being made to work so hard, constantly flying between buildings that were only a few hundred meters apart.

‘Treats when you’re back,’ he soothed the angry messenger, scratching the top of its head as he tied his note to the barrel.

He had only time to pour out a cup of grains for the bird before the messenger quickly fluttered back into the window with a response. Zuko smiled down at the bowl as he brought it out for the hawk thinking of Flashy, Zuko’s hawk when he had been a young, teenage Fire Lord. Flashy was almost reserved as the messenger hawk that would take letters back and forth between Mai’s house and the palace. That hawk had pulled many overnight duties and long working hours. He had also been well-fed and taken care of. 

_‘Tomorrow. Good night._ ’ Was all Mai had said in her note. Her words were accompanied by a sketch of a small teacup that was fast asleep.

Ah yes, the drawings. He chuckled. 

Back in the days when Zuko still had to act prudish and was not allowed to mingle with Mai in public, often they would share messages coded in drawings. They had created their own little language almost. If the guards ever intercepted Mai’s messages, they would only see sketches of fruits tarts and rose petals but Zuko would lose his sleep over it clutching the paper to his chest. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for cliffhanger I couldn't resist haha. But I won't keep you waiting for the next update!


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